Slowly getting up from the table, I heard him hiss as I was about to do something that used to drive him mad.
“Don’t—” he warned, getting up from the carpeted floor before I felt his arms circle my hips. He dragged me away, bringing me down with him with my back on the carpet. “Don’t do that,” he murmured.
“Why not?” I teased. “You used to love that…”
“Don’t get me wrong, I still do, but I don’t want to go harsh on you tonight. I want to savor you slowly…” His head went towards my abdomen, marking a kiss on the tiny bump that could barely be noticed unless you really stared at it hard.
“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look, especially pregnant? Your cheeks are always flushed, and your eyes have light behind them. You glow.” He kissed the other side of my hips, trailing kisses around the area. “I love seeing the gradual transformation of your body ripening before me.”
Bringing his head above mine, his eyes softened while he watched me closely. “I don’t think I have said thank you. Thank you for this present. At first, I was panicked, but the more I get used to the idea, the more I see how much I actually want to be a father. It still terrifies the bonkers out of me, yet there’s excitement with it now. So, thank you for giving me one of the greatest gifts a man could ever wish for.”
“Do you mean that?” I choked back, forcing myself not to cry.
“Yes … I do … more than you’ll ever understand.”
A tear slipped away, and his thumb immediately went to catch it. “You didn’t have to tell me this, but you must know how much I appreciate that you did. There are times when I’ve thought you might hate me for it … so hearing you say otherwise just took a hefty load of guilt off my heart.”
Chapter 26
Reiss
“What?” she asked after a while of me gazing at her with what must have been an odd expression on my face.
I quickly shook my head and murmured, “Nothing … nothing at all.” It wasn’t as if I wanted to convey what was going on in my head. She simply looked beautiful tonight, and I couldn’t take my eyes away from her. I couldn’t do it in the past, and it certainly seemed like I couldn’t do it years later. Even more so with her pregnant.
There was something volatile inside of me that made me feel entirely possessive at the thought of her carrying my child. I wanted to hide her away so no man would dare look at her and see what saw. I hadn’t planned for any of this to happen, yet here I was, staring at the very woman who had ruined me, marred me so deeply inside I thought I couldn’t ever recover from the slashing pain.
My cock was in monumental pain, although I was still fighting this consuming need to give in and have her—, all of her, tonight. There was a part of me that knew things would shift. Be it for the worse or for the better, I knew it wouldn’t be something I could undo. My actions from here on out would carry vast consequences, burdened by marriage, and I was having a difficult time letting things go, letting the past take a back seat while I figured out what would be the best course to take from here.
When she had said she loved me, all I wanted to say was, “Bollocks. You haven’t got a clue what love is.” But then, as I looked into her eyes, I didn’t have the heart to argue with her on the subject; thus I stayed mum. Besides, as far as I was concerned, it was best we didn’t discuss anything that had the word love attached to it. I’d rather take my own life than fall in love with her again. She had repeatedly proven to me how unworthy she was of my love, and with that poisonous emotion out of my system, there was no way I’d let it root inside again.
It had been fanciful of me, though, to believe I wouldn’t be tempted to want her. Whenever she was around, my cock would spring to life, and it usually took everything in me to control those urges. Those urges that almost felt too violent to manage. If I could let this hatred go, even for a night with her, it would truly be liberating. However, I was man enough to know I might not be able to handle it. Because, the truth was, I was petrified of Ava and the kind of influence she wielded over me. Like a loaded gun, she had the capability of wounding me, dismantling my very essence, leaving me in scattered pieces.
What man would gamble that kind of tragedy after they’d learned their lesson? Apparently, not I. I was confident enough to think I’d eventually get close to her while remaining devoid of emotional connection. It would take time and practiced patience, but eventually, I’d get there. I always did accomplish my goals once I put my energy into focus.
“What are you frowning about?” She batted her long lashes at me with her tantalizing eyes that were looking more violet than blue as she gazed serenely in my direction.
We were still splayed on the rug in the living room with Ava fully naked while I was still clothed. Thoughts of food had been abandoned ten minutes ago since this wicked woman had decided to taunt me, and she knew exactly how.
“You. It’s you I’m frowning about.” My answer came fluidly out of my mouth, and I noted how she immediately stiffened.
She nudged forward. “And? Aren’t you going to tell me?”
There were a lot of things that troubled me, and I wasn’t sure which one I should start with, but I somehow ended up saying, “When did you realize that you made the wrong choice in choosing him over me?”
Her lips parted, seeming to have difficulty forming the words to answer my question. Licking her lips, she curled the hair that was tucked neatly behind her ear around her finger. “When you left, I felt the hurt, but it wasn’t until after the news broke that you had died that I truly felt the full impact of losing you.”
How tricky her answer was. “So, when I left you in the library, what did you do next?”
“I … uh … went back to my friends.” She sulked. “You’re going to hold that against me, aren’t you?”
I held her accountable for a lot of things.
“I’m trying to understand what happened before, but there wasn’t much in there to glean that I haven’t known all along.”
“There you go again—always ready to shut me out. I get it. I was a terrible, rotten to the core, young girl, and I deserved to be crucified, but haven’t I suffered enough?” Her lips wobbled as she spoke, trying to hold her tears at bay. “I fucking love you, and I see through you—it’s obvious you don’t believe me. But give me a chance to prove you wrong. I’ve changed. I’ve given up everything to follow your whims. When you treat me like I’m nothing except a body to play with, even after all the anguish, I still make excuses for you. You punish me, and I’m letting you”—she sobbed softly—“because I’m still hopeful … because, even after all of this, I still believe there’s a part of you that remains mine, no matter how much you claimed to have fallen for someone else. I don’t care—I’m here, still trying to prove you wrong, even if it’s killing me inside.”