Kacie waved Derek off. “Tell her it’s me and she just delivered my best friend’s baby. She’ll let me in.”
Derek stuck his head in the room and had a brief conversation with the doctor before pulling the door open. “She said fine, but just for a minute.”
Kacie looked back at me and grinned, elated to go meet Joseph.
I followed her into the room. The lights were dim and soft music played quietly as a nurse scurried about cleaning things up.
“Congratulations.” I walked over and kissed Alexa on the forehead.
“Thanks, Brody.” She smiled up at me, rocking that new mom glow I’d heard about. I walked over and tucked myself against the wall, out of the way.
Kacie walked up and squeezed Alexa’s shoulders. “Only you would look this good immediately after having a baby. Bitch.”
Alexa laughed, then held her stomach and groaned. “I’m glad I look good because I feel like shit. Why didn’t you tell me my vagina was going to rip in half?”
Dr. Newman shook her head and looked at Kacie over her glasses. “She didn’t even have an episiotomy.”
Kacie glared at Alexa and rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.” She walked over to the sink, rolled up her sleeves, and washed her hands and forearms, itching to get her hands on that baby.
“Gimmie, gimmie.” She giggled as she scooped him out of Alexa’s arms. “He looks so good, Lex. Not very jaundice yet either.”
Kacie gently swayed back and forth with the tiny white and blue blanket in her arms. She dipped her head and closed her eyes as she rubbed noses with Joseph. I stood in awe, staring at her as she fell in love with that baby right before my eyes. Surprisingly overcome with emotion, I could suddenly imagine our whole future, except it would be our baby she would be cradling and rubbing noses with. She was already the most amazing mom on the planet, and I couldn’t wait to make her a mother again.
I was nervous.
Not I-hope-I-make-it-on-time nervous or even please-don’t-let-this-cop-pull-me-over nervous. I was interview-at-a-job-I-really-want, first-day-at-a-new-school, about-to-take-my-state-boards nervous, all rolled into one.
It was the dead of winter in Minnesota, temperatures were barely in the double digits, and I was freezing my ass off sitting on a wrought iron bench, but I just wasn’t quite ready to go into the coffee shop and see my dad. You would think that after all that time, no matter what the circumstances of his leaving were, I’d be excited to see him, but I wasn’t. I was terrified.
What if I didn’t like him?
What if he didn’t like me?
What if I lost the courage to ask him everything I’d wanted to ask him over the last fifteen years?
You know how you’ll find out, Kacie? Go inside.
I don’t know if it was my brain or my cold toes talking, but something willed me to start walking up the concrete steps and into the tiny green shop. A bell above the door clanged as I pushed it open. Soft music, warm air, and the smell of coffee immediately filled my senses, making me feel cozy and at ease. Maybe this would be a great day after all.
I took my coat off, intentionally not looking around at the tables. I don’t know why, but I wanted him to see me first. As I moved in slow motion to hang my coat on a hook behind the door, I took a deep breath. Everything would be different when I turned around. Good or bad, it would be different.
One more big breath, and… turn.
My eyes scanned the restaurant, but I didn’t see him. What was that feeling in my stomach? Disappointment? Relief? I wasn’t quite sure, but something was weighing me down like a rock. A man in the far corner caught my attention as he stood up and waved at me.
Him.
My stomach flipped again as I smiled and waved back. I scooted past tables and chairs, trying to figure out what I was going to say to him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to think for long. He went first.
“Kacie. Wow! Look at you,” he boasted as I got closer. Walking around the side of the table, he held his arms out. I wasn’t sure I was ready for a hug, but there was no going back now. As his scruffy cheek brushed mine, the smell of his aftershave instantly transported me back in time twenty years to when I would get a giant hug before he tucked me in to bed every night. It was amazing how people could smell the same year after year.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he hugged me tight.
“Thanks,” I offered back awkwardly. I pulled away and set my purse down in an empty seat, opting to sit across from him.
He settled into his seat too and took a cleansing breath. “So…”
“So.” I smiled politely. “Great weather we’re having, huh?”
My dad’s deep laugh echoed throughout the quiet little coffee shop, a little too loudly. “Oh, Kacie. You always were quite the jokester.”
What? No, I wasn’t.
I never joked much at all. I was actually the opposite. I was the weird kid who made my bed every single morning and made sure my stuffed animals were lined up perfectly, in alphabetical order, of course. I was also the weird kid who brought carrots and snap peas to school in her lunch every single day. I was the weird kid who wouldn’t swim for thirty minutes after eating for fear that I’d get a cramp and die in the lake. Joking was never my thing. That’s why Brody and I got along so well. He was the jokester, the yin to my yang.
“Can I get you something?” The waitress’s voice pulled me from my daydream and I stared up at her like she’d just asked me if I wanted to jump off the roof of the building. Her eyes darted to my dad then back to me. “Ma’am?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “I’ll take a hot chocolate, please. Extra whipped cream.”
“Sure thing. Be right back.” She smiled kindly and walked away.
“How’s your mom?”
I was surprised by my dad’s first question, but my mom was a source of comfort and strength in my life, so I knew we couldn’t go wrong there.
“She’s great. Amazing, actually.”
“Good to hear.” He nodded. “Where’s that superstar fiancé of yours? Thought maybe he’d be joining us.”
“Nope. They have a home game tonight, so he’s in the city.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “Do you go to a lot of his games?”
“As many as I can when I’m not working. I-I’m a nurse now,” I added, realizing he knew nothing about me.
“Really? Good for you.” He grinned proudly.
“Anyway, the girls and I love going—” I paused. “Do you know I’m a mom?”
His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open just a smidge. “No. I’m a grandpa?”
Resentment filled all my available head space when he called himself a grandfather. They already had two grandfathers—Fred, who’d been there for all their skinned knees and runny noses, and Bob, who’d made them the most adorable hot pink mini-picnic table for their birthday this past summer. He even stenciled their names and little white daisies on the corners of the benches. That was a grandfather.
“Yeah, you are. Twice, actually, in a matter of ten minutes.” I chuckled nervously. “I have twin girls. They’re six, almost seven.”