I never wanted someone as much as I wanted Kat.
Then we were moving along the wall. A lamp toppled over. Kat didn’t seem to mind, thank God, because I was beyond the point of caring about anything other than who was in my arms.
Kat.
Vaguely, I was aware of the TV switching on and off. I tried to rein it all back in, but her hands went to my collar and then she was wiggling down, pulling at the buttons. I could only obey her silent command. I moved back and let her take off my shirt.
I’d pretty much let her do anything at this point. Kind of scary…and all kinds of hot.
I captured her cheeks, pulling her back to my hungry mouth. Man, I couldn’t get enough of her taste, of how she gave it right back to me on all fronts. Her hands went to the button on my jeans.
There was a cracking sound in the house. Most likely something had just gone up in flames. But we were moving toward the couch and then we were on it, our hands everywhere, tugging on clothes, on each other. Our hips were molded together like our lips.
Kat whispered my name, and I was crushing her against me one second and then the next, I was giving up space to explore—for me to explore. Sliding over her arm, down the front of her shirt and lower, and her shirt was off. I don’t even know how, but it was.
“So beautiful,” I said, because she was beautiful. Damn, she was, and that flush I’d seen yesterday did spread everywhere. It took me a long time to lift my gaze, but when I did, I kissed her again. Kissed her until I knew she needed air, claiming her mouth as long as I could.
My body took over completely, rolling against hers, but something else clicked inside me. Another hidden door was opening. I slowed down, taking my time. Where everything had been so frantic and crazed, it was now more tender and controlled. I was still shaking, though, on the verge of…
Of not being able to stop—not wanting to, of needing her more than I should.
You don’t want to be the reason she disappears or is killed.
I stilled and forced my lungs to work like hers. Inhaling ragged breaths that weren’t enough, I lifted my head and opened my eyes. I knew they were glowing, speaking a thousand things I couldn’t say and she’d never understand. Probably not want to hear, either.
Our gazes locked. The look in her eyes, the way her body melted into mine, I knew she’d let me do…anything. But if I didn’t stop now, I wouldn’t stop ever. And even though I was prone to moments of “great dickdom,” as Kat would say, it wasn’t right. Not under these conditions. Not on a freaking couch.
Not when her life was in my hands.
And I kept messing up with her. I was the one who traced her and led an Arum to her at the library. I was the one who pissed her off and all but chased her into a street. I was the one who exposed our kind. I was the one who was repeatedly putting her in danger.
So I said the only thing that came to mind. The only thing I knew that would snap both of us back into a cold, harsh reality.
I forced my lips into the half smile I knew always got under her skin and said, “You’re barely glowing now.”
Chapter 23
After all this time, I’d finally succeeded in keeping Kat away from Dee. Instead of feeling satisfied about that, I felt like shit.
I was such…such an asshole.
Since Sunday afternoon, Kat kept to herself. I made the mistake of poking her with my pen in class Monday and the look she gave me shriveled up very important body parts. All she had said to me was that I blew up her laptop, and then she didn’t speak to me. She didn’t come over to the house to spend time with Dee and by Wednesday, my sister was super suspicious of what had happened.
Not like everyone wasn’t already suspicious over how quickly Kat’s trace had faded. No one asked. Except Andrew. He’d asked if I had sex with Kat.
I’d punched him Monday after school, hard enough to break his nose.
Andrew had laughed, and of course his nose had healed immediately.
You’re barely glowing now?
As if that had been the sole reason why I’d kissed her, why I got my hands on her or got her on that couch, under me and topless. Use any means necessary, Matthew had said, but I doubted he’d meant that. And I was real with myself. I’d gone over there Sunday to work the trace off her. I was prepared to make her go running in the rain or up and down the staircase inside. I hadn’t planned on kissing her.
I hadn’t planned on any of that happening.
I was a dick, but I wasn’t that big of a dick.
What had happened between us was because I wanted her and she had wanted me back. It had nothing to do with the trace, nothing to do with who we were. It didn’t matter in those moments that it had been wrong or that we spent more time fighting each other than anything else. The only thing that had mattered was how she’d felt, how she’d tasted, and the way she’d whispered my name.
But it had been wrong.
Wasn’t it?
Needless to say, my mood was knee-deep in Shitville, and it being Halloween didn’t help. In class, I’d overheard Lesa and Kat making plans to give out candy at the former’s house. Although Kat’s trace was barely there, I didn’t like the idea of her being out there when Baruck was still roaming around.
Without a trace, an Arum wouldn’t be drawn to her, but Baruck had seen Kat. He would be able to recognize her, so like a creep, I’d followed her to Lesa’s house and watched over her. I stayed down a block, and when I saw her leave in her Camry, I headed back home, beating her there, since I’d gone the Luxen route.
Dee had the front porch decked out with carved pumpkins that had tiny lights in them. I was surprised she hadn’t broken out the string ghosts and bats like she normally did.