We walked side by side in silence after that, a little awkward, a little hesitant. Kyle broke the silence, finally.
“You know, I’ve been trying not to look at you like that for-fricking-ever. Every time we ran together, I had to run in front of you, so I didn’t stare at your ass. Or watch your boobs bounce. Even when you wear that bra, your boobs bounce a lot, and it’s really fricking distracting.”
“Kyle!” I nearly fainted, I blushed so hard, and I couldn’t stop giggling, suddenly.
“What? I’m just telling you the truth. You’re my best friend, and it felt wrong to be looking at you like any other girl. I mean, I try not to ogle girls anyway ‘cause that’s rude or whatever, but you’re different. But…goddamn, Nell. It’s so hard to not look at you. You’re hot.”
I stopped walking and turned to face him, abruptly. “You think I’m hot?”
He threw my words from earlier back at him. “You know you’re hot, Nell Hawthorne, so quit fishing for compliments.” His grin faded into an intense gaze, serious and rife with emotion. “But…hot isn’t the right word. I mean, every guy in school thinks you’re hot—except Thomas Avery ‘cause he’s g*y. But I think you’re beautiful. You’re lovely.”
I shifted uncomfortably under the intense scrutiny and prickling heat in his eyes. “Thanks?”
He thinks I’m…lovely? The idea that Kyle thought I was not just hot, but lovely, sent pangs of something like fear through me, an intense pressure in my heart.
We walked home, and at some point his hand ended up tangled in mine, fingers threaded as if they’d always been there. We arrived at his driveway first, and his mom was at the end of the driveway flipping through the mail, her cell phone stuck between her ear and shoulder, probably talking to my mom.
She saw us stroll through the motorized, wrought iron gate, hand in hand. Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she trailed off mid-sentence, mouth open in a shocked ‘O’. I knew my hair was a ragged, sweaty mess, my shirt was off and so was Kyle’s…and suddenly my lips tingled with the memory of his kiss, and I wondered if she could tell we’d been kissing, if she thought we had been—
“Rachel? I’ll have to call you back. Our children just walked in…holding hands. Yes. I know. Already.” Olivia Calloway hung up and turned to us. “So. You two were gone awhile.”
She glanced down at our joined hands. We looked at each other, exchanged a long, meaningful glance. I squeezed his hand, indicating I wasn’t going to let go. I wasn’t ashamed of this, or trying to hide anything.
Kyle nodded at me subtly, then turned to his mom. “Well, we went for a run, then stopped up by Keller’s Ridge to talk.”
Mrs. Calloway narrowed her eyes at us, taking in our state of undress and the tangled mess of my hair. “To talk, hmmm? And this?” She gestured at our hands.
Kyle lifted his chin. “We’re together now.”
We hadn’t exactly decided that, per se, since we’d started kissing without actually agreeing to anything official. But I wasn’t about to say any of that, not here, not now. And we were together, even if we hadn’t made it “official.”
“I see,” Mrs. Calloway said. “You’re together, now. Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’re both so young.”
Kyle frowned at his mom. “Seriously? Colt had a girlfriend at sixteen and I don’t remember you guys saying shit to him about it.”
“Watch your language, young man,” she said, her voice hard. “And for the record, we did say something to him. The same thing I’m saying to you now. Just because you didn’t hear the conversation doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You were, what, eleven? Your father and I would not have had that conversation with your brother in front of you, Kyle.”
Kyle sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But—”
“Just be careful, okay?” Mrs. Calloway cut in over her son.
“Mom, no, we weren’t—I mean we haven’t—”
“I’m not having that talk with you, Kyle. Especially not in front of Nell. All I’m going to say is, now and going forward, whatever you do or don’t do…be careful.” She turned away, tucking the mail under her arm, then stopped and glanced back at us. “And I mean that in an emotional sense, not just physical. You two have been best friends your whole life. Crossing the line into more…that’s a line you can’t uncross.” Something in her tone of voice and the way she stared into middle distance had me wondering if she knew what she was saying from personal experience.
“We know that, Mom. That’s what we were talking about, actually.”
“Well…good.” She vanished into the house, nose already buried in her phone.
I stood with Kyle in his driveway. “That wasn’t so bad.”
“No, but that was Mom. She’ll call Dad, and he’ll call me, and we’ll have ‘the talk.’”
I contorted my face into an expression of commiseration. “Yeah, I’ve probably got that talk waiting for me at home right now.”
He laughed. “Didn’t we already have this talk with them when we were kids?”
“No, that was different, I’m pretty sure. Then, they were explaining what’s what and what goes where and why. This is…” I trailed off, unsure how to finish the statement.
“Why we should wait? And how to be responsible if we don’t?”
“Exactly.” I was almost absurdly relieved that we’d gotten through that discussion without having to say anything overtly embarrassing.
Again, not ready. So not ready.
But then I felt his hands sliding onto my back to pull me into an embrace, and suddenly the idea of more with him didn’t seem so absurd.
More…eventually.
Chapter 2: Lucky I’m In Love
January
Kyle and I had settled into a comfortable but exciting relationship. In a very significant way, not much had changed between us. We were the same as we’d always been, we just held hands at school and kissed in the hallways, in his car, on the couch in front of movies. Our parents did indeed have “the talk” with both of us about being safe, which was beyond mortifying. They didn’t even give me a chance to tell them we hadn’t even gone past kissing, or that sex wasn’t on our horizon, as yet.
At least, it wasn’t on mine. Kyle seemed to be taking his cues from me, and I was content to let things stay where they were. I liked kissing Kyle. I liked making out with him on the couch. It was maybe a little like how I hadn’t wanted to push our relationship from friendship into dating, simply because I hadn’t wanted to change something I enjoyed.