I need more.
I reach around to her front and slide my hand down her stomach, and into her knickers. I use my other hand to hold her up, and it doesn’t take long until she’s squirming, moaning, out of breath, weak-kneed. I hold her up until she stills.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” she whispers between breaths.
The scent of her lust surrounds us, and the familiar sensation of emptiness begins spreading through me.
She turns to me and takes my face again. I close my eyes and let her kiss me slowly. Suddenly, moisture builds behind my lids, and I have the powerful urge to cry. I’ve had moments of emotion lately, but I haven’t truly had the urge to cry like this since I was a child. My throat is dangerously tight.
“Kai . . .” She whispers my name against my mouth, but I cannot open my eyes. Her hands move down my sides to the front of my jeans. She undoes them, and touches me with a gasp. My hands are on her waist and I tighten my grip.
“Anna . . .” When I say that name I’m far away, and the saddest, most heart-wrenching sense of wrongness invades me. This is not who I want touching me. I can’t do this.
I gently grab her wrist, and wrench the word from my throat. “Wait.”
I open my eyes and find her staring at me. I pull away, and with great effort manage to zip up my jeans. My abdomen clenches with a stab of pain.
“God,” she says. “I’m sorry, I . . . What’s wrong?” Her voice quivers. I lean my forehead against hers because she’s such a sweet girl and she doesn’t deserve to be dragged into my train wreck of a life.
In that horrible moment I know that no lie or feeble excuse will do. I clear my throat and stand straight to look at her.
“Last year, when I moved here.” I clear my throat again. “I . . . there was a girl. In Georgia. She’s sort of . . .” I am tongue-tied, having never spoken these feelings out loud.
“You love her?”
I search the wall over her head before I nod. “Yeah. And her name is also Anna.”
“Oh.” She snorts and crosses her arms, looking down. “No wonder.”
“I’m sorry. I had an awful day and I’m an absolute idiot to have put you in the middle of it.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s . . . whatever. No biggie.” But her aura says otherwise.
She reaches for her jeans and I hand her her shirt. I snatch up my own and pull it over my head. As she’s buttoning her bottoms with shaking hands I reach for the door.
“You’re an amazing girl, Anna Malone. I truly am sorry.”
Her eyes are watering when she looks up at me just before I leave her. I push my way through the crowded apartment. At the couch I ignore the jeers of my mates, and shake my head at Raj’s offer to do a line of coke. Instead, I lean down and swipe Bennett’s pack of cigarettes and leave the apartment. I walk all night and smoke the entire pack. I will spend the day tomorrow hacking up tar, but I don’t care.
I just don’t care anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Reunited
“She finds color in the darkest places,
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces.”
—“Walk Away” by The Script
I know she’s coming to California, the newly eighteen and graduated Anna. I’ve been warned by the twins, and I’ve prepared myself to be unmoved. She’s only coming to inform us what’s going on—the mystery we’ve been kept in the dark about for the good part of this year—and then she’ll leave again. I’m certain Belial won’t allow her to linger. The demons are having a summit in Vegas, so Anna has a short window of two or three days to travel unseen.
This is business, not personal, and I won’t allow any emotion to interfere. Marna says Anna’s traveling without Kope now, and I’m dying to know why, but I won’t ask. Cool, calm, and collected.
This is all very easy to say until I see her standing at the railing of Blake’s deck, overlooking the cliff side and beach where we’ve been surfing.
The moment I see her up there in pink and silver, blond hair blowing in the breeze like a siren . . . every feeling I’ve suppressed comes crashing over me, wave after wave. The emotion that trumps all others is anger. Seeing her makes me furious, and I know it’s irrational, but I’m seething about how she’s made me love her, how she’s gone and fallen for him. I don’t care what Marna says. I know Anna. She wouldn’t hook up with Kopano if it didn’t mean something to her. She’s not impulsive like most people.
I wonder if she’s truly happy with Kope or if she’s just settling. I wonder if she enjoys touching him as much as she enjoyed touching me. I wonder if Kope is able to control himself now that he’s finally being physical with someone. I wonder how it would feel to punch him in his perfect face.
We’re quick to climb the steps to Blake’s house. I want to tell all of Blake’s friends to get lost instead of ogling her like the fine piece of arse she is. I mean, bloody hell, the girl fills out that outfit perfectly. She looks strong and toned, and she’s as fresh-faced and shy as ever. I stand in the back while Blake tackle-hugs her and the other blokes try to flirt. I’m overflowing with loss in her presence. It hurts to look at her, so I grit my teeth hard and lean against the rail, staring out at the ocean instead.
Blake, smart lad that he is, sends the other blokes away, and it’s just the three of us. Anna takes on the same position as me, leaning against the railing, staring out in thought, looking gorgeous. It’s as if this is a holiday for her, while I’m over here in knots.