I sighed, looking down at my baby bump since I couldn’t see the floor anymore. “Please, don’t. You’re making it harder on me. This was your choice, not mine.”
“You trying so hard not to cry is making me want to hold you even more.”
“I have to be to work in an hour. I can’t do this right now.” I hesitated, knowing I was about to say words that, if Josh obliged, would be the beginning of the end. “I need you to … Penny and I can’t live with Deb. I need you to have your things out by the time I get home.”
He bristled. “What? No, Avery. You’re not even giving this a chance.”
“I gave this a lot of chances.”
“I’m not leaving. You’re not leaving,” Josh said, pacing. “If you’d just let me explain …”
Tears finally spilled over my cheeks. “You can’t. And honestly, I don’t want to listen to you try.” I stood, grabbing my purse off the bed and holding it to my chest. Receipts and my wallet tried to climb out through the zipper, and with trembling fingers, I stuffed them back down.
My eyes felt raw and swollen, and when I stood, cool air kissed the bottom of my burgeoning belly. I yanked down my too-small scrub top.
Josh reached for me, his eyes desperate. “I’ll leave. I go over to Quinn’s, and you can stay here and think. You can’t drive like this, baby, it’s not safe.”
My patience fizzled, and my temper flared. “Oh, now you care about Penny and me?” My face crumbled. “You ruined everything, Josh. I loved you!”
“I don’t know how to make you believe me. I know it looks bad. She came over because her dryer was on the fritz. I mean … she said it was. I don’t know if even that’s true.”
Pressure began to build in my head, and I closed my eyes. “Stop. I can’t hear this. I don’t want to know.”
“You’ll accept the lies you see, but you won’t you accept the truth you hear? Fine, Avery. Look at me. Look at me, and tell me you believe I could ever cheat on you. You don’t believe that. I’ve never touched another woman since I fell in love with you, and I’ve loved you since the beginning. You’ve known all along what Hope’s been up to. If you’re going to leave me, at least do it for something I did. Not over a fucking misunderstanding. I just need five minutes. Just give me five minutes to explain.”
Everything in me wanted to believe him, but I had to trust what I knew, which was the evidence of his past and the lace panties next to our bed. My lips trembled as I spoke, “There comes a point, Josh, where I have to start listening to myself. I can’t stay with you just because I’m in love with you. I have Penny to think about now.”
“Okay,” he said, fidgeting. “I don’t want you to drive upset. We can talk later. I’ll go.”
“You would just love that, wouldn’t you?” I sneered. “To run to her while I’m sitting at home, growing our baby, and she’s feeling so sorry for you for having a crazy wife.” I felt my strength and anger falling away. My chest caved as I sobbed.
“You’re not crazy, Avery. As far as you know, you have a smoking gun. I can see why you’re upset, but Hope left the panties here on purpose. When she came over after you left—”
I sniffed, anger consuming me. “She’s been here since I left?”
“Yes, but—”
“Oh, fuck you and your explanations.” I snatched the keys off the counter and waddled toward the door.
Josh stepped in my way. “I can’t let you leave like this.” He tried to cup my shoulders, but I slapped his hands away. “Okay. Okay, I won’t touch you. Give me your car keys, and I’ll leave.”
“You don’t let me do anything,” I said through my teeth. “And you definitely don’t pretend to give a shit about us when you’ve been fucking the neighbor! Everyone warned me to stay away from you, but I ignored them.” Twin rivers streamed down my cheeks. “Now I’m pregnant, weeks away from having your baby. You had everything you said you’ve ever wanted, Josh! You can’t take this back!”
“You know it’s dangerous for you to drive,” he said, trying to stay calm. He shifted his weight, squaring himself in front of me. “Think about this for a second, Avery. Something’s off. This isn’t right. Reach down deep in your heart and tell me you truly believe I am even capable of fucking everything up that bad.” He watched me, hoping I’d change my mind.
I shook my head, emotionally exhausted. I rubbed my temples.
“Headache?” he asked, sweeping my hair away from my face. Once he realized I wouldn’t fight him, he slowly brought me into his chest. “Let me get you something.”
I shook my head. “No. We’ve talked about this. It’s not good for the baby.”
“Avery. The OBGYN said acetaminophen is fine.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“I’ll get you some water.” He left me for the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a clear bottle. He returned and held it out to me.
I looked down at the water, and then back up at him. “I have to take care of myself now.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Avery. You can’t go to work like this.”
I nodded. “You’re right.” I picked up my phone and called Michaels. She was always willing to take shifts.
“Thank you,” Josh said when I got off the phone.
“I didn’t do it for you. I’m going to Deb’s. I want you gone by the time I get back.”