I turn away from the door and wipe at my face.
“It’s me,” I reply, keeping my voice down just in case.
“Jesus,” CJ murmurs. “Your voice on the phone is hot as shit, darlin’. Say something else to me.”
“I can’t do this.”
There’s a pause, then a breathy laugh breaks through the line. “Not exactly what I had in mind,” he says before exhaling forcefully. “Right. Is this your nerves getting to you again? What’d I say about that?”
“No,” I answer. “It’s not my nerves.”
“Then what the fuck happened?”
I begin pacing the small room, going back and forth between the toilet and the door as I explain.
“We weren’t broken up. I thought we were but we weren’t. We were on a break, I guess, but that isn't the same thing. We’re still together. And I . . . slept with you. I slept with you when I had a boyfriend back at home.”
“Did more than just sleep with me,” CJ points out.
I close my eyes for a breath. “I know. But I wouldn’t have done that if I thought Richard and I were still together. I’m not like that. I’m not that kinda girl. I swear.”
My lip starts trembling again. I press my fingertips to it and bite back tears.
“I know that. I never thought you were, babe,” he says. His voice is rougher now. “So what are you telling me? Are you staying with this guy?”
“I have to.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” CJ growls. “Is he forcing you to stay? Give me your address. I’m thirty minutes out.”
“No. That’s not what I meant. He’s not forcing me,” I quickly reply.
Sheesh. He sounds ready to kill.
I stop in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection. My eyes are red and puffy and glistening with tears. “It’s just, we’ve been together for a long time and I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of that yet,” I confess.
I watch my lips form my next words.
“I love him.”
CJ breathes tensely in my ear. “Hope it works out,” he mutters.
“Really?” I ask, frowning.
“Don’t ask me that shit. And what the fuck do you want me to say?”
God, he’s right. What am I doing?
“Sorry,” I rush out. “Sorry. That was stupid. I just, I can’t believe this happened.” I hold my hand to my cheek and shake my head, looking down at the sink.
“I’m gonna let you go,” CJ says, talking about the phone call. I’m sure of it.
“Wait, um.” I flatten my hand on the counter. My bottom lip trembles. “Please don’t tell anyone what happened this weekend. Okay? Please. Especially not Reed. I don’t want it getting back to Richard.”
“You’re not telling him?”
I shake my head as if he can see me. My silence gives me away.
“That’s on you, babe,” CJ points out. “Kinda fucked up if you ask me, but you’re not asking.”
“I’d rather just pretend it didn’t happen,” I return. “And I think it would be best if we forget about each other . . . in that way. You know?”
“Yeah. That’s not happening.”
I lift my eyes to my reflection again and watch my brows pull together. “Uh . . . sorry, what?”
CJ clears his throat, then goes on to elaborate. “You can forget about me in that way all you want, or you can try and convince yourself that’s what you’re doing but I’m telling you now, Riley, I am not forgetting you. I got a taste of something I want more of and a taste like that, babe, there’s no forgetting.”
I pinch my eyes shut. I don’t want my cheating heart to start warming right now but that’s exactly what happens.
I try my best to ignore it.
Shaking my head, I return my gaze to the mirror. “I don’t really know what to say to that,” I admit, giving him my honesty.
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m just letting you know how it is,” CJ retorts. “Now, you making a choice means I need to back off, and even though I’m not feeling that choice, I’ll respect it.”
“Thank you.” I smile a little, liking his attitude about this. “And I’d really like us to stay friends.”
“Now you’re pushing it.”
My smile disappears and I’m back to frowning. “Huh?”
“I don’t do that,” he throws out.
“You don’t do what?” I question with a little sass.
He better not tell me he doesn’t have female acquaintances. Beth and him are tight. I know this for a fact.
“I don’t keep friends with women who have had my dick in their mouth,” CJ shares.
Oh . . .
Another fact, Beth has absolutely not done that. I would’ve been told about it.
This is different, but it’s something I want, and it should be entirely possible. Why can’t this work?
“Well, just pretend I didn’t do that,” I suggest.
“Do you need a reminder of the conversation we had not a minute ago?” he asks. “I’m not forgetting shit, Riley.”
“Okay. Then . . . I guess we won’t be friends.” I feel my shoulders drop as I look to the door, then at the shower I’m supposed to be standing in. I sigh, telling him, “I should go.”
“Fuck,” he mumbles, voice tight. “Fine, goddamn it. We’ll be friends.”
Hope flutters in my stomach. “Really?” I ask.
“Yeah, really. But just remember, you wanted this. So when the Tully charm doesn’t wash off, I don’t want to hear shit about it.”
I feel my forehead crease with a wrinkle. “All righty,” I reply, not knowing how else to respond to that when I hardly understand it. “I really should go so, um, thanks for being so cool about this.”
CJ chuckles. “Yeah. Sure thing.”
I disconnect the call before he has the chance to throw out another ‘darlin’’. I’m not sure I can handle that right now. Then I quickly dial up Beth.
“Hello?”
“We were on a break!” I harshly whisper into the phone, pressing my free-hand against my stomach when it rolls with nausea. “Not broken up. Oh, my God. I feel like Ross.”