I waver, because I really don’t remember what she’s talking about, but it seems like maybe I should. ‘I vaguely remember you saying something about you wanting to move out of the dorm and get your own apartment.’
A loud exhale puffs from her lips. ‘Well, what I meant to say when I said it … or what I should have just flat out said is that maybe we should just … you and I,’ she gestures between the two of us, ‘live … together …’ she trails off, biting her lip, which has turned a bit blue from the cold.
I swallow hard, unsure how to answer. I have no idea how I feel about the idea. Excitement. Want. God, the want. But I’m fucking conflicted because within the want there’s a fear. Am I ready for that?
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Shit.
Why can’t I just give her what she wants?
She deserves that.
Deserves more.
I’m feeling way too much at the moment. The old Kayden would be bailing out by now and running back to his room to find a razor because it’d be the easiest way to deal with this – or not deal with it anyway. But I don’t want to be that guy – become that guy again.
Callie watches me with hope in her eyes while I struggle to sort through all the confusion flowing through my mind. My lips part to try to explain to her what’s going on, even though I’m guessing it’s going to be a jumble of nonsense, but she quickly covers my mouth with her hand.
‘Don’t answer me right now.’ She slowly lowers her hand from my lips. ‘Just think about it. Talk to your therapist and figure out if you really want to do it or not,’ she says with a shrug. ‘I was just letting you know that I want to.’
I nod, letting out a breath trapped inside my chest. ‘Okay, I’ll think about it.’
Her lips curve into a smile then she stands on her tiptoes to place a kiss on my mouth. Her taste drowns me, and for the slightest, liberating moment, I forget about everything. The kiss is too quick, though, and when she starts to pull away, I cup the back of her neck and pull her right back to me, refusing to let her go, wanting to feel the calmness inside me just a little bit longer.
She doesn’t protest as I slide my tongue deep inside her mouth, exploring every inch of it as I grasp onto her hips, gripping her sides. She clutches onto me tightly too, our bodies aligning as snow falls around us, soaks through our clothes to our skin while soft music continues to play in the background.
It’s one of those easy moments with her that I look forward to and I wish I could stay in forever. But for some reason I have a feeling the snow is going to stop falling and life will move on.
Moving forward.
To a future.
I just wish I knew what the hell I was supposed to do.
Chapter 3
#117 Don’t Let the Cursor Torture You.
Callie
It’s getting close to Halloween and I want to dress up for it. I haven’t actually dressed up since I was eleven, the last time I felt like a child. I know I’m not a child now, but having my childhood stolen so early from me, I want to have some fun. And Seth wants me to go to a Halloween concert thingy with Greyson, him, Luke, and Violet. A couple’s Halloween/dance/costume concert. I agree, but tell him I’ll have to talk to Kayden, unsure if it’s his kind of thing.
I like the idea too much probably and shouldn’t get my hopes up until I know for sure if he’ll go, but I never got to do the whole prom thing, never got to wear something that made me look pretty, didn’t really believe I was pretty, nor did I want to be at the time or want to draw that kind of attention. I never got to dance with a guy who I loved and who looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. And I want it for just one night.
Seth coaxes me into going shopping for a costume before I get the chance to ask Kayden, but I don’t mind. In fact, I’m having fun looking for something to wear. Although, Seth seems to think he needs to put in his two cents, and let’s just say that his costume ideas are … well, a little bit too daring and bold for my taste.
‘Yeah, I’m not sure Kayden would go for the whole Peter Pan/Tinkerbell thing,’ I tell Seth when he holds up a costume that includes green tights and curly toed shoes.
He gives me an innocent smile, shoving the costume at me. ‘Why ever not?’
I roll my eyes as I continue to search the rack in front of me. ‘Um, because it includes tights. That’s why.’ I move hangers to the side as I look through the choices. ‘Besides, I don’t want to be Tinkerbell.’
Seth frowns disappointedly. ‘Yeah, but Kayden wears those super tight pants when he’s playing football, which is pretty much the same as tights.’
I laugh as I sift through the very slutty looking options of costumes, something I’m not ready for, nor do I ever think I’ll be ready for. Again, I just don’t think it’s in my personality. ‘Yeah, and I’ve caught you checking him out before in those super tights pants, buddy. You are so not as discreet as you think.’
‘Who says I was trying to be discreet?’ he says, putting his hand on his hip. ‘I was just admiring the view. And don’t pretend like you don’t do it, too – admire a nice ass when you see one.’
My cheeks warm and he laughs at me, amused by my embarrassment. Still chuckling, he wanders around the racks filling the small store, searching for a costume. The selection is pretty picked over and there are a lot of people here skimming through the already-limited supply. There’s some Halloween-type music playing through the speakers to add to the scary decorations of bats, witches, and ghosts.
‘So have you decided on one yet?’ Seth asks, backing away from the rack and rubbing his stomach. ‘Because I’m getting super hungry.’
I shake my head as I pull a face at a thin piece of leather that’s supposed to be some sort of dress, yet looks more like a really short shirt. ‘The problem is I don’t want to be something scary or slutty and that’s all they really have here.’
He glances over at the wall of masks then the rack I was just looking through. ‘That sort of eliminates a lot of options, if not all of them.’
‘I know,’ I sigh, glancing around the store. ‘I just want to be something pretty. Something that’s not slutty, but is sort of sexy in a way where I don’t have to show a lot of skin, if that makes any sense. Something that will … dazzle Kayden.’ I grin at my word usage because dazzle is one of Seth’s favorite words.