Maci launched herself at me, and crushed her mouth to mine.
“Please tell me Amber won’t be at the bar tonight,” I begged against her lips.
“No, no. She got called into the hospital before you even got home.”
“Thank God,” I breathed and kissed her again, stopping when I finally noticed her body. “Why are you shaking, sweetheart?”
“I just—I thought—I . . . fuck,” she cried, and her head hit my bare chest as a sob tore from her throat.
“Maci, no . . . don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Holding her close, I walked us over to my askew bed, and sat down with her in my lap.
“I thought they were going to find out. They can’t find out,” she said between strained sobs. “They’ll make us stop seeing each other.”
“No they won’t.” I didn’t even believe what I was saying.
“Yes they will, you know they will. You heard them just then, they wanted you to tell them if I brought someone home tonight. You’ve seen how they always act.”
“It’s not their decision if I see you or not. Just because that prick you were seeing would have listened to them doesn’t mean I will.”
“They’ll make you stop, Connor!”
I shook my head and grabbed her chin, waiting for her to look up at me. “There’s always a choice, Maci. They can tell me to stop, but like I said, that doesn’t mean I will.”
Her gray eyes stared at me as more tears fell down her face, and I brushed my thumb against her cheeks with the hand that wasn’t holding her to me. I hated seeing her cry, but something deep inside me was happy that she would get this upset over us not being together.
I turned and laid her down in my bed, and brushed my lips across her cheek as a lone tear slipped down. Bringing my hands to the pants she was wearing, I pulled them off her, and let them fall to the floor. Sliding my hands up her waist, and underneath my shirt, I unclasped her bra, and worked at getting it off through the shirt before leaving it on the floor as well. I kissed her gently and took my time looking at her like this in my bed. Nothing but my shirt and her underwear. Fucking perfect.
Walking over to my dresser, I took off my jeans and pulled on a pair of loose sweats before grabbing my comforter and crawling onto the bed. Once we were both covered, I turned her body so she was facing me, and pulled her close.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to start crying.”
“Don’t be.” Pressing my lips to her forehead, I held her body tight as the last of her shaking stopped. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”
I was exhausted from being up for so long, and from a case Sanders and I had just finished—and was physically exhausted from the hours with Maci before her brothers had shown up. Sleep came quick, but the last thought on my mind was how I understood her completely. I was terrified of losing Maci, but I knew that regardless of her brothers, I someday would.
Chapter Nine
Connor
WAKING UP TO Maci in my arms was rapidly becoming one of my favorite things. The hard exterior she always wore from being raised in a house with only brothers was gone. Other than the few times I’d seen her cry, this was the only time when her guard was completely down, and I loved seeing her like this. But every morning I woke with her was a blaring reminder that I was one more morning closer to losing her.
My body was sticky from having been covered in a thin sheen of sweat when I’d woken thirty minutes ago, and like I was every morning, I was thankful I didn’t act out my nightmares. Maci would always still be asleep in my arms when I jolted awake, and only tried to move closer to me when my frantic breathing changed the quiet and calm air between us. But after making sure she hadn’t been hurt, I always crawled out of the bed and away from her to try to calm myself from the too-real scenarios my dreams played out.
Pushing her wild hair from her face, I grimaced and my heart rate sped up as I was assaulted with images from the latest nightmare. My hands around Maci’s throat. Her hands clawing at my arm as she struggled to breathe. Her face bruised, and blood dripping rapidly from her hairline. Her arms covered in varying stages of bruising.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and moved my hand away from her to cover my face as I pushed away the dream. I kept reminding myself over and over that she was fine, that I hadn’t touched her . . . but it didn’t take away the fear that one day it could be real.
I can’t do this to her. I can’t do this.
But I’m not ready to let her go.
Opening my eyes, I stared at her unmarked skin and took deep breaths in—letting her sweet scent wash over me as I looked over every exposed part of her body and reminded myself that she was fine. That I hadn’t hurt her.
When my breathing had returned to normal, I glanced at the clock behind Maci and stifled a sigh. Brushing my knuckles against her cheek, I leaned in and kissed the corner of her lips gently. A soft whimper sounded in the back of her throat, and she curled her body closer to mine as she dug her head into my shoulder.
“Wake up, sweetheart,” I whispered into her ear.
“Mmm, nu uh.”
Laughing softly, I kissed a trail down her jaw, and then up to her mouth. “I have to leave.”
She’d been leaning into my kiss, but jerked back when I spoke. “Where are you going? I thought you were off.”
“I am, but it’s Saturday. I need to go see my sister.”
Maci nodded in acknowledgment and studied me for a few moments before asking, “How is Amy?”
“She’s fine,” I said automatically.
“You don’t talk about her much.”
“There isn’t much to say.”
Another minute went by before Maci pulled from my arms and started to get off the bed.
“Where are you going?”
She looked over her shoulder at me as she grabbed her pants from the floor and pulled them on. “You said you have to leave, so I’m going.”
“I don’t need to go yet, I planned on spending some time with you first.”
“It’s not a big deal, really. Have fun with my brothers tonight.”
I sat up and pushed the comforter off me. “What the hell, Maci, what’s wrong? What changed from last night to this morning?” Last night she’d cried because she was afraid her brothers would make us stop seeing each other, and now she wouldn’t even stay with me? My stomach churned when I realized I might have done something to her in my sleep, and that’s why she was rushing to get away. “Maci,” I said again when she reached my bedroom door, my voice ragged as lifelong fears clawed at my chest.
She stopped and held the handle of my door, like she was going to shut it behind her, for a few seconds before finally looking back at me. “I don’t believe you.”
My brows pinched together in confusion. “Wait, what? About what?”
“Your sister. That there’s nothing to say . . . I don’t believe it.”
I let my face go into the expression I wore during interviews and interrogations, and hoped like hell she hadn’t noticed how I’d just gone still.
“You’re extremely protective of her. So much that I think I’ve only seen her twice in my life? And you pushed her into another room one time, the second toward her car. Have my brothers even met her?”
“What difference does it make?”
“You wouldn’t be that protective of her if there was nothing to say. You told me this week you see her every Saturday unless you’re at work. So all that says to me right now, is you’re lying. You’re keeping something from me.”
“Maci, don’t start this—”
She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. But it wasn’t a defensive stance, it looked like she was curling in on herself. “No, Connor, don’t tell me what to do or not to do. You didn’t like that I kept waiting for you to hurt me, that I acted like I didn’t care about you. Why is it okay for you to get frustrated when I lie because I’m shielding myself from being hurt by you, but it’s not okay for me to get upset when you lie to me?”
“I won’t hurt you.” My body felt hot and cold at once as I remembered making her bleed last night, and the nightmare I’d just repressed came flooding back.
“You keep saying that. I know. But you’re keeping something from me.”
Shaking the disturbing images from my head, I flung my arms out to the side, and tried to remember what we were talking about. “I don’t understand why you’re getting this worked up over my sister.”
“Don’t say it like that. You know why I’m upset. You freeze up whenever anyone mentions her, and you did it with me just now. If you want me to keep being open and honest with you, you need to be honest with me. I know you’re hiding something, Connor.”
“No, you think—”
“Save it. Have a good day.”
“Maci!”
She didn’t respond, and I didn’t go after her. Because she was right . . . I just couldn’t tell her. Sharing my past with Cassidy—and people who could benefit from my story—was one thing. Telling Maci was another. She’d had no idea that Amy and I were even adopted. And if I told her about my past, I’d have to tell her about my fears of the future. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready to lose her.
Once I heard both our doors open and shut, I slowly got out of the bed and went about straightening it up before picking up the broken pieces of my lamp. I tried to stop the thought that by keeping Maci in the dark . . . and keeping her . . . I’d actually just lost her.
Letting our night together flood my mind instead, I took a shower, dressed, and headed over to Amy’s to spend time with her and my nephew.
AMY HAD SPENT most of the last two hours watching me carefully, and I’d hated that she was doing it. I knew what she was doing. She was about to go all mom mode on me, and she’d see right through my bullshit.