Attempting to avoid the question, I reach across to his plate, fork a pancake, and swirl it around in the syrup leisurely. Flush rises up my face. His eyes never leaving mine, he watches me intently. Bringing the fork to my mouth, I attempt to deflect, “Are you avoiding my question, Jackson Knight?”
“Maybe.” His face turns serious. “I guess I just wish I had a better reason to tell you.” He pauses, reflecting on something before continuing, “I wish I had a better reason for myself.”
“I’m sure whatever you decided, you had good reason at the time. Sometimes things we choose to do make perfect sense at one time…but later, in hindsight, we can’t imagine what we must have been thinking.”
Jax searches my eyes, “I guess you’re right.”
“I usually am,” I tease, an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Well, I could have used you ten years ago, when I decided to follow my father’s choice of careers for me, instead of my own.”
“Is that why you didn’t fight? You didn’t want to disappoint your father?”
Jax’s face tenses, “Not my finest hour.”
“Actually, I think it’s honorable that you followed his guidance.”
“At the time I thought he was an honorable person.”
I’ve always known how lucky I was to have the father I did. It saddens me to think Jax’s father let him down when he looked up to him so much. I try to offer comfort, “Parents are human too. Sometimes they make bad decisions.”
Standing, Jax looks anxious to change the subject, but not before delivering his final thought, “And sometimes they’re just bad people.”
***
Together, we clean up breakfast in relative quiet. Although the quiet isn’t the same comfortable one as it was earlier. It feels like he built a wall and I’m on the other side of it. The recent conversation is still obviously weighing on him.
“I’m going to take a quick shower.”
Jax nods.
The warmth of the pulsating shower helps to soothe my aching muscles. It’s been a while since I’ve used some of them. Closing my eyes, I smile as the memories of last night play over in my head. Sex with Caden, even in the beginning when things were good, was never like it was with Jax last night. It was just sex. An activity. A mutual release, which I enjoyed at the time, but we never had a connection to elevate things from sex to making love. Last night felt more like making love than I’d ever experienced in my life. I didn’t just give over my body to Jax…it was more. I let him in, gave him a piece of me. Maybe even a piece I’ll never get back.
When I’m sufficiently pruney, I wrap a towel around my body and open the bathroom door which leads to my bedroom and find Jax lying in my bed. The sheet covering to his waist, the sight of his shirtless torso enough to bring my body that just relaxed in the long, hot shower back to life.
“Hey,” Jax says softly.
“Hey.” I smile and make my way over to the dresser to grab some clothes.
“Come here,” His voice is low, but his tone makes the simple two words more of a demand than a question, it stirs something inside of me.
Still wrapped in my towel, I sit on the edge of the bed next to him.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You didn’t do anything.”
Jax strokes the wet strands of hair away from my face. “I shut you out when you were only trying to get to know me better.”
I smile, appreciating the thought he’s given to our conversation and his ability to recognize what he’d done. A sign of maturity, something I’m not used to with the men I’ve dated over the years.
“Thank you.” I smile.
Jax nods. Folding his hands behind his head, he leans back leisurely on the headboard. “I had an epiphany while you were in the shower.”
“An epiphany, huh?” I arch an eyebrow. My shower seems to have washed away something for both of us.
“Yep. I’m turning over a new leaf. From now on, I’m not hiding what I want. No more worrying about my family, the media, the reflection my actions might take on the precious Knight legacy. Let them snap pictures. I know who I am.”
“That sounds perfect,” I say, because it really does…and he makes it sound so easy.
Jax leans forward and pulls me back onto the bed, then lifts me onto his lap. “What are you doing?” I giggle.
“I’m starting on my first order of business,” he says, fingering the top of my towel until he loosens the tight wrap and the towel falls around me.
Already squirming while sitting on his lap completely naked, Jax runs both hands down the sides of my arms. Goosebumps flare on my skin. “And your first order of business is…”
“Watching you ride me.” His arms tighten around my waist. He visually assaults my still damp body now bared completely before him as the midmorning sun shines through the nearby window.
Jax’s epiphany may just leave me walking a little funny tomorrow. But I’ll worry about that then.
Chapter 14
Jax
Peace. That’s what I feel as I wake in the late afternoon. I can’t remember the last time I took a midday nap. But it feels damn incredible. Although it likely has something to do with the beautiful angel who’s wrapped around me, her head snuggled close, cheek pressed warmly right above my heart. I listen to the quiet sounds of her breathing. Watch her slow even breaths, the way her mouth twitches up slightly every once in a while, like whatever she’s dreaming is making her happy. I can’t help but smile each time it happens. Somehow seeing her happiness becomes enough to bring my own.
From the nightstand, her phone buzzes yet again. The sound makes her rustle in her sleep. A few minutes later it happens again, this time she lifts her head. I reach for her phone and look at it. Fucking Caden. Whatever peace I was enjoying is quickly replaced by a host of other emotions. Anger, jealousy, somehow even a little hurt, even though she’s done nothing herself to make me feel this way.
“Mine or yours?” she whispers, her voice filled with sleep.
“Yours.” Unintentionally, the word comes out a bit clipped.
She reaches up, assuming I’m going to hand it to her, but I don’t. Instead I push REJECT and toss it back on the nightstand.
Looking up at me, her brows drawn together in confusion at first then a look of understanding replaces it quickly. “Caden?” she asks softly.
I’ve never been the jealous type. But even hearing her say his name evokes a feeling of turmoil inside of me. I have to force myself to not wonder if he’s been in this bed, lying how I’m lying at this very moment. “What’s the deal with that guy?”