Taylor tilted her head. “Sometimes it’s healthy to talk. I hope you know that whatever you tell me is safe with me.”
Before he could respond, Taylor leaned toward him. Suddenly, his decision seemed right. Phil could live with it, because he wasn’t alone. The scent of Taylor’s light perfume filled his senses with hope for a future, for not only the Rawlingses, but for everyone. Maybe he was getting soft, but as her lips neared his, it wasn’t his decision that consumed his thoughts. It was his desire to feel her softness: her lips, a mere whisper away, her hands, how they warmed his skin. And then it happened. Had he moved forward or was it all her? It didn’t matter. Phil’s chest filled with sensations he’d kept buried for too long. He wanted nothing more than to be lost in the sweetness of her kiss.
A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.
—George A. Moore
CLAIRE WALKED QUIETLY through the darkened hallways and down the staircase. With Nichol tucked into bed sound asleep, Shannon out for the evening, and Tony not yet back from a business trip, the house was still and peaceful. The serenity gave her strength as she made her way through the living room and outside onto the back patio. Claire smiled as she looked up to the Iowa sky. The black velvet blanket high above glistened with millions of stars shining down like diamonds. As she inhaled the moist, sultry air and listened to the songs of the cicadas, Claire momentarily wondered if Tony could see the same stars from his plane. Did he even notice as he flew home to his family or was he lost in his work?
Despite the late hour, perspiration formed on her skin as she walked toward the pool. Growing up in Indiana, the diversity of Iowa’s weather never surprised Claire, but on days such as this, with the temperature high and humidity oppressive, she reminded herself of the barren landscape of winter. Thoughts of the snow that covered their estate six months earlier helped her welcome and accept the heat. Nearing the beckoning cool water, Claire found herself lost in thoughts and memories. She knew it was her hormones wreaking havoc: her ups and downs were more dramatic. One moment she would laugh and the next she felt like crying. Though Tony worried, Dr. Brown assured them it was all normal.
Tony and her doctors were the only ones who knew about her pregnancy. Other than the dramatic mood swings, it seemed to be going well. So far she hadn’t experienced the bouts of morning sickness that she’d had with Nichol. However, she was only six weeks along and there was still time. With Nichol, she hadn’t even realized that she was pregnant until this time in the pregnancy. With this little one, she knew as soon as she missed her period. Her and Tony’s plans to expand their family were a month ahead of schedule. The doctors had told them to wait until this month to try, and they had—well, except for the one night. A smile came to her lips and her cheeks rose. It certainly seemed that when it came to making babies she and Tony didn’t require months of practice. The fact that she never became pregnant during their first marriage or before was a testament to the insert she’d had implanted.
Leaving her robe on the lounge chair and her sandals beside it, Claire stepped carefully down the pool’s stairs and immersed herself in the tepid water. The goose bumps didn’t register as she remembered that night:
She and Tony were in New York alone. They weren’t really alone. That rarely occurred. Eric had gone with them while Taylor and Phil stayed in Iowa. It was the first time they’d spent a few nights away from Nichol since they’d been reunited as a family, and as much as Claire had looked forward to the time away, she missed their daughter.
Nevertheless, she managed to busy herself with things she used to enjoy: a trip to the spa and time on 5th Avenue. Being the middle of May, the weather was perfect as she walked up and down the New York City streets. It’d been a long time since she’d been to the city, and she enjoyed the contagious energy of its people. The exhilarating vitality rippled through the air, energizing the residents and tourists alike. When thoughts of Rudolf tried to infiltrate her thoughts, Claire would remember that he was still incarcerated and she was safe. Once in a while she’d wonder about the Rawls-Nichols mailings. They hadn’t received any in over a month. Tony told her he didn’t know why they’d stopped, but he was glad they had. Claire wasn’t sure if they’d really stopped or merely taken a break. Either way, the comforting sense of safety added to her euphoria.
Claire had forgotten the invigorating rush of Times Square and the serenity of Central Park. As hours passed, she found herself lost in her own therapeutic and rejuvenating world. Now that she was a mother and their lives involved numerous people and responsibilities, being alone in a crowd seemed like a distant memory. For the life of her, Claire couldn’t remember the last time she’d willingly spent the day by herself. Yet with the sun shining down and a gentle breeze, while walking the streets amidst the throngs of people or sitting on the edge of a fountain in Central Park and listening to the street performers, Claire felt revitalized.
Dr. Brown often asked her to evaluate her feelings, to delve deeper into them. Sitting on that concrete ledge with music in the air, Claire came to an important conclusion. She no longer feared being alone. That didn’t mean that she wanted to be like that all of the time, but she didn’t fear it. There was a time she had. Her life at Everwood and early years with Tony had been a solitary hell. Though it hadn’t been a conscious decision, since leaving Everwood and reuniting with Tony and Nichol, Claire had purposely kept herself occupied with everyone else. Whether it was her immediate family, extended family, friends, or employees, she stayed connected. It was no secret that being alone used to bother her. Hell, it was the weapon that Catherine secretly wielded when she encouraged Claire’s disappearance. The money Catherine offered was all a ploy to isolate Claire yet again. However, years later, surrounded by strangers, she realized she enjoyed being alone. Perhaps she always had. There was nothing to fear in alone time, as long as she also had her loved ones.