“And after the baby? You’re not dumping me, are you?”
I shrugged noncommittally. “Well, that depends…”
She playful hit my chest again before I kissed her senseless. “I would never leave you. Especially not now. Not when I can’t function without you.” It was true. “I might have to lessen my trips to a week if I can’t take you with me. I can’t stand being this far from you.”
The soft, intimate mood was interrupted by the loud, growling sound of her belly.
“We’re starving, in case you haven’t heard.” She made a sheepish grin. “Your baby’s a little demanding.”
It was a Knightly trait, one that would drive the mother a little crazy. In approximately eight months’ time, our little bean would be ready to say hello to Mama and Papa.
Mrs. Knightly
Two weeks later
Blake
I went over to see Sienna at work. It was nine at night and I was suddenly consumed with this profound need to see her, even if it was from afar.
It had been two weeks since I had seen her last, when she had made a surprise visit to Australia. It would’ve been nice to come home to her waiting for me after being so far apart for so long, but she was busy with her studies and work. I respected that about her—that she still wanted to pave her way even though I had more money than Croesus, and she was more than welcome to do as she pleased. The woman was stubborn. She still paid her own shopping sprees and other stuff women enjoyed with her own money. The credit cards and the savings account I had opened for her remained untouched.
I had never thought I’d rue the day I wished a woman wasn’t after my money. Regardless, this was not the case with my wife. It would’ve been nice if she took a little from me. Something was better than nothing. It merely proved she was highly independent and didn’t need me at all. I wanted her to need me, though, like I needed her. However, my incessant nagging made her threaten me with not using any of the cards to decorate our baby’s room. Subsequently, I took the hint and left her be.
Even in pregnancy, she was still gorgeous as ever, and my desire for her only burned brighter.
Life was the same, even though we were expecting. She continued to be quite active in all of her endeavors, and I admired her spirit, even though she was boggled with doubts about parenting. But with my assurance, we would cope together.
~
The next day…
It was a Saturday, and I noticed she was all geared up to head somewhere.
“Where are you headed to?”
“The farmers’ market around Marylebone.”
“Can I come?” I inquired lightly, hoping she’d say yes.
She looked doubtful. “Are you sure your multi-billion dollar empire can survive without you for a day?”
“A few hours won’t make a difference, no need to worry.”
She rolled her eyes before taking a recycled bag out of the drawer. “We need these.”
“So, what do you plan to shop for? Eggplants and a few tomatoes?” I smirked, loving the whole domesticated exchange we were having. Who would’ve thought I’d be going to a farmers’ market on a bloody Saturday? Surely my grandfather would be amused once I told him the story.
I strode over to her, lovingly memorizing her face. My wife. “I love you, Sienna.” I just had to say it.
Every day, without fail, I’d tell her just how much she meant to me.
Baby Blues
Blake
We had just come back from a doctor’s appointment where we saw how our baby was doing when Sienna started to cry like someone had died.
Cautiously closing the front door, I took a moment to look at her and wondered if this was purely hormonal or if it was much more than that.
“Cara?” I asked gently as I strode towards her.
Large tears streamed down her lovely face. “This is becoming all too real, and I’m scared, Blake. I’m fucking terrified.”
I immediately went and held her, soothing her by smoothing down her hair as I softly told her comforting things. “We’re not going to lose our baby, poppet. This one’s a fighter. Trust me on this one.”
She shook her head, truly inconsolable. “That’s not what I meant. This child, with my luck… it’s petrifying. Don’t get me wrong, I love children. I’m just scared that the past will repeat itself and my child will be helpless like I was.”
This was more about her, not the child per say. It was about her past experiences. Poor darling.
“Oh, Sienna…”
“I grew up frightened, Blake. Hiding from my aunt and uncle and my cousins became normal to me. I don’t want that for my child. We could just die any day…” Her fears were visible in her eyes. She truly was terrified.
“I could die tomorrow, but I’m comforted by the fact that we have friends that will help you and the baby. Toby, Lucy, and Chad will do everything in their power to help raise our son or daughter.”
She made a small hiccupping sound before she hugged onto me tighter. “I’ve been getting these weird, frightful dreams…
“I love you,” she whispered, shaking a little with tears in her eyes. “I love you so much, a And the thought of losing you forever terrifies me more than you know. There are times that I’m distant. It’s because of that reason. If I lose you, I’m going with you, Blake.”
I was glad she was opening up to me about her fears. I had actually been starting to worry that she had easily accepted being pregnant without any major emotional upheaval. However, if I died tomorrow, I’d never forgive her if she decided to go with me.
“No, you won’t. I won’t let you.” I sought her eyes. “You will move on and live a long, happy life. If it does happen, I would want you to find another man that loves you the way I have loved you. A man that’s willing to put you ahead of his needs. I don’t want to see you pining for me; I want you and the baby to have a happy, enriched life. That’s why I’m working so hard to build a future for you both.”
“How could you say that?” She was aghast at the thought of it. “If I died, I wouldn’t want you to move on. I’m terrified about everything—the future, losing you. Maybe I’m just being hormonal, but I can’t stop thinking about all these awful things that could happen to us.”
I laughed, knowing she meant it. “I’d mourn you until I joined you…”
I never wanted to part with her. Even in death, I’d stay close by her side. And that was a promise.