My eyebrows pulled in. “Your parents died, Avery. How could I judge you for that?”
“Because I lived, and they didn’t.”
I blinked then shook my head. “Don’t say that. It was an accident.”
“So was ours, but it’s still my fault. Don’t think I don’t remember pulling out on a red light.”
“Stop,” I said, watching her eyes gloss over. “I don’t want you to blame yourself for either. What good would it have done if you’d died with your parents? They wouldn’t have wanted that, Avery.”
“I know,” she said, picking at her nails. “But I thought you’d understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Feeling guilty. We were both kids.”
I stood. “Oh, no. You can’t compare the two. And this isn’t about me.”
She reached for me, but missed.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Bring up my sister to avoid talking about your parents.” I felt my cheeks warm, and I began to pace. It was a strange feeling, wanting to hold her and walk out at the same time.
She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“You sure?”
She blinked, looking around the room, as if the answer were in the corners. “I would be a horrible person if I were.”
“You’ve been doing it your whole life, Avery. I know exactly how it is. I don’t blame you, but you have to stop.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking.
“You don’t like talking about them. You’ve barely said a word about them, but you can talk to me.”
“What else should I say?”
“That you miss them. How it affects your life now. How it affects us.”
She lifted her hands and let them slap against her thighs. “I miss them. Being forced to let them go made it impossible to hold on to anything. I could let go of Deb, my job. I could let go of you—right now, if I wanted—and not bat an eye.” She covered her mouth, shocked at her own admission.
A shot of adrenaline rushed through me. “Avery …” My teeth clenched. “Do you love me?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation.
Every one of my muscles relaxed, and then I pointed at her phone. “Call work. You’ll need a four-day weekend.”
Her hands slowly lowered from her face. “Why?”
“I’m taking you to Savannah to meet my parents.”
Avery was fidgeting with her yellow skirt that hung just below her knees. She was nervous about meeting my mother, and the icy road conditions did little to calm her fears.
Thankfully, we were heading south, where ice and snow wouldn’t be an issue.
“Are you sure this is okay?” she asked for the tenth time as I pulled off the highway, into a gas station.
“Yes.”
I could feel her watching me as I put the car into park next to a pump.
“You’ve barely said anything in the last hour,” she said.
“Sorry. I’ve been thinking.”
“About what?”
I sighed loudly, rolling my neck from side to side, needing to stretch my stiff muscles. “A lot of stuff, baby. Do you mind getting us snacks?”
She thought for a moment before she smiled and shook her head, causing her messy bun to bob back and forth.
I handed her a twenty from my wallet. “Could you grab me a vanilla Frappuccino while you’re at it?”
Avery took the bill from my fingers and pushed open her door. She walked across the lot, giving me a reprieve from her line of questioning. A couple of guys noticed her tiny skirt that was barely visible beneath my Adidas hoodie, and I bristled.
I got out of the car and began pumping gas while watching Avery through the large glass window of the gas station. She hated road trips, but she was excited to drive down with me to meet my family. I struggled to create a better memory for her, knowing what waited for us in Richmond Hill. I was dreading having to see my mother again. Last time I had been home, she was falling down and incoherent for the majority of my visit. But, if enduring her for a few days would make Avery happy, then I would gladly suffer through her presence.
While I waited for my tank to fill, I pulled out my cell phone and called my mom. After several rings, she answered, uncertainty in her tone.
“Hello?”
I squinted one eye, already regretting the call.
“Hello?” she said again.
“I’m coming home for the weekend,” I blurted out.
“Josh? This weekend? You could have let me know a few days ago. The house is a mess.” I rolled my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. My mother hadn’t cleaned her own home in years. She paid someone to come do it every few weeks.
“I’m not worried about the house. I’m bringing a friend.” I glanced up at the window to see Avery standing at the cash register, waiting to pay. “Is that going to be a problem?”
She was silent for a moment before responding.
“Of course not. Your friends are always welcome here.”
I mumbled a good-bye before disconnecting the call.
Avery returned, smiling brightly with her hands loaded with candy. “I thought you said it would be warm when we hit South Carolina?”
“I said it would be warmer. I told you not to wear a dress.”
She narrowed her eyes as she handed me my drink and made her way to her side of the car, slipping inside.
I hung the gas nozzle back on the pump and pressed the heels of my hands against the top of the car. I needed a second to get my head right before climbing into the car next to the girl I was trying to marry.