Whatever. Details didn’t matter. He couldn’t have her, and that was that. Because what if sleeping with Noelle brought about Dallas’s ruin? Hector would hate himself. But then again, what if sleeping with Noelle saved Dallas?
Shit. No wonder Dallas was such a mess. A man could drive himself crazy trying to figure this kind of thing out, second-guessing himself, all while craving the woman in question.
Yeah, Hector wanted to have her so damn badly he ached. She was too damn gorgeous for her own good. Those leather pants hugged her ballerina legs. Legs he’d had wrapped around his shoulders. And the necklace hanging between her cle**age kept jiggling, drawing his gaze.
Sitting in Dallas’s living room, as casually as if they were picking their fantasy football team, while Noelle was within striking distance of Devyn, kissing distance of Dallas, and caressing distance of Hector, had been tough. Now as they meandered down a crowded roadway, her sweet, sexy perfume enveloping him, his mouth watered. His hands itched, burned.
No, even without Dallas’s thing, Hector couldn’t have her. He just couldn’t.
“Do you want to talk about last night?” he asked her, just to break the silence. “Ignoring her” wasn’t working for him.
“No.” She peered out the passenger-side window, at building after building built to look as if they were composed of chrome and glass. Some were towering, some wide, but all were lit up like Christmas trees in the gloomy haze of the day.
“What about this morning,” he persisted, “and why I didn’t include you in the investigation?”
“I’m a smart girl. I’ve already figured it out. You’re too dangerous, blah blah blah even though you didn’t hurt me.”
So dismissive of something that tormented him daily. “I could have.”
“But you didn’t.”
“One wrong move, that’s all it takes. I won’t risk you,” he gritted.
“So you’ve said, over and over. But let me tell you something.” Swinging around, she glared at him. Those eyes were stormy, liquid silver with flashes of lightning. “I’ve been a nuisance to my family my entire life. The next time you want to do something for my own good, grow a pair and tell me. They at least have never left me in the dark.”
He deserved that. And he hated, utterly hated, that he’d treated her the same way he’d seen Jaxon treat her—or worse. As if she were a pest, to be easily swatted away. And suddenly her comment about her dad loving the “idea of” her made sense.
Jaxon wished she were different. Her dad had probably wished she were different, too.
Shame on them, because she was perfect just the way she was. “You have my word.”
“Good.” She relaxed, but only slightly. “Then what’s Plan B?”
“Not my tale to tell.”
“Argh! Well, then, tell me more about your arms. Have you seen a doctor, been examined?” She threw the words at him, each one a weapon.
He replied anyway, happy to assuage her curiosity in some way. “No. Who could I trust? I’d be put down, and you know it.” How weird was this? He’d gone from never talking about what he could do, to telling a vengeful woman whatever she wanted to know.
“Have you tried—”
“Everything. Yes. And even if I were normal, you wouldn’t want to date a guy like me, I promise you.”
“Thank you so much for making my decision for me. Appreciate it. Really.”
He cleared his throat, disregarded her sarcasm. “I’m going to tell you stuff about me, okay, and I want you to listen. Don’t ask questions and don’t look at me.” He didn’t wait for a response. Didn’t wait for her to turn away. He had to do this, had to tell her and finally, officially quash the blaze between them.
“I was born in Whore’s Corner, and my parents were, obviously, poor. So, to make money, to support their drug habits, they entered me and my older brother into human cockfights. Before each fight, all the kids were kept in cages for about a week. We were treated like animals. They decided what we ate and when, and it wasn’t much and never nourishing. We had to use the bathroom in the cages, on ourselves. That way, we’d be feral when we got out.”
He lowered his gaze to the seat. Her fingers were digging into the vinyl.
“We never had to fight each other,” he said. “My brother and me, I mean. That was the only thing we refused to do. But then one day, during a fight, my brother was killed. By a kid just like us, sold, used. A girl. They dragged Dean’s lifeless body to my cage. Told me that I’d be fighting the girl who’d killed him the very next day. I aa… went crazy. I killed her during the fight, and then I killed my parents. I burned the ring and everyone in it down. There was nothing but ash and the echo of screams when I was done.”
His voice cracked there at the end.
And still he wasn’t done. “I ran off. Hid. Was found by the authorities. I gave them a new name, Hector Dean, because Dean was my brother’s name. I also gave them a fake past, and they put me in the foster care system. For several years, I was so numb inside that my arms never acted up. But then, one day, someone pushed me too far, and I accidentally killed him. I burned the body to ash, just like I’d done to everyone in the ring, so no one would ever know.”
He drew in a shuddering breath, gathering more courage. “I tried to be careful after that, tried to keep my emotions under control from then on. And I did, until I met a girl. Kira. I was just a teenager and I wanted her, and she wanted me, so we started hanging out. Things were great at first, I was still careful, but I got a little too excited one night, when we were about to go all the way, and I killed her, too. But I told you that already.”
Finally silence, such heavy silence.
“And there you have it. My entire life. Now do you understand a little about why I’ve pushed you away? Not just because of my arms, but because of me.”
“Y—yes.” Emotion clogged her voice, but he wasn’t sure which emotion. “I would have wanted you, anyway,” she whispered.
Would have, she’d said, and that hurt. Meant she didn’t anymore. Do not cave. More at stake than her life now. “Now answer a question for me. Who were you talking to on the phone earlier, the one you missed and called sweetie?”
“Ava.”
He shouldn’t have been relieved—but he was. Stupid on his part. But then, he doubted he’d ever get over this woman. And hell, he’d just ensured she never got under him ever again, either.