I wanted to be cruel, therefore I had told her I wouldn’t dare divorce her even if she killed me for it. Then, when she sounded unfazed by it all, I had dug it a little deeper, where I knew it would frazzle her. That was all it had been, merely words to me. I hadn’t thought I’d truly go through with it until I came home and she threatened to sleep with my cousin.
That was truly gutting to hear her say. Kyle? Well, that was already a given. I knew she’d run to him even before she said it. But Clive? Never. Besides, it wasn’t as if Clive could resist Sienna because, once she put her mind to seduction, she would be lethal to anyone’s libido.
I wanted to hate Sienna. I truly did, but my heart wouldn’t let me.
I cared, yet I somehow had shut off my emotions in fear that I’d become the bloody idiotic fool I was for her. I always was where she was concerned. Conversely, maybe there was a major part of me that had wanted to see her chase me, to prove she loved me the way I did her. Yet, as the days had gone on, with no effort coming from her, I had somehow given up on hoping she would at least meet me halfway. I had married her because I’d thought I had found what my father had found with my mother—unconditional love, devotion, and loyalty.
It was hard to admit it but I think I might’ve been mistaken on believing that.
We’d just had sex triple times without any form of protection, including her birth control. I had wanted a baby with her before, but the thought of conceiving it when she wanted a divorce… That would be challenging. I could fight her to stay, but then again, it would only be temporary because, either way, if she wanted to be free, she was going to find a way to do it.
“Take me to bed,” she whispered before collapsing on my chest, her hand loosely on my neck as I fought the urge to kiss her.
Taking a few steady breaths, I held her against my body as I lifted us both from the steps and paved our way towards our bedroom. Once in there, I strode to the vast bed, depositing her right in the middle, swarmed with shams and pillows.
I stared at her spent form as I felt the immediate rush of excitement towards my groin. Even in dire circumstances, I would always be hungry for her.
“Stay…” she murmured before she slowly lifted her eyes open then reached for my hand to tug me closer. “I was only taking a break. Give me half an hour, and I should be good as new.”
No more sex, I thought without hesitation. We couldn’t solve everything with sex. But I would stay, just for tonight.
Joining her in our marital bed, my head had barely hit the pillows when she crawled towards me and placed her head on my chest before releasing a big sigh.
“I was pregnant last year…” she murmured, momentarily making me freeze as I realized what she’d just uttered.
Huh? Was she dreaming? “When?” I asked skeptically.
She took a deep breath. “Right after the attack… a week before we left for Rome. I didn’t even have a clue until the nurse told me I was losing the baby.”
Christ, this was even before we had gotten married.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I wasn’t angry; no, far from it. I suddenly mourned the loss of our child as I pictured Sienna walking down the aisle on our wedding day.
“You were recovering from your wound…” she sniffed. “And losing it made me feel like a failure. I was terrified you’d leave me because I wasn’t doing a great job of being a mother.”
“But you had no idea you were pregnant then—”
She hesitantly sat, wiping her tears away. “I didn’t, yet I couldn’t help feeling like I had let you and the baby down. There was so much going on then that trying to forget about what occurred to me seemed pretty easy. But each time you mentioned the word baby, I couldn’t help cringing because I’m horrible at being a mom, and I didn’t want you to see that.” She pauses. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”
“So am I,” I said wretchedly. Had I known about it, I wouldn’t have pressured her the way I had in the first place.
But we were still stuck in this predicament. Even with this revelation, I doubted it could make any difference at all.
The Ghost of You
Sienna
My best kept secret was a secret no longer.
“Where does this leave us?” The thought of not having him in my life drove a sword into my soul. How idiotic was I to provoke him when I felt too much of everything at once? I was too insecure, too jealous, too in love, too emotional—too much of everything I could think of. I was this and that and then some. The heaviness of my regret seemed to suffocate me as I waited for his response. And when he did, I felt so alone.
“Same as where we were an hour ago. Nothing’s changed, Sienna. There are some things that are too hurtful to even take back.”
“I know… I know that now.” I begged with everything I had, “I’m immature, I get that, but please, just don’t give up on me yet. I didn’t mean it—the divorce—I’m sorry.” I didn’t even bother with the tears because I was past it. I was hysterically upset as everything started to take root in my heart. “I love you, and if you don’t believe it, I’ll gladly prove it by having your child. Please just give me another chance.” Nothing mattered anymore. Without Blake, I’d be lost again, wondering what my purpose was in all of this. With him, I felt like I could accomplish anything. He was the power behind my will. His undying belief that I could do anything made me feel and believe it. “Don’t leave me…” I’d lose my other half. I’d lose half of my soul. How the fuck did I function if I had only half of my heart? Half of everything I was? I just couldn’t. I just fucking couldn’t.
“You don’t want a baby, Sienna, so please don’t insult my intelligence by saying you’d willingly change your mind because you felt responsible for lighting the fire.” He gazed at me with sadness, but it was obvious his mind was already set.
I hadn’t realized how much I wanted a baby until tonight, until I finally knew I was losing him.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I tried to get a hold of myself, totally failing. “One more chance.”
“Sienna—”
“You owe me that at least. One more, and if you remain unhappy, I’d willingly let you go myself.”
He looked away, thinking, and then… “Why do you do this?” he grounded out, impatient. “Do you enjoy the misery? Do you miss it when it’s gone? Because, from where I’m standing, it’s quite certain that you seek all types of turmoil and upheaval. I’m getting too old for these types of shenanigans, Sienna. I’m at the point in my life where I want a sensible wife, children. I want a bloody family! It was all I wanted from you, and yet, you kept pushing me off as if my dreams were about to ruin you.”