My pulse raced, my heart pounded. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him so bad. How could I be with a person who literally gambles away their kids’ food?
I ran to the bedroom and packed two duffel bags. One for me and one for the girls. I had no idea where I was going or how long I would be gone, but it didn’t matter at that moment. I just needed to get away.
Zach didn’t try to stop me as I left. In fact, I think he went back to sleep.
My mother couldn’t know what Zach had done, she’d never let me hear the end of it. I only had one option: Alexa’s.
She opened the front door to her house and shook her head.
“Don’t say a word,” I begged as I walked past her into her house and set the girls in Derek’s lap. “Congratulations. It’s a girl. Actually, two of them.”
He laughed and picked Lucy up, tossing her in the air.
“Dude. He is such an ass,” Alexa snarled after I grabbed the bags from the car.
“I know.” I sighed. “That’s it, Alexa. I mean it. If he doesn’t even care about groceries for the girls, there’s no hope for the two of us.”
“I hope you really mean that this time,” she accused, raising an eyebrow at me. “Don’t fall for any of his bullshit excuses. You deserve better.”
Zach and I were back together before Thanksgiving. He showed up at Alexa’s house with apologies and empty promises galore. I was holding strong until he apologized for the twentieth time and asked if we could look at engagement rings before Christmas. I melted and went home with him.
“Earth to Pooks.” Alexa’s voice rattled in my brain. I was so engrossed in my memory, I hadn’t listened to anything she’d been saying this whole time. “You were thinking about it, weren’t you? That day?”
I nodded and picked at my nail polish again.
“You were stupid,” she said.
My head snapped up and I glared at her.
“It’s true.” She shrugged. “You were stupid to go back to him and you know that you were, but I believe everything happens for a reason. If you hadn’t gone back that time, who knows what your life would have been like?”
I sniffled and thought back to how hard I’d fought to be a good mom and keep my family together.
“Those girls are lucky to have you, Kacie. And all three of you are lucky to have Brody. Do not fuck this up. Just don’t.”
“Hey!” I stood at my counter, cutting up carrots as my mom walked through my front door.
“Hi, honey.” She came over and wrapped her arms around me. “How’s my boy?”
“Fine. How are you? How was your day?”
My mom’s normally bright, cheery face looked gray and tired with dark circles under her eyes. “It was long and exhausting.” She sighed. “But I’m glad it’s over with.” She lifted the lid on the huge silver pot on my stove. “What are you making? It smells delicious.”
“Beef stew. Your favorite.” I smiled at her. “We have time, though. Do you want to go lie down and take a nap before dinner?”
A slight frown crossed her face as she tilted her head to the side. “No way. I just got here. I’d feel bad.”
“It’s okay. I was worried you’d beat me home and not be able to get in, so I left as soon as practice ended and didn’t shower. I’ll do that, take D for a walk, and then we can have some dinner and talk. I went and got all your chick movies; we can pull an all-nighter.” I walked over and took her sweater from her, gently rubbing her shoulders as I pushed her toward my guest room. She felt small, weak… like if I squeezed too hard, her bones would shatter right in my hands.
“Sounds like fun.” She yawned. “I’ll try not to sleep long.”
“Mom, you had a long day. Rest. I’m not going anywhere.” I kissed her on the cheek before she walked down the hall, disappearing into the dark room.
I added the carrots to the pot and hustled off to my room to shower. When I was done, I hooked Diesel up to his leash, peeked in on my mom, who was sleeping soundly, grabbed my cell phone, and left.
Nothing beat Minnesota in early September, especially in the evenings. The air was cool and for a people watcher like me, it was like hitting the jackpot. Diesel did his business and we parked it on a bench outside my building while I texted Kacie.
HEY, BABY. YOU BUSY?
K: HEY! ROUGH DAY. :( NEEDED TO LAUGH. I’M AT THE MOVIE THEATER WITH THE GIRLS.
Shit.
NO PROBLEM. I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI. I MISS YOU.
K: I MISS YOU… SO MUCH. IS YOUR MOM THERE YET? HOW IS SHE FEELING?
YEAH, SHE GOT HERE AWHILE AGO. SHE’S NAPPING. THEN WE’RE GONNA HAVE DINNER AND HANG OUT.
K: SOUNDS FUN. I’LL CALL YOU LATER?
DON’T FORGET. I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
K: ASK ME NOW. :)
My palms were sweating. I felt like a nervous, pimple-faced teenager about to ask a girl to prom.
IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL, REALLY. MY FIRST HOME GAME IS NEXT WEEKEND. ANY CHANCE YOU’D WANT TO TAKE ME UP ON THAT OFFER AND BRING THE GIRLS HERE? MAYBE SPEND THE NIGHT? ALL OF YOU?
K: ABSOLUTELY!
Really?
REALLY?
K: OF COURSE! I’VE BEEN DYING TO WATCH YOU PLAY. THE GIRLS HAVE TOO. LET ME JUST CHECK MY SCHEDULE AND MAKE SURE I’M NOT WORKING. THEN WE SHOULD BE GOOD.
AWESOME. WE’LL TALK MORE LATER. TELL THE GIRLS I SAID HI. HAVE FUN.
K: I WILL. LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, MORE.
K: ;)
As I tucked my phone in my pocket, Diesel jumped up on the bench and licked my face. “Ready to go inside?”
His ears raised and he tilted his head.
“It’s gonna be a long night, D. Lots of chick movies. Don’t leave me, okay?”
“Feel better?” I sat up on the edge of my couch and muted the TV when Mom walked into the living room, stretching her arms above her head.
“Much. Thank you.” She curled up in the chair across from me.
“Hungry?”
“Starving.” She started to get up, but I stopped her. “Sit. I’ll get it.”
I walked into the kitchen, scooped up two huge bowls of beef stew, and brought them into the living room. “Here.” I handed one to her. “Eat, please.”
“Stop fussing over me. I’m fine.” She smiled and took the bowl from me as I sat down on the couch.
“You’re not fine. You’re skinny.”
“Oh, please.” She waved me off. “It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around. Anyway…” She sighed. “What’s going on with you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know. You seem… distracted.”
How do mothers know these things? Was there some sort of alarm system attached to the uterus that let them know when something was going on internally with one of their kids?
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Let’s not do that thing where you pretend to be a big strong man who doesn’t like to talk to his mom about his problems. You’re my son. I love you. What’s going on?”
I sighed. “My first game of the season is a week from tomorrow and I’m stressed about it.” I set my bowl on the coffee table and rubbed my temples.