Regin glanced away and softly said, "I was kind of thinking that if he didn't find me this time, he might live past thirty-five."
Kaderin didn't know what to do with this sudden seriousness from Regin, so she said, "What am I supposed to do with this, Regin?"
"You're whack, d'you know that?"
"What if Ivan the Russian was your berserker, and you just didn't know it?"
Regin studied the ceiling. "I always know him."
"Why don't you just accept him? Run into his arms?" Freya had taught the older Valkyrie that they would know their true love when he opened his arms and they realized they'd always run to get within them.
"I have my reasons." Regin put her chin up, though she was lying on the floor. "They are myriad and complex."
"Give me one."
Regin faced her. "Okay, I'll give you one, a Regin Reason Lite. With a situation like this, you have to ask yourself, is the grope worth the slap?" When Kaderin frowned, she added, "You know, is the cake worth the bake?"
"Oh. So it's not?"
"Among other things, I'm not keen on falling for a mortal and cursing every day that passes because he'll die within a blink of my life. Then to pine for him to return?" She shook her head firmly. "Not worth the bake."
"I understand. It's best to forgo a small amount of pleasure to spare yourself a lot of pain." Kaderin did understand - so why had she taken pleasure from Sebastian, knowing it would wreck her afterward?
"Exactly! It's just self-preservation. No one in the coven gets it. They only want me to live in the moment. Nïx advised me to 'find and bang my berserker.' " She exhaled wearily. "But that brings a question to mind. Are you going to get a male now that the curse is lifting? Word around the coven is that you haven't had a little some-some in a thousand years."
Kaderin saw no reason to deny it. Even before her blessing, she'd been so cautious about trusting that she'd had few lovers. "I'm not so selfless that I would give 'a little some-some' when I get nothing out of it. I don't feel desire like that." Liar, liar, liar.
"Maybe not in the past," Regin said with an exaggerated wink-wink. "So, what's your type? Or was? Do you even remember?"
What was her type? Kaderin flushed, denying her first thought. "I was always defenseless in the face of swineherds."
Regin laughed, and when Kaderin chuckled slightly, she exclaimed, "This is so weird! You were all freakishly unemotional before I was even born. I've never known you any other way." Regin gave her an appraising glance and declared, "You're kinda cool when you're not mystically lobotomized."
16
Sebastian's coins, his gold, all the wealth he had in the world, had disappeared.
His head shot up, fangs sharpening. Nikolai. It had to be. What was left of the shovel handle dropped to the ground. Clenching his bleeding fists, he traced inside Blachmount, stalking from room to room, scarcely noticing the changes throughout. Sebastian found him striding through the main hall - where Sebastian and the rest of his family had died.
Nikolai appeared stunned to see him - even before receiving the first crushing blow to his face.
"Where's my goddamned gold?" Sebastian bellowed, with another punishing hit.
"I retrieved it." Nikolai dodged - or took - the blows without striking back. "I was keeping it safe."
"You had no right! You did it so I'd be forced to confront you."
"Yes," Nikolai said simply.
Sebastian struck out again, then lunged forward to shove Nikolai into the wall, pinning him there with a forearm under his chin. All of this reminded him too much of the night he'd risen, bringing back the pain with it. "You want a confrontation? Just like before?" Nikolai had refused to fight him, just as he was doing now. That night, if Murdoch hadn't forced his hands away from Nikolai's throat, Sebastian might have killed him.
He remembered that time through a haze, remembered being alive but dead, with no heartbeat or breath, trapped in twilight. He'd been so weak, waking with a frantic thirst - one that could be quenched only by blood.
He'd been cursed, because his brother had ignored his desperate wish to die with his family. He punched the wall beside Nikolai's face. "You made me an abomination."
"I saved your life," Nikolai bit out.
"And then immediately wanted me to pledge it to your army. A mortal life of battle after battle wasn't enough - you wanted me and Conrad to fight in a never-ending war."
"It's worth fighting."
"It's not my war."
"Do you still hate me so violently for my deeds?" Nikolai demanded. "Is that why you've never returned here?"
Sebastian released him. "I don't hate you," he finally said, surprised to find this true. "I don't care enough about anything to hate. No longer. Three hundred years took care of that." He backed away. "I just want you to stay out of my life."
"Do you want my apology? I give it."
"I don't want your apology - because I know in the same situation, you'd do it again... " Sebastian's attention was distracted when a female entered the room.
"Nikolai?" Her gaze took in Nikolai's face, then she turned to Sebastian. "Apparently, he won't hit you back, but I will."
Recognizing her features, Sebastian asked, "Valkyrie?"
"How do you know what I am?" She faced Nikolai. "His heart beats. He's blooded."
Nikolai had always been aloof and possessed of a rigid self-control. So it was even more unexpected when he glanced from the Valkyrie back to Sebastian, and his eyes went wild. Nikolai's first hit connected before Sebastian had time to tense.
Nikolai bellowed, "Is it her? Did she make your heart beat?"
Sebastian struck back, connecting squarely with Nikolai's jaw. "No," he bit out.
Nikolai lowered his fists and backed away, inhaling deeply. "You found your Bride before you came here?"
Sebastian glowered, running his sleeve over his bleeding lip.
"I am... sorry... I thought... "
"Just tell me where my gold is."
Nikolai ran his fingers through his hair. "This isn't how I've imagined this meeting would be, Sebastian. I regret hitting you. I lose my head with her. But you understand now that you've been blooded."
You don't know the half of it.
"Sebastian, this is Myst."
"We've been searching for you," she said, with the same accent as Kaderin's. Though their coloring was completely different - Myst had red hair and green eyes - their features were similar. "I've heard a lot about you."