I settle on my back in the center of the bed, tucking my hand underneath my pillow to boost myself up.
“Were you really close with her?” she asks as she climbs onto the bed, resting her head on my chest. Her arm wraps around me, then her leg, until I’m completely blanketed by her tiny body.
We don’t need to talk. The only thing I need from her right now is this. She has no idea what this does to me, what this has always done to me.
I look down the length of my body, staring at the top of her head. “Yeah, I guess.”
“I can’t imagine going through that. Losing a parent in any way is so unbelievably sad. It was devastating to Mia, but she at least knew her mom was sick, and there was always that chance something could happen to her. But with you…” She squeezes me harder. “How did you handle it?”
I look up at the ceiling, concentrating on the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against my side. It’s crazy how much that soothes me. The feel of her, breathing, living—having her right here like this.
She sniffs, and I know she’s crying again as she nuzzles closer. “Luke?”
I remember her question, shifting my body underneath hers a bit so her leg stops brushing against my cock. “I don’t know. I was forced to handle it, so I did. What else was I gonna do?”
“I don’t know what I would’ve done. And your dad, oh God, was he devastated?” Her head tilts up and she rests her chin on my chest. “He must’ve been heartbroken.”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I reply, watching her eyes dilate behind the tears in them. “And don’t call him my dad. He stopped being that a long time ago.”
“What happened between you two?”
“Tessa, what the fuck?” I practically shout, startling her. Her hold on me tightens as she sucks in a breath, and I can tell she’s regretting pushing this shit. Her mouth falls open, the tears still spilling down her face. I slide out from underneath her and sit on the edge of the bed, resting my elbows on my knees and dropping my head. I’m no longer calm. I’m fucking tense, anxious like I was sitting outside her door.
The bed dips behind me, but I don’t turn around to look at her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, brushing her body against my back.
I cup my hands together and rest my chin against them, staring blankly at the wall. “I don’t talk about shit I don’t give a damn about anymore. Yeah, he was heartbroken and devastated, but while he turned to getting piss-drunk every day, I was left with nobody. I had to deal with that and the shit he put me through alone, and I will always deal with it by myself. It’s my fucking burden, no one else’s.”
She sniffs again, louder this time, as her hands flatten against my chest from behind. “I just… I want to be there for you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. Whatever it is, we can handle it together.”
“Why can’t what I’ve given you be enough?” I ask. I look over my shoulder, connecting with her tear-filled eyes. I’m beginning to feel as shattered as she looks right now, because I know she’ll never be content with just this. But that doesn’t stop me from telling her I will.
“Just being with you has always been enough for me,” I say, turning my body until she’s next to my side. I hold her face with both my hands, sliding my thumbs along her skin. “I don’t know what it is about you, Tessa, but you make all that bad shit go away.”
She starts full-on crying now, and I pull her into my lap, really holding her for the first time in days.
“I don’t want to let go of you,” she whispers against my neck, pressing kisses there.
I close my eyes, dropping my head to her shoulder. I savor the breath I take in, the scent of her, as if it’s my last. My lips touch her neck, then her ear. “Do you want your tea?”
She laughs softly, leaning back to look at me. Her hand touches my cheek, then a finger traces the line of my jaw. She always used to do that. “I forgot about it. Will you get it for me?” she asks through a yawn as I wipe the tears from her face.
I watch her settle under the covers before I walk out of the bedroom. I need to take a piss first, and as I’m finishing up in the bathroom, I hear the faint echo of Tessa’s ringtone, sounding from the direction of the kitchen. It starts up again just before I reach the counter where her mug was placed. I walk over to her purse and pull out the cell phone, my face hardening at the name flashing on the screen.
“Yeah,” I answer, more as a demand than a question, because I’m really not fucking interested in what this guy wants right now.
“Uh, this is Tessa’s phone, correct?”
“Yeah, it is, and she’s busy.”
I hear a faint laugh. “Right, mate, sorry. Luke, is it?” He pauses, and my silence is the only response he’s going to get. I roll my shoulders back, trying to loosen up as I wait for him to hurry the fuck up with this so I can give Tessa her tea.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Listen, I was just calling to see if she was okay. She was pretty upset when I dropped her off.”
“She’s fine,” I grunt out, trying to keep my voice low as I lean against the table.
“Yeah? That’s good. I’ve seen some pretty sad women before. My sisters like to dump their man problems on me ’cause I’m a good listener, but I don’t think I’ve seen any of them cry like Tessa did. She was pretty heartbroken, mate.”
I know what that looks like. I know too damn well, and just picturing it kills me. If it were any other guy making her upset, I’d find out who it was and beat the shit out of them.
But it’s me. She’ll never stop crying over me.
“Do you like her?” I ask, hearing the fear in my voice as my free hand wraps around the edge of the table.
“Uh… yeah, mate. Sure, I like her, but—”
“She’ll love you, and it’ll be the best damn thing you’ve ever felt. Nobody loves the way Tessa does, and she deserves somebody to give her that.” I swallow hard, closing my eyes. “Are you sticking around here?”
“Yeah, for a while, at least. I like it here.”
“Good.” I hang up the phone and push it back into her purse.
After re-heating the tea in the microwave, I carry it into her bedroom and set it on the nightstand.
“It’s really hot, so be careful,” I say as I take a seat on the edge of the bed.
I stare at the wall, letting my eyes lose focus.
I know what I have to do.
“You changed my life the second I saw you getting out of Ben’s truck. It was fucking crazy. I’ve never felt like I needed somebody before, but I needed you, and I knew it. Then I had you, and… I’ll never need anybody again. I know that. I hate keeping you out, but you’re so good, Tessa, and I don’t want you affected by this shit. It’s dirty, and ugly, and everything you’re not, and what I’m about to do is going to fucking kill me, but this is what I can give you.”
My heart thunders in my chest, trying to break its way out before I destroy it.
“That guy can be good for you. He seems decent, and he’ll give you things I can’t.” I drop my head, keeping the shaky breath I take in quiet. “You’ll always be mine, Tessa. In a couple years after you’ve forgotten about me, you’ll still be mine. You’re going to hate me for doing this, but I need you to be happy, and I think this guy can help with that.”