I washed the three dishes in my sink and then went to JayWok. After looking at the menu, I decided I wasn’t hungry and walked back, stomped up the stairs, and slammed my door behind me. I crossed my arms in a huff, wishing I didn’t have the day off.
The look in his eyes fractured my heart. Being alone in my apartment, looking at my former spare pillow that was supposed to belong to Josh, I was an emotional mess.
My phone rang, and I picked it up, unable to answer it fast enough.
“Deb?” I said, my eyes instantly filling with tears.
“The hell, Avery?”
I sighed. Josh must have already called Quinn.
“I could have handled the situation better,” I admitted. “I could have discussed it with him instead of acting like a spoiled soap opera wife. I mean … good God, handing back the necklace and stomping out? I am supposed to be the reasonable one, and he kept saying practical things like we love each other and I couldn’t just end things. He was right, but he was fucking wrong!”
“Yep.”
I paused, surprised. “Yep? That’s all you have to say?”
“Avery, keep venting. You’re not done.”
My bottom lip trembled. “I shouldn’t have handed him back the necklace. That was overdramatic. That was cruel.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Uh-huh I’m cruel, or uh-huh you’re acknowledging that you’re listening?”
“The latter.”
“So, I screwed up. But a jealous toddler tantrum?” I said, pacing. “We are too old for that. He confronted Dr. Rosenberg! That was fucking insane!” I tripped over the edge of the rug and then kicked at the rolled up corner. “I went there thinking we were going to make a mutual decision to take a step back and slow things down, but the next thing I know, I’m breaking up with him! I broke up with him, but I still love him. What do I do?”
“Um … get back with him? He still loves you,” she said, sounding bored. “He sounded like he was a fucking mess when he called Quinn. All you have to do is forgive him and he’ll learn his lesson and you can keep being gloriously happy.”
I stuttered. “Is it that easy? I mean … people just do that?”
“Yep.”
I thought for a moment, looking around the room at my empty walls and pillow-less couch and curtain-less windows. Josh’s pillow was my favorite thing in the apartment. There was a reason for it. I’d made my point—albeit rather dramatically. Couples fought and made up all the time. We could, too. Maybe.
“He made his bed,” Deb said. “You should lay in it.”
I raked my hair back, flustered. “Would you date a guy like Josh? Who did what he did?”
“Fell in love with a girl and freaked the first time someone threatened to steal her? Oh yeah.”
“Deb,” Quinn said, sounding sleepy in the background.
“You okay?” Deb asked. “Say the word, and I’ll be over. Quinn snores, anyway.”
“No,” I said, sniffing. I looked out the window at the green beast parallel parked in the street in front of my building. “I’m going to find him.”
We hung up, and I put on my navy-blue puffy coat and boots. I grabbed the keys with the heart key ring Josh had bought for me and a scarf, wrapping it around my neck while I jogged down the stairs.
I passed my car and shoved my hands in my pockets, watching my breath puff out in front of me while I walked the three blocks to Josh’s building. His car wasn’t there, but I buzzed him anyway and waited. He didn’t answer.
I waited on the porch until my teeth began to chatter, and then started down the steps.
“Hey, Avery,” Cinda said, passing by. “Did you lose your key?”
I cringed. “Gave it back.”
“Oh,” she said, glancing back to his empty parking space. “I don’t think he’s home.”
“Do you know where he went? You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know Josh, and if you gave back your key, I’m sure he’s not happy about it. He probably said something stupid, am I right?”
I shrugged. “We both said something stupid.”
She smiled. “I bet he’d want me to tell you where he is.” She pulled her mouth to the side. “But I don’t know. I’m sorry. You can come in and wait at my place until he gets home.”
“That’s okay. Thanks, Cinda.”
I trotted down the stairs, running all the way to my parking spot.
The Dodge growled to life when I twisted the ignition, and I pulled away from the curb, turning toward St. Ann’s. Corner Hole was just a half-mile from the hospital, and that was the only place I could think Josh would be if he wasn’t home or at Quinn’s.
The Dodge grumbled before I killed the ignition and lights. There were only a few cars left in parking lot, including Josh’s. I was suddenly nervous.
What are you doing, Avery?
I looked forward and pulled on the lever. I loved him, and we were going to have to weather some bullshit. We all had garbage to pack away. I couldn’t expect Josh to do a one-eighty and maintain perfection at all times to boot. That wasn’t fair.
Gravel crunched under my boots as I walked toward the brick veneer of Corner Hole. A fluffy white flake fell on my nose, and I looked up, seeing a million matching pieces of frozen sky pouring from the black above. I closed my eyes and smiled, hoping Josh would come outside with me so we could share our first real snowfall together.
I pulled open the door and walked in, smelling stale beer and cigarette smoke. The golden glow of the jukebox in the corner was the main source of light besides the lights strung above the bar. I smiled, thinking of the night Josh had made me stop hating Christmas.