Hot prickles of sheer horror explode over my face, my arms, my entire body. Bile surges up my throat as I stare at the picture—multiple images of the same picture—that’s been splashed all over social media.
It’s me, managing to grin as my tongue reaches out to flick a familiar, pierced nipple. Jesus. It’s the picture I took in bed with Dex, me in all my naked glory draped over his chest as I playfully lick his nipple. We’d been laughing as we took the selfie. Having fun.
“Here’s one for my wallet.”
“Shit,” I whisper now, though there’s no one here to hear it. “Shit.”
Because somehow that picture, complete with my bare tits pointing straight at the camera, is now out in the world.
I don’t want to exist anymore. Not die, just stop existing. Ugliness is a taint that seeps through my skin, as heavy and itchy as a hair blanket. It claws at my chest, digging deeper, tugging on the center of my sternum.
Curling in on myself doesn’t help. It doesn’t matter how tight a ball I squeeze my body into, it still feels violated, on display.
Another picture released: the one I sent to Ethan of me wearing nothing but a bra. I’d posed like a pinup girl, teased him about not giving me my undies back. I’d felt safe giving that pic to Ethan, felt sexy and wanted. Not so much now.
So much ugliness. Endless tweets, Facebook messages, Instagram messages— telling me I’m a whore, asking if I’d like to fuck, picking apart my body, leering at it. I tried not to look, but it was nearly impossible to hide from, not when a tidal wave of disgusting hate and judgment washed over me in one swoop.
I’ve turned off my phone and crawled into a corner in the bedroom. I know I should talk to Dex at least. But I can’t. I can’t move.
Vaguely, I hear the front door of open. Everything in me tenses.
Dex is in Arizona. Even if he managed to get the first plane out, I doubt he’d be here by now. Dex I can handle. I think. I don’t know for certain because the picture was definitely from his phone. How did it get out? I’m afraid if I ask him, I’ll rage. I know he didn’t do it. But still. How?
Swift footsteps give a dull echo as someone strides across the living room downstairs. Don’t let it be Dad. Not him. Just the thought of my parents seeing those pictures makes me want to throw up. And I know Dad will see. It’s as inevitable as the sun setting. Dad shouldn’t have the code to Dex’s house, but who knows with that man. For all I know, he might kick the door in.
“Fi? Fi, honey?” Ivy’s voice.
I turn away, facing the wall. Maybe she won’t notice me.
But then the bedroom door opens, and her tall, slim form is silhouetted in the ambient light. That’s all it takes for sobs to break free.
“Oh, Fi.” Ivy is instantly by my side.
Her strong arms pull me close as I cry, clinging to her like a raft.
“Honey.” She pets me, murmuring nonsense words the way our mom did when we were little.
I don’t know how long I cry. I’m sick with it, my stomach aching and writhing.
I feel someone else come into the room, and then a big hand strokes the back of my head. It’s Gray. “Fi-Fi, we’ll get you through this.”
He talks so low, it’s barely audible. But the anger under his words is fierce. I appreciate it, but he’s wrong. No one can help me through this. The world has labeled me a grasping whore who fucked Ethan Dexter for a prize and took pictures of it. God, they’ve made what we are so ugly and foul.
Ivy backs away, and Gray bends down to pick me up. For some reason, this makes me cry more. I love Gray for his care. But I want Ethan here to carry me.
Gray sets me down on my bed, and Ivy pulls the covers high before climbing in with me. Their soft murmurs go over my head as I burrow down, but Gray soon leaves the room.
“I’m so embarrassed,” I whisper.
“I know. We’ll find out what happened. Then I’m going to kick some serious ass.” There’s a hard note of accusation in her voice I don’t like.
“Ethan didn’t do this.”
Her body tenses. “I know. But it’s out there now, and we have to think of damage control.”
That squirming feeling goes through my insides again. “The damage is done, Ivy.”
She gives me a light kiss on my shoulder. “Get some sleep. We’re here for you.”
The idea gives me little comfort. For the first time in my life, I feel truly helpless.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Dex
Has a flight ever been so fucking slow? By the time I land, I’m nearly out of my mind. Usually I’m careful of my size, wary of accidentally bumping into someone and sending them flying. Today, I use it in my favor, shouldering my way past slow-moving people.
My insides are rolling so hard I have to swallow several times to avoid being sick. It didn’t matter that I contacted my phone provider and reported my phone stolen. The damage was already done. Because I’m the stupid, lazy ass who didn’t use password protection. I’m the one who let some spiteful, desperate girl slip out of my room with my phone, and she sold the pictures on there to the tabloids.
And it isn’t just pictures she sold, but text messages between Fi and me. Personal thoughts are now fodder for the world. But those pictures. Fi, my girl, the person I care about most, displayed as if she’s nothing more than a thing.
It makes me so insane I can’t see straight. It doesn’t matter that I have lawyers on my side, threatening to sue, ordering take downs. The pictures are out, and the Internet is forever.