I miss you. —Tuck
I miss you, too. I clicked SEND and waited for another message.
It felt good to hear your voice today. —Tuck
Don’t do this, Tucker.
We are coming to S. Carolina. I’ll be there late tonight. —Tuck
My heart raced as I read his message. He was coming back. Suddenly, the thought of pushing him away seemed impossible. Every bone in my body craved him.
Really???
I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. I don’t know if I could handle being so close and not seeing you.
My stomach was now doing flips and I felt as if I were going to be sick. We’d pressed our luck before, and we might not be as lucky as we were in the past. It wasn’t fair. I wanted to see him more than anything else, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to Jax.
I can’t.
Are you all right? Did something happen?
No, I’m fine. Really. Please don’t worry.
It’s impossible not to worry when I have no way to see you.
I’m sorry, Tucker.
I shoved my phone back in my apron and left the bathroom. I felt the familiar vibration of the phone but forced myself to ignore it. I finished my shift as if nothing were bothering me. I was good at pretending. By the time it was over, I wanted to run home and prove myself right. Jax was getting better. Life was getting better.
As soon as I was in the comfort of my own room, I changed out of my work clothes and slipped on something more comfortable. I felt physically ill when I checked the messages on my phone.
Please. I need to see you. —Tuck
Cass, please don’t do this to me. —Tuck
I’ll be staying at the Marriott on Hilton Head Island. —Tuck
I put the phone into my closet without responding. Tucker didn’t deserve this. I should have told him weeks ago I couldn’t speak to him anymore. As much as he said he cared about me, I always knew we could never be anything serious. He was a rock star. He deserved better. I curled up in a ball on my bed and forced myself to sleep.
I didn’t dream of Tucker. I almost never dreamed at all anymore. I knew I would never get what I wanted, but I was making the best of what I had. It was all I could do.
When I got up the next morning, I pushed myself to my feet and made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee.
I jumped as Jax’s fingertips slid against my spine. I hadn’t even heard him come up behind me.
“You okay?” He leaned over my shoulder.
I shook my head. “I just don’t feel well.” I turned on the water and began to wash out a few bowls.
He leaned back against the counter. “Maybe you should take the day off. You work constantly. You could use a break.”
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. He was being sincere and thoughtful. I hated myself for moping over Tucker. Grabbing the dish towel, I dried off the bowls. “You’re right. I should just stay home. We could do something fun. Go for a picnic?”
“Yeah, I mean, whatever you want to do.” He ran his hands over his face and he pushed off the counter.
I begged my tears not to fall. This was what I had always wanted. The old Jax. He was finally coming around.
When he had disappeared, I wiped my hands on my shorts and made my way back to my bedroom. I pulled on a dark tank top and a pair of jean shorts. I grabbed a twenty out of my bear and slipped it deep in my pocket.
“I’m gonna go get us food for later,” I called, and made my way out into the sunshine. It certainly didn’t seem as if a storm was coming. I tilted my head to the sky and let the rays warm my skin.
I made my way out of the trailer park and up to the main road. It was only a five-minute walk to Stewart Grocery, our local grocery store. It was a perfect day for a walk. There was no humidity hanging heavy in the air. In fact, there was a pleasant breeze.
The highway was slightly busier than usual with people wanting to evacuate for the hurricane before a mandatory evacuation notice was put into place. The storm wasn’t set to make landfall on the eastern coast of Florida until tomorrow, but the outer bands should be hitting us late in the evening.
I made my way into the small store and glanced around. The shelves were practically bare. That was usual whenever a storm was approaching. I found the bread aisle and settled on a bag of rolls because the normal loaves had long since been cleared out. My stomach growled as I grabbed a jar of peanut butter and some strawberry jelly. Jackson’s favorite. Next, I made my way to the beverage aisle and picked up a bottle of wine. It wasn’t anything fancy and only cost $5, but it tasted fruity and I knew it would be a nice touch. I picked up a peach on my way to the register to eat on the way.
I checked out and made my way back into the sunshine with a smile on my face. When Jax and I were kids we would sneak out all the time and have little picnics together. It was the only time I felt as if I escaped my life. All that mattered was him. A lot of things had changed since then, and we both knew that being adults did not fix any problems. If anything, things got harder. A lot harder.
“Jax!” I hoisted the grocery bags onto the kitchen counter and made my way down the hall. “Jax?” I knocked on the bathroom door, but all I heard was a mumble. I slowly opened it, not wanting to disturb him, but to let him know what I had gotten for our trip.
“Oh my God!” Jax was on the floor, slumped to his side. Orange, stretchy tubing was still around his arm, and he held a needle in the opposite hand.
He slowly turned his head toward me. “It’s just a little. I’m fine. We can still go,” he mumbled and then his vision went unfocused as his high took over.
I slammed the door behind me and ran into my room. To hell with what was fair to Jax. This wasn’t fair to me. I couldn’t believe I’d let myself be fooled by Jax. Again.
Suddenly, the delicate sense of hope that had been keeping me afloat—keeping me from Tucker—for the last few months shattered, along with any remaining sense of loyalty that I felt to Jax. It suddenly became all too clear to me that Jax had no real desire to change, and even the force of my will couldn’t resurrect that boy who once took me fishing, once made me feel safe.
I grabbed all of my things from my room, shoving cash into my purse. I pulled out my phone to send Tucker a message.
I am on my way.
I made my way to my mother’s room and handed her the phone. “If you need anything, call the number in this phone. I’ll be home later. I love you.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead and left.
Chapter Twenty-One
THE CAB RIDE seemed to last forever. Hilton Head was about an hour and a half away, and I knew this ride would cost a fortune, but it was worth every penny. I had forced myself to stay away from Tucker and it was all for nothing.
It broke my heart to think of what I had put Tucker through because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was an idiot. All I ever worried about was everyone else. I never put myself first, and I was tired. It was my turn.
As the cab pulled up to the hotel, I nearly jumped out the door before we stopped.
Tucker stood just a few feet from the cab in low-slung, dark wash jeans and a deep gray T-shirt that hugged the expanse of his chest. I handed my money to the cabdriver and flew out the door. Tucker held out his arms for me and I ran into them, jumping and locking my legs around his waist. It felt so good to touch him again. He squeezed me tightly as he kissed my hair over and over. The stubble from his unshaven face tickled my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Tucker. I am so sorry.” I kissed his neck.
“Shh . . . It’s okay. You’re here now, sweetheart.” He stroked my hair as I slowly slid my legs down his body and stood on my tiptoes. He pulled back from me with hands on either side of my face. The pads of his thumbs wiped away my happy tears. I leaned my face into his hand, kissing his palm.
“I missed you so much,” I whispered.
He laughed and a smile spread across his face, deepening his dimples. He pulled my face closer and placed a kiss to my forehead.
“Come on.” His fingers laced in mine and we walked inside the lobby of the hotel to the elevator. He slid his card and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I sank my body into his and closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of coconut. I felt safe.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened much too quickly. I didn’t want to move. I opened my eyes to see that we were already at his room. The walls were painted a chocolate brown accented by light blue fixtures and paintings. A small kitchen had tan, speckled countertops and a stainless-steel fridge tucked away in the left corner. A small brown couch was against the right wall, and straight ahead was the doorway to the bedroom.
“Wow,” I said with shock as I took a step forward to leave the elevator.
“I upgraded when I found out you were coming. Do you like it?”
“It’s incredible. You didn’t have to do this.” I shook my head and he smiled, running his hands over his hair.
He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear and winked at me. “I would do anything for you, Cass.” My knees went weak with his words. He took one step, closing the gap between us, and his hands circled around my back. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
His lips brushed over mine, and as his eyes continued to search mine, he softly pressed against me. My fingers slid over his hard chest and up his neck to pull him closer. He coaxed my mouth open with his tongue, which I happily accepted.
The elevator doors shot open and a man cleared his throat, making me jump and pull away from Tucker.
He laughed and turned to the man. “Just leave it by the bed.”
The man pushed his cart full of food into the room as I gave Tucker a quizzical look.
“Hungry?”
My stomach growled as the smell of the food filled the air. I had been so wrapped up in Tucker, I didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten yet today. “Very.”
He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me to the giant bed. The room had a small table, but I wasn’t going to complain about being alone with Tucker in a bedroom.
Tucker tipped the man, who thanked him and left the room. Tucker pulled the silver domes off the plates of food, revealing a smorgasbord of things to eat. My eyes roamed over the chicken leg that was so big I wondered where they found an animal that large. The steak looked mouthwateringly juicy. Another platter was stacked high with sandwiches cut into triangles and arranged among stacks of exotic fruits chopped into tiny pieces. I reached over and lifted one of the forks, shocked by its heaviness. The handle had intricate flowers carved into it. I’d never seen anything like it before.
“I didn’t know what you liked so I ordered everything that looked good.” His lips quirked into a devilish grin.
“Looks amazing.” I leaned over to inhale the scent of the steak, but my stomach revolted and I felt that I was going to be sick.
“Oh, God!” I jumped off the bed and made my way to the first door I could find. Luckily it was the master bathroom. I bolted for the toilet and clung to either side of the seat as my stomach twisted and I gagged, heaving the contents.
“Are you all right?” Tucker was behind me, gathering my hair as I continued to heave, though I hadn’t even eaten today. Tucker reached over me and pushed the handle. “Are you still sick?” He got up and filled a cup from the counter with water. I shook my head no and took the glass, taking small sips.
He ran his hand over my hair a few times, his brows drawn together.
“It’s nothing. It comes and goes.”
“Have you been to a doctor?”
I rolled my eyes at the question. Of course I hadn’t been to a doctor. Who could afford the outrageous bills or missing a day of work?
“It’s just stress.”
“If I’d known you were still sick, I wouldn’t have asked you to come.”
My heart sank at his words just as my stomach turned again, sending me lurching for the commode. “Oh, God.” I rested my head against the cold porcelain.