My jaw went slack and I shook my head back and forth.
He opened his stance, eyes bright as gems, voice full of challenge. “Show me,” he said.
“Show me yours first,” I countered.
“Not a chance.”
This was stupid. He had to know I still loved him. But whatever; if he wanted to see, I’d show him.
I peered around the beach and then let my guard down. As always, it felt strange. Kaidan’s arms dropped and his jaw softened. My heart raced as if I were naked in public, showing him what must have been a torrent of emotional colors. Six seconds was all I was willing to chance before reeling my aura back in. He stared at my face, showing that boyish vulnerability a moment more before checking his features into the familiar hardened mask and crossing his arms.
He jutted out his chin. “How do I know those colors are meant for me?”
Ugh!
“They’re for you,” I assured him, jaw clenching.
“If that’s so, then what I said before still holds. We can’t be friends.”
“Fine,” I said with a twist in my gut. “Go ahead and keep cutting me off. But when I actually live my life, you don’t get to be a jerk about it!”
He lifted his hands out to his sides in frustration. “You act as if we can have a relationship, Anna. We can’t!”
My hands tightened into fists at my sides. “You think I don’t know that? I’m painfully aware of that! But even Ginger and Blake find times when they can talk. You’re not the only one who hates his life. This year has sucked!”
I jumped when a boogie board drifted over and hit us on the ankles, chased by a boy in swim trunks. Kaidan picked it up and handed it back. We moved through the surf without talking, giving me a chance to calm. We ended up at the pier with its Ferris wheel painted in a faded rainbow of colors. It was afternoon and the sun was hot and bright when we left the sand and walked on the wooden boardwalk. Families milled about with ice cream cones, and a group of young skater boys loitered around the carnival entrance, smoking cigarettes and attempting trick moves. Kaidan led us past them into the carnival where smells of fried dough drifted along the air.
“Ever been on a Ferris wheel?” he asked me. I shook my head as we walked toward it, passing game stands with grumpy-looking attendants.
“Let me find a restroom first,” I said.
“Loos are by the entrance. I’ll meet you back here.”
It took a few minutes, but I found it. On my way back to the Ferris wheel I caught sight of Kaidan talking to a girl in front of a game booth. I stopped to watch as he handed over some money and was given three balls. The girl, a short and curvy Latina with satiny black hair, leaned over the booth to watch. A lacy black thong peeked out of the back of her hip-hugging shorts. I had to give Kaidan props for not ogling. He tossed the balls one after another, hitting the nearly impossible targets with ease, much to the dismay of the old man attendant. The girl cheered and pointed to a pink teddy bear, which the attendant pulled down and handed to her with a frown.
They turned away from the booth and Kaidan stopped, seeing me.
“Es tu novia?” the girl asked him.
“Er, I’m sorry, I don’t know much Spanish,” he answered. I was decent at Spanish, having taken five years, so I knew she’d just asked if I was his girlfriend. I also knew he had Spanish skills as well, so he’d been avoiding the question.
“Thank you,” she told him, giving me one last glance before walking away, snuggling the pink bundle with pride.
I started moving toward the Ferris wheel when he approached.
“She came up to see if I could win that for her.”
“That was nice of you,” I said. I thought it was cute how he felt the need to explain.
Nobody was in line at the Ferris wheel, so we were let on the rickety contraption right away. An iron bar pressed loosely across our laps.
As the ride lifted, a nervous discomfort nagged me. I gripped the bar.
“Afraid of heights?” he asked. I gave a tight nod and he chuckled. Yeah, I know, I know. I’m a big chicken. He leaned forward to look down, which made the car rock back and forth. I gasped, grabbing the bar harder and squeezing my eyes shut. Maybe if I hadn’t looked so closely at the rusty bolts that held the thing together, my brain wouldn’t be envisioning malfunction.
“Relax.” He laughed. “Have a look.”
I pried my eyes open to look at the amazing view of the sun glimmering off the ocean. I relaxed back into the hard seat. Everything was fine. We were nearly to the top when the ride stopped to let someone else on. I turned my head to Kaidan and bit my lip. He was gazing at me. There was no other word for it. Gone was the hardness.
What was going on in that mind of his?
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. We started moving again, up, up, until stopping at the very top. We were high. Really high. It was bright and breezy, making us squint. Distant voices below sounded like a rowdy group was waiting to get on the ride, maybe the skater boys. But everything felt so far away from us at that moment, like we were floating miles above it all.
“I’m not afraid anymore,” I whispered back.
He cupped a hand over my forehead to shield the sun.
“We should have worn our sunglasses,” he murmured. He was so close I could feel his breath and see the dried sea salt in his hair. My skin became hot. He leaned closer, so close, and breathed in.
“God, you smell nice,” he whispered. “I’ve missed that smell. I’ve missed everything about you, little Ann.”