“I just gave a six-year-old more money than he’s ever seen in his entire life. Did you see his face? He’s probably already forgotten he caught us.”
Riley blinks, realizing how fucking awesome this plan is. Then she giggles and leans into me as we walk down the stairs together. “That was so close,” she says, voice racing again.
I kiss the top of her head, smelling her sweet shampoo. When we step off the stairs, I pull Riley into my arms and hold her in the entryway, prolonging this.
I don’t want to go back outside. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to talk about what we just did—what it means to her and what I know it means to me.
“Riley,” I murmur into her hair, leaning away. She rubs my back. “I—”
“What the hell are you two doing?”
Riley’s body stiffens in my arms. She tries to pull away. I don’t let her.
Turning my head, I lock eyes with Reed.
REED.
My stomach drops out. Oh, God. I’m going to throw up all over CJ.
I know how this looks—CJ’s arms around me and my hands moving over his back. The sweet look on his face as he prepares to tell me something important, something big. Hearing the tone in Reed’s voice, even before I turn my head and see his hard eyes staring back, I know exactly how this looks.
I also know from the way CJ is keeping hold of me as I try and wiggle away that he is done with our secret. He’s ready. He’s going to tell Reed.
But I’m not done with it. I’m not ready. The way Reed is looking at us and that sharp, assuming pitch in his voice, I know how he’s going to react. Reed sounds big-brother angry. Disapproving. Nobody’s good enough. Fuck you, CJ. Get your hands off my sister.
I can already hear his response in my ears and feel it saddening my heart, so I do what I have to do. For CJ. For us.
The words spill out of my mouth like water rushing through a broken dam. Once I start, I can’t stop.
“I was sad about Richard,” I say. My voice jumps with anxiousness. “You know, just thinking about what all had happened between us—him using drugs and not knowing he was using them, it just got to me. I was overwhelmed. CJ saw me and was just offering comfort.”
My lie tastes sour and sounds so fucking ugly. I don’t like it. I don’t want to utter any name except CJ’s while I’m standing in his arms, especially not that name, never again, but what can I do? I need to protect us. I need to give this more time. And even though I hate what I say and the way CJ’s arms grow tighter around me and then fall away all too quickly, it works.
My lie works.
Reed should’ve made us, called me out and forced a confession, but instead he looks understanding after I speak and appreciative of CJ for what he’s giving me. Relief floods me and sags my shoulders. I see this as a good sign.
CJ’s arms had been around me and Reed wasn’t telling him to fuck off while throwing a punch. We were making progress.
Reed doesn’t say much besides what he always has to say about Richard.
“That guy was a prick. You’re better off,” he reminds me.
CJ doesn’t say anything.
We all go back out onto the deck, and I feel relieved and a little sick to my stomach. Looking at CJ, watching him the rest of the night, I know he is frustrated with this and with me. I can see it. His gaze is cold and refuses to linger. And when he smiles at something Mia says, his jaw stays clenched.
I think hearing me turn down Grayson helps.
My response is polite and loud enough CJ’s head swivels around and our eyes meet. I do that on purpose. I want CJ knowing that I’m his, that I belong to him, heart and body, and façade aside, I won’t give out my number and pretend I don’t. I would never take it that far.
He seems more relaxed after hearing me. And on the drive home, in the privacy of his truck where we never have to pretend, CJ lets me know we’re okay. He throws his arm around me when I burrow closer and presses his lips to my hair. I smile and rub his thigh.
I want us to talk. Not about my lie or why I needed to say it—I knew my reasoning was clear, and I honestly don’t want to bring it up—but about what had happened in that bedroom. I want to know the big, important thing CJ wanted to tell me before we got interrupted.
“I’m on birth control,” I reveal over the quiet tune playing on the radio. I figure this is a good lead in.
CJ reaches in front of me to shift gears, then he throws his arm over my shoulder again and kisses my temple. “I never had a girl I wanted to do that with before,” he says, letting me know that was his first time going without a condom. “I’m glad it was you, babe. And that’s something I want to keep doing with you, if you’re wanting that with me.”
Oh, my God. Seriously? I feel so happy hearing that, I think my heart is going to explode and kill me right here. And I would die with the biggest smile on my face. CJ Tully gave me that experience, and wants to continue giving me that experience. Me.
I hold his hand that is hanging off my shoulder and grin into his neck. As happy as I am, I have a feeling that wasn’t the big, important thing he had wanted to share with me. Something in my gut has me wondering, but there is nothing else that needs to be said. Not now. This moment with CJ is already incredible. It couldn't get any better. So I let it go and kiss him long and lazy at the next red light. We don’t even stop when the car behind us blows its horn.
“Fuck them,” he growls against my mouth. I laugh inside our kiss. I feel giddy.
It’s been two days since the dinner at Ben and Mia’s. Two days of CJ being CJ with me—sweet, warm, funny. And so damn charming I’m certain he could teach a class on it. CJ isn’t acting any different than he typically acts with me, but I’m still waiting . . .
I know he wanted to tell me something that had nothing to do with me tossing out our condom stash.
Closing my eyes under the shower spray, I let the warm water rush down my front. I left CJ in the other bedroom to finish his workout so I could get ready for class, but only after I lingered to watch him knock out a rapid round of pushups.
I can still hear those soft little grunts he makes. Sex grunts. Yum.
A shuffling sound turns my head. I swipe my hand across the condensation building on the glass and watch CJ step out of his shorts.
“No bath today?” I ask when the door opens and he moves inside the shower to join me.