As she watched the sun begin to rise on the horizon, she screamed, desperate to find some relief from the pain that she felt. Then she remembered that Cam would be there to go surfing soon. A sudden feeling of relief washed over her. That was her answer. Cam. He could take the pain away, just like he had done the past few days.
She jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to make a cup of coffee, hoping that Cam hadn’t already been there. Grabbing her now filled coffee mug, she ran to the front door, searching for his Jeep. She breathed a sigh of relief when it wasn’t parked out front. As she sat down, taking in the waves that the storm from the previous day had left in its wake, she heard the familiar rumble of his Wrangler driving along the sandy road.
She smiled weakly, thankful there was someone in her life that could help her forget Alexander, even if for just a little while.
“Morning, beautiful,” Cam called out, hopping out of his Jeep and walking the short distance toward where Olivia sat on her deck. He took in her disheveled appearance. Something looked off. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, and it looked like she hadn’t slept. “You okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep last night.”
“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.
She wanted to tell him all about Alexander unexpectedly showing up, but she just couldn’t. She wanted to tell him that she fell apart when Alexander pressed his body against her, making her feel things that she had pushed away those last few months, but the words never came. Instead, she simply smiled. “No. I’ll get over it.”
He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’m going to go catch some waves. See you in a little bit?”
Olivia nodded as she watched him run away toward the shoreline, wondering if she could really replace Alexander with Cam. She had to. It wasn’t an option. She made it quite clear to Alexander that she felt nothing for him. It wasn’t the truth, but it had to be done.
“Penny for your thoughts?” a voice said several minutes later.
She turned and smiled at Cam. “What are you doing back so soon?” she asked, taking in his naked chest as he stood in front of her with his wetsuit unzipped and hanging off his hips, that delicious little V showing. Her heart raced as she thought of Sunday night and his rather talented tongue. For a brief moment, she forgot all about Alexander and the heartache she felt from pushing him away. Again.
“I missed you. Why surf when I can spend time with a beautiful woman?”
Olivia blushed as Cam sat down in the wicker chair next to her, staring her deep in the eyes. “Have you given any thought to what we talked about yesterday, doll face?”
She exhaled loudly, placing her coffee mug on the small lounge table in front of her. In fact, she hadn’t really given much thought at all to what she wanted with Cam. She knew that, once she slept with him, things would change. But she wasn’t sure she wanted that. Maybe all she really wanted was someone to make her feel something other than the dull pain.
“Come on, Libby. Talk to me. You’ve got that look again, and it’s taking all my willpower to not take you into that house and bury myself inside you.” His voice was husky and sexy. Olivia thought about how much she would really enjoy that. She desperately wanted to erase all traces of Alexander from her life and she needed Cam to help her. “But I’m not going to do that,” he admitted, bringing Olivia back from her thoughts.
“Why?” she asked, the hurt apparent across her face.
“Because, Libby. You use sex as a coping mechanism. You use it so you don’t have to deal with your real emotions. And, as fucking great as it was, I can’t, in good conscience, sleep with you again, knowing that it’s only stunting your emotional development.”
Olivia stood up quickly. “You know what? Fuck you. You don’t know anything about me, Dr. Cameron,” she hissed snidely. “So take your psychobabble bullshit somewhere else, okay?” She stormed across the deck toward her front door, the pain of pushing Alexander away threatening to return. She needed Cam to dull that pain and now he was telling her he didn’t want that role. He saw right through what she was doing and she hated him for it.
“Jesus Christ, Olivia. Calm down!” he exclaimed, shooting up and grabbing her arm before she could retreat into the house, locking away the world and all its problems as she wallowed in her own misery. “I like you, Libby. A lot. And I want to help you feel again. And, holy shit, do I ever want to feel your body spasm as I make you come. But I think we rushed into things. I genuinely care about you. I want to sleep with you for the right reasons and not the wrong reasons.” He took a step closer, brushing a wayward curl behind her ear. “I’m scared to lose you,” he said quietly.
Olivia stood there, staring at her feet, the warmth from Cam's body sending tiny shivers up and down her spine at his sweet words. “I’m not yours to lose, Cam.” A tear fell down her cheek. God, she was sick of only feeling pain. When would it all end?
“Olivia, please. I want you to be mine, but I also know you have problems that you need to start addressing. I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t at least recognize that. It’s going to take all my willpower to not sleep with you right now. I want to help you…as a friend who really wants to get into your pants again.” He winked. “We need for you to find a more healthy coping mechanism than sex. That would be a step in the right direction. Please, Olivia. For me.” He grabbed her hand, caressing her knuckles. “And for you.”
“I need to make a phone call,” she said dryly.
“But you don’t have a phone. Who are you calling?”
“You’re the doctor who told me I need to find a healthy coping mechanism. I’m following your fucking advice,” she explained.
Cam raised his eyebrows at her, looking for further explanation.
“Are men really that obtuse? Music. I need a piano.”
A smile spread across his face.
~~~~~~~~~~
After landing back in Boston, Alexander went about his normal routine. Get up. Shower. Walk the dog. Eat. Work. Go home. The last vestige of his military training: When it all goes to shit, remember the routine. So that’s what he did. He resumed his routine, trying to block Olivia from his memory.
He had his answer. He tried to make her want him, to need him, but she didn’t. It was time to move on. As he poured himself a scotch to dull the pain, the door buzzer sounded.