“Kacie? If I may, honey, you said yourself, they have her sedated … why don’t you go get something to eat and step out for a bit? Might do you some good. I’ll stay here with her until you guys get back.” JoAnn’s lips curled slightly into a tight, reassuring smile.
Brody stood and held his hand out to me.
I was too tired to argue.
“I’ll just be gone a few minutes,” I said to JoAnn who stood to hug me again on our way out.
“No problem, honey. Take your time.”
Brody and I started toward the waiting room when I froze.
“Wait.” I looked down at my blood stained t-shirt. “Is there another way down to the gift shop? I don’t want Lucy to see me like this.”
“We’ll find one.” He pulled me the other direction.
We weaved our way left and right through empty, white hallways until we finally found the lobby.
“Thanks.” I smiled up at him and gently tried to pull my hand back, but he squeezed me tighter.
“Don’t.”
I wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around him and just be, but he wasn’t mine, he never would be, and holding his hand just made things harder.
I sighed. “Brody-”
“Not today.” He cut me off. “We’re going to talk soon, but not today. Today I need to hold your hand as bad as you need to hold mine, so just don’t.”
A few minutes later, we walked out of the gift shop and headed toward the cafeteria. I was sporting a brand new light pink “World’s Greatest Aunt” t-shirt.
We didn’t talk, just shuffled hand in hand through the hallway. At that moment I was so drawn into myself, deep in thought about everything that had happened, Brody was my lifeline to the outside world. He apologized when I bumped into people as he led me to a table in the back of the cafeteria.
“Sit down, I’ll be right back.” He ordered gently.
I sat and quietly looked down at the wood laminate table fully aware that people were staring—either at Brody or the depressed girl he walked in with—and I was in no mood to return fake smiles.
He returned a short time later and sat across from me, setting down a turkey sandwich, a salad, a banana, chocolate pudding, a bag of Cheetos, a bottle of water and chocolate milk.
I frowned and looked up at him. “How hungry do you think I am?”
“I don’t know,” he shook his head, smiling slightly, “I just wanted to make sure you ate something.”
We were quiet while I ate, but it felt like a big, white elephant was sitting at the table with us. He said we weren’t going to talk today and I appreciated that. I didn’t think I could form a sentence that made sense, nor did I have the will to push him away again. I felt so weak that had he said one sweet thing to me, I would’ve caved and lost myself in his arms.
I nibbled at the turkey sandwich and ate half the banana while he devoured everything else. We threw away the garbage and walked back up to the waiting room in silence. I was so anxious to wrap my arms around Lucy; I was almost jogging. As soon as I saw her, I dropped to my knees as she threw her arms around my neck, knocking me back.
Trying hard to remain strong and upbeat, I couldn’t help the few tears that escaped. I sat cross-legged on the hospital waiting room floor with Lucy curled up in my lap for several minutes, just feeling her breathe and smelling her hair. I wanted to run in that room, scoop Piper up and hold her just like this.
“Mommy, when does Piper get to come home?”
The knot in my stomach grew. “I’m not sure, baby. We have to wait and see what the doctor’s say, okay?”
“Can I go see her?” she asked.
I looked up at Brody, whose eyes went wide as he shook his head back and forth slightly.
“Oh, baby. She’s resting right now, she can’t talk back to you.”
Her head snapped up to look at me, “I know, Mom, but I want to talk to her. Please?”
I never had a sibling so I would never understand that bond they had, and being twins only made that bond stronger.
“Okay,” I sighed, “come on.”
“Is that really a good idea?” Brody asked nervously.
I shrugged, “I have no idea.”
We walked through the automatic doors as I silently prayed for a nurse to stop us and say that Lucy wasn’t allowed in. No one did, they just gave us sympathetic smiles as we walked by. We got to Piper’s room, and Lucy reached up and held my hand, squeezing it tightly.
“You’re sure you want to go in here?”
She nodded and Brody put his hand on her shoulder.
I pushed the door open and watched Lucy’s face closely as she took in her surroundings. Her brown eyes were wide as they darted around the room, finally settling on her sister. My mom and JoAnn stopped talking and stared at Lucy.
Lucy looked up at me. “Can she hear me?”
“Yep, but she can’t answer you. Wanna sit next to her?”
She nodded again as I lifted her up onto the foot of the bed next to Piper. Her eyes inspected every inch of her sister, from the IV to the dried blood in her hair.
“Does that hurt?” She pointed to the IV.
“Nope.” I tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her tiny ear.
This time she pointed to the oxygen mask on Piper’s face, “Does that hurt?”
“Not at all.”
“I bet those hurt.” She stretched, trying to see the staples in Piper’s head.
“Those probably would have hurt, but she was asleep when they put them in, so she didn’t feel it. Her head will probably be sore when she wakes up though.”
Lucy paused, “Is she gonna wake up?”
Her question sent me into a tailspin. My chest grew tight and I couldn’t breathe, The room felt like it was spinning so fast, I couldn’t focus my eyes on any one thing.
“Whoa, whoa. You okay?” Brody reached out and grasped my shoulders.
“Yeah, I just feel a little woozy,” I panted.
“Come sit here, by the window,” my mom said, jumping up as JoAnn reached behind them and cranked the window open slightly.
I leaned my arm on the windowsill and rested my head on it, taking slow, deep breaths of the fresh air that blew inside. The conversation behind me turned into mumbles as I blocked it out, concentrating on nothing but breathing.
“You okay?” JoAnn gently rubbed my shoulders.
I looked up at her and cracked a small smile. “I think so. This day has just been … overwhelming.”
“I’m sure it has.” She sat down next to me. “I think we’re gonna get going—if you don’t need anything else?”
“No, I’m good.” I pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you for coming. It means so much to me.”
She squeezed back, tight. “Oh, honey. No problem, I wish there were more we could do.”
“I think we’re gonna go too.” Mom walked up. “I need to get Lucy home to bed, it’s been a long day for her.”
I hugged my mom and scooped Lucy up in my arms, covering her face with kisses. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy. If Piper wakes up, tell her I’m not mad at her for getting her blood on my floaties.”
I chuckled. “Okay, baby. I’ll tell her.”