"You don't know me. Yes, I ran away from Firth, and maybe I've been looking over my shoulder a lot, but I am being hunted. I moved from home to home so no one would find me."
"Do not lie to yourself. I cannot count how many hearts you must have broken. You presented yourself as a loveable pet, and of course people wanted you. When you began to care about your surrogate families, you left. Did you ever think about the poor children who came home, expecting you to be waiting for them, and you were not there? How that made them feel? You are so worried about getting your heart trampled again that you don't notice you trod all over anyone who is kind to you."
"So, what, the judge's death sentence is payback for my heartless crimes and I deserve to die?"
"We are trying to prevent that. As for fault, your arm can be blamed on your running earlier tonight. If you had not run, you never would have met that dog. It will be healed by evening. Can you say the same about any of the other consequences from running?"
I stared at the snow, and he slid closer.
"You have to stop running, especially now, when running is the equivalent of surrender."
"I'm not surrendering, I'm ... I'm...” My good fist clenched, released, and clenched again. I turned my gaze back to the sky. Why weren't there any stars? Not even a single glimmer in the dark sky. I looked down.
Nathanial's hand slid over mine. “You think the judge will ignore Bobby and me if you die before the time limit passes."
"Bobby needs to go home. He needs to be there when his cubs are born. He deserves that.” Leaving had always been the only thing I could do for him. I drew my legs to my chest. “I'm already dead anyway. No big loss."
Nathanial's sigh tumbled over the snow, and he gripped my shoulder, turning me toward him. His eyes were tight, his mouth drawn. Emotion washed across his face: anger, frustration, sorrow. I had the feeling it was the first time he'd fully dropped his mask around me. How could grey eyes be so cold and so hot as they swept over my face? His gaze dug under my skin, his lips tugging the world down with them.
"I cannot undo what I did, Kita. You are a vampire. You will always be one. I have apologized, but you know what? I would do it again. So there is the truth. For purely selfish reasons, if I knew then what I know now, I would still do it. You are so full of passion and rage that being in your mind woke me up. I feel again, after more than a century, and it is amazing, so I would do it all again, just for that."
My jaw clenched. He would do it again? To feel? Well, I had feelings too. Granted, rather conflicted ones.
We stared at each other, and the darkness hung around us, waiting. He'd ripped away the life I'd known as completely as the rogue had taken Sharon's. She'd killed herself rather than living as a monster. I clenched my fist. It was ironic, her believing she was a monster. Had I known her in life, she would have judged me one as well.
My fist uncurled and dropped to my side. Nathanial's gaze moved to my hand then back up to my eyes. He didn't act like a monster, and out of the two of us, I was the only one who considered what I'd become monstrous. Still, he'd had no right to change me into this ... I sagged as I let out a breath I'd barely been aware I was holding.
Whatever he saw in my face made his expression soften. He slid closer then reached out and snatched my hat from my head. I jerked backward, but he followed, keeping me close. One of his hands wrapped around my waist, locking me in place, the other gently loosed my hair from the bun. With deliberate movements, his fingers combed through my hair.
"Stop it."
I tried to stand, but his hand was still locked around my waist. My struggle to get my feet under me gave him enough space to slide around me. Then he tugged me into his lap. His laughter caressed my back as he drew me closer. I squirmed, but he held me tight.
"Listen to the forest,” he whispered.
I didn't want to. I wanted to move. To leave.
He didn't let me.
Dragging in a frustrated breath, I closed my eyes and listened. Stillness filled the air, some of it the quiet of winter, but mostly it was the silence of pre-dawn.
It had been a long time since I'd been in a forest. Over the last few years I'd traveled to large cities where it was easy to find lodging and transportation. I'd missed the forest. In the distance, a nocturnal animal routed for food hidden under the snow, and further away, an animal revealed itself with the snapping of a frozen twig. A gentle wind made limbs far above us creak. Icicles rattled.
I relaxed, nestling against Nathanial's chest. The rhythmic thud of his heartbeat pressed into my back, and the forest whispered around me, as if we had become nature's pulse. Nathanial's fingers trailed through my hair again, swiping stray strands across my temple, behind my ear. It was a very nice sensation when I wasn't pulling away.
Slowly, he scooted backward, putting space between our bodies. The loss of contact stung. A sliver of panic wedged itself into the space where he'd been. I started to stand, but Nathanial's hands moved to my hair again. He brushed aside the panic with his fingers as he gently worked at the tangles in my hair. After finger-combing it, he began weaving my hair into a French braid.
Silent moments passed, then his fingers hesitated and he leaned forward. “We will find the rogue tomorrow. We will figure out a way. I will do everything within my power. I was empty before, but now I am happy to have you, Kitten.” As he spoke, his lips brushed my ear, sending a ticklish sensation down my spine.
"I'm not a pet, you know. You don't own me,” I murmured, but there wasn't much heat behind the words.
"Really? I was under the impression you were frequently a pet.” His voice held a hint of humor. He avoided the subject of ownership.
What did that mean? He couldn't expect to claim possession of me just because he'd turned me into a vampire.
"Cats aren't pets. They don't have owners, just people they choose to let take care of them."
He tugged me closer to him. His heat pressed into my back, his words sliding over my skin. “Then let us say that I choose to care for you."
The ticklish feeling traveled down my spine again, pooling in my middle. It was distracting, and I was sick of fighting. We could fight again tomorrow. Besides, I didn't want him to stop playing with my hair. Drowsiness, the new herald of dawn, weighed heavily on me, and I surrendered to the lulling and rhythmic movements of Nathanial's fingers. Even my arm hurt less. Above me, a pinprick of starlight escaped from between the clouds. It lasted only a single heartbeat before the sky swallowed it again.
Nathanial leaned into me, the heat of his cheek touching mine. “What are you thinking?"
I turned and lifted heavy eyelids so I could see him. We were so close, his breath tickled my skin. I smiled, but I couldn't help saying, “that the next time you get bored, you should probably buy a TV or something, and leave me the hell alone."
Nathanial chuckled and dropped the braid he'd completed. It had been a long time since anyone had braided my hair. I'd cut it to my shoulders after leaving Firth, so I was surprised that now, braided, my hair hung to my waist.
I stared at the length of braid. Tears rose unbidden to my eyes. I blinked them away. “Nathanial, what if it was me?"
"What if what was you, Kitten?"
I looped the braid around my wrist. Now that I'd broached the subject, I didn't know what else to say. The hush of the forest deepened as if the snow laden trees were straining to hear me. It couldn't have been me but ... “Three months ago I was attacked by a gang of street thugs. They were only human, but I was outnumbered. I panicked. It was the first time my claws extended.” There. I'd said it.
"I know."
The air in my lungs turned solid, heavy, and I coughed. Twisting, I stared at Nathanial. “You didn't say anything."
He smiled, a smile that hid secrets—my secrets and what else? He gazed at me through hooded eyes, his expression unconcerned, untouched. Didn't he understand what I'd said? What it could mean?
"If my claws can make ... if I tagged one of those guys, then I might be guilty of ... and you ... you might shift when the gate to Firth opens."
"Personally, I think it would be quite interesting if you tagged me."
I cringed. The pre-dawn no longer felt calm—too many thoughts swirled in my head. When Bobby and I had visited the elders, they'd had a giant mosaic of a gate illuminated in moonlight. Images of hundreds of spirits swept out of the pale beams marking the gate, each spirit searching for a kindred soul to share a body with. If Nathanial ... what type of spirit would claim him?
I banished the thought.
"Someone would have told me,” I whispered. “Wouldn't they? My father would have warned me if claws..."
"Of course.” Nathanial dropped a light brush of his lips on the top of my head. “Let's get back to the house.” He stood and pulled me up. “I think I can make one wish come true."
It took me a second to run that through my addled brain, which was getting thick with the coming dawn. He lifted me high enough I could rest my cheek against his neck instead of his shoulders. As he stepped up and took to the air, I marveled at how warm his skin felt. How could I feel the warmth of his flesh but not all the cold snow around me?
It took me a moment to remember he'd said something and then another to puzzle out what it meant. “Which wish? You're hiding a cure for vampirism, or you know how to acquire demon's bane?"
We landed on the back porch, but he didn't put me down. “I was actually thinking about when you said you wanted to wake up in the same place you went to sleep. But, I think it is perhaps too late for that."
I thought I felt the warmth of lips brush over mine, but it might have been a dream, because the world filled with darkness.
Chapter 16
"Kita?"
I slid under the water, ignoring the alarm in Nathanial's voice. He'd gone who-knew-where before I woke up and left me here to wait for him; he could wait while I enjoyed my bath.