The sniffles were coming back, and when I felt his hands wrap around my lower back, I pressed into him, forming our bodies together.
“I’m sad,” I said breathily.
He rested his chin on top of my head, soothing me with his loving caresses. “I’m sad, too. So instead of being sad alone, we can be sad together for a little while.” His lips connected with my forehead, and I knew there was no one else in the world I wanted to hold. No one else in the world I wanted to have as mine.
But I would hurt him.
I always hurt people because I never took the time to heal myself.
So I had to leave him.
But it felt so hard to pull away.
“I’ve never been in love before,” I whispered, laying my head against his chest.
His fingers traveled through my hair and ran across my cheek, finding my lips. “I thought I’d been in love before, but I was wrong,” he said, circling my mouth with the tip of his thumb. My hot air brushed against his finger as he continued the simple motion that was driving me insane. “Before you, I never truly loved. I’ve never believed in eternity until I found you, Sweets. Ashlyn Jennings, you’re my forever always.”
“No,” I whispered, on the verge of crying. “Daniel, somebody knows.”
His eyes looked down to mine and I felt his worry wash over me. Or maybe it was my own worry. Sometimes our feelings were so in sync it was hard to tell them apart.
“How?”
“The train station yesterday. They saw us.”
His hand brushed over his face and he nodded, taking in the information. “Okay.”
That’s all he said.
I narrowed my eyes. “Daniel, he wants to tell! He wants to get you in trouble!”
His shoulders fell and his sweet blue eyes locked with mine. “I’ve been thinking about quitting, Ashlyn. I can just do my music to make a living. My parents had a little saved up, too. I’ll sell their house. I can find another job or something. That way I can give you everything you need. We can make this work. I can hold you when you need to be held. I can kiss you and not worry about who’s watching. I’ll come to California to be with you.”
“Daniel,” I said nervously. “You can’t sell that house… It’s your home. And you love teaching.”
“No, I love you. You are all that matters.”
He was going to give up everything he’d worked for, everything he was, to choose me.
That’s when I knew what I had to do.
My voice cracked. “I’m ruining your life.”
The walls felt as if they were closing in. I felt chains wrapping around my heart as I slowly started to un-invite Daniel inside of me.
“No…” his voice choked out. I felt his nerves. He knew where this was going.
“My mom’s doing better. But she’s alone down there. I should go back, go home.”
His fingers wrapped around mine and lay against my chest. “This is home, Ashlyn. We are home.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t—” His voice shook. “I don’t understand. I know things are a mess, but…” Tears burned down his cheeks and he stepped away.
“I don’t know who I am right now, Daniel.” My voice was shaky, broken. “I went from having a twin, to having you, and there has never been a time for me to learn what it means to be alone. And I need to try. I need to try to be alone for awhile to prove to myself that I can stand on my own.”
“I understand that, I really do…but…” He wiped his eyes and turned away from me. His hands landed on his waist, and I watched the deep inhales and heavy exhales he was taking. “How can I fix this? How can I make you stay?” He looked back to me. “I’ll give up my world for you, Ash. I’ll give it all up.”
“Daniel…what if I gave up going to California for school?” I whispered.
He declined that offer, telling me that California was all I ever wanted, it was my dream. I moved over to him and brushed my fingers against his cheeks. My hands wrapped around his neck and I pulled his mouth to mine, kissing him hard, feeling his tears hit my lips.
“I know.” I swallowed hard. “Don’t ask me to be the reason you give up everything.”
“How am I supposed to keep going? Without seeing you every day? Without you?”
My hands landed on his chest. “Start slow,” I said. “Maybe we were just meant to get each other through the darkness.”
“I don’t believe that,” he argued.
I frowned. “It was Jake Kenn. You’ll have to talk to him. I can’t be the reason you lose everything you worked so hard to get.”
He chuckled nervously. “I’ve lost worse.”
My footsteps away from Daniel were the most painful steps I’d ever taken. The walls were whispering to me, mocking me with the debilitating truths of Daniel’s and my fate. There were so many times I wanted to turn back to him and take back my words. But I knew I’d made the right decision.
Because if it were the wrong decision, my heart wouldn’t hurt this much.
Chapter 40
Don’t say goodbye.
~ Romeo’s Quest
Walking back into the cafeteria, I gasped when I saw Hailey sitting with Jake at our table talking. I rushed over and hugged Hailey tightly. “I thought you weren’t coming back this week!”
She smiled. “Gotta start back sometime.”
Daniel returned to the cafeteria and walked over to our table. “Jake, can I talk to you for a minute in my classroom?”