Whatever.
“We need to talk,” I said.
He froze, and fair enough. Honestly, those four words had to be the most loathed between two people, ever. They were basically a death knell, right up there with we can still be friends. Except he and I had never gotten that far.
“Yeah, we do.” He took a gulp of hot coffee, watching me over the rim of his cup the entire time. “Why you hiding over there? Scared I’m going to get physical or something?”
“No.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “Just wanted to keep out of your way in case you felt the need to bolt again.”
He coughed out a laugh. “Ouch.”
I shrugged. Then I felt guilty. Then I remembered the snoring and stood tall once more.
“Look,” he said, turning his head my way. “Whatever you need from me, okay?”
My mouth opened, shut. “Thank you.”
His fingers flexed around the cup of coffee. “You want to keep it, right?”
“Yes.”
A nod.
I took a deep breath, reaching deep inside for some strength. Time to get on with the business of letting him off the hook and out of my life. No tears or tantrums. We were beyond that now. “I know you didn’t want to have children, Ben. That you like your life as it is. So if you—”
“I never said that,” he bit out.
“Yes, you did. Last night.”
“Lizzy.” Dark eyes pinned me in place. “Hold up. What I say when I’m drunk off my ass doesn’t mean a damn thing, all right?”
Given how many interesting things he’d said, I wasn’t so sure about that. “All right.”
“Do not use that against me.” His nostrils flared as he took a big breath. “Last night … you kind of caught me off guard with this.”
“It kind of caught me off guard too,” I said, struggling to keep my voice from going all fishwife on his ass. “I didn’t want to tell you under those conditions, Ben. It just happened. You can thank your new girlfriend for being so discreet.”
He flinched. Direct hit, ten points.
“Look, what I’m trying to say here is that it’s my decision to have this baby. And if you decide that you don’t want us impacting on your life, then I understand.” I curled an arm around my middle, hunching in on myself. “That’s all.”
Slowly, Ben rose to his feet, setting the coffee cup aside. “You think I would do that to you?”
“In this situation, I honestly have no idea how you’re going to react.”
“You’re just expecting the worst.”
“Last night—”
His hand cut through the air. “Do not repeat what I said last night.”
I said nothing.
Then he must have realized how bad it all looked and sounded. The anger in his eyes calmed, his stance relaxing. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
“What do you want me to do here, Ben?” I threw my hands in the air. “Give me a clue. I’m pregnant. Neither of us planned it. We’ve barely even talked since that night in Vegas, and now you’re seeing someone new. What do I do?”
“Give me a chance to catch up.”
I just stared at him, trying to keep my cool. Took two to tango, yada yada.
“I’m serious.” His shoulders heaved up and down. “Just give me a chance to catch up and I promise, Lizzy, I will have your back.”
It sounded so promising. Honest to god, it really did. “What about your girlfriend?”
“She’s got nothing to do with this.” He didn’t even hesitate. “This is just between you and me.”
“Right.” Any issues I had with the woman and her place in his life were mine. Sucked to be me. “Okay.”
He picked up his coffee, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he drank deep. “I’ll, ah, get the lawyers to start drawing up some papers.”
“Lawyers?”
A sharp nod.
“You’re going to need money—living expenses, whatever. They’ll get that all sorted out. Make sure you’re looked after.”
“Oh.” I stared at the rumpled bed, my mind in a whirl.
“That okay?”
“I guess I was hoping we could keep this just between you and me. But you’re right. You need to protect yourself.”
“Lizzy, I don’t mean I think you’re going to try and rip me off or something.”
“I’d hope not, considering I haven’t asked you for a single thing.”
Wow. Talk about looking uncomfortable. His tongue worked behind his cheek as he glared at the view out my bedroom window. Guess the tree out there really had done him wrong.
“The rent on this place is paid and I have a job, so I’m fine for now. But you get your lawyers to do whatever.” I rubbed at the sudden pain between my eyes. This conversation was enough to give anyone a headache. “Guess I better get one too.”
He pushed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. Then he changed his mind, sat, and started putting on his shoes. “It’s best if we get all that official stuff sorted up front, you know?”
No, in all honesty, I really didn’t know. He’d just clearly demonstrated as much. My stomach performed a particularly nauseating somersault maneuver and I swallowed hard, fighting back the urge to puke. Gah. What I needed was a cracker. A cracker would solve everything. With all due haste, I hustled ass into the tiny kitchen and got busy feeding my face. This at least I had under control. Nothing I could do about Ben and his lawyers and whatever. But fetching a cracker? Now that was within my command.
Bean and I would be fine.
Fuck the world and all the rest.
“I gotta go,” he said, now avoiding my eyes from the all-new position of the living room. Awesome. Once he left, he’d have to get a new hobby. Maybe he could work at forgetting my name or something. “There’s a practice session I need to get to. Tour kicks off soon, so things are really busy right now. Thanks for being cool about me crashing here. It won’t happen again.”
“Sure,” I said.
“And don’t worry about money or working extra hours. I’ll get that all sorted out.”
“Great.” And it was great, but it was also cold and businesslike. “Thanks.”
He mumbled some other stuff, but I just kind of tuned out. It was nothing I wanted to hear. How depressing this day had turned. I hated everything and everyone and anything else I could possibly think of. Apart from Bean. She was the innocent one in all of this mess.