"There must have been survivors from the tunnel," I guessed.
"Or the group split before the attack, and some came this way while others chose to stay behind," Cade muttered.
"Or this only dead ends or leads to another trap," Lloyd said.
I frowned at the back of Lloyd's head nearly half a flight below me at the front of the group. I knew we had to be practical, but I couldn't bring myself to think about what the consequences of his words implied. "Who brought Mr. Pessimism to the party?" Jenna retorted.
Lloyd paused and turned to face everyone behind him. "I'm just being realistic. You all have to be prepared for what might be at the end of these stairs."
When I had first met Lloyd his reddish hair, freckles, soft blue eyes, and glasses had made him appear younger than his twenty years. He'd been less jaded than the other battle hardened soldiers surrounding him. That youthfulness had vanished now as the lines around his eyes and mouth made him appear years older and more rigid than a steel beam.
He had changed so much in the past six weeks, but as I looked at the group surrounding me I realized that we had all changed. It wasn't only the streaks of dirt, the tattered clothing, the scratches, bruises, or scars we had all acquired that had altered our appearances. It was the knowledge of what we'd seen and endured, and everything we had lost. Our eyes were haunted, our faces thinner, our bodies leaner and there was an aged wisdom to all of us, including Abby.
Except for the soldiers, and perhaps Cade, none of us had had any knowledge of battle, much less any experience in fighting one. A gun had been a foreign object, and walking was something that the aliens had forced upon us when all modes of transportation had been barred. Now, most of us were at least decent with a gun, if not proficient. Walking miles upon miles had become a daily way of life, and no one complained about blisters or sore feet anymore. Hot showers and meals were a thing of the past. A cold rinse off, a can of peas, and a piece of meat were a new heaven that I often longed for. Homes had become temporary shelters that simply housed the relics of their former owners.
We were all different. We were all more callous. I just didn't know if that was good or bad. We had to be more thick-skinned to survive and in order to keep our sanity. But did it mean losing our humanity in the process? In order to survive were we becoming more like the emotionless, cruel aliens that had driven us beneath the earth?
I was struck immobile by the aversion curdling through my stomach at the thought. We were still there for each other, we still protected and cared for each other but would we continue to do so? Just a little over two months had changed us into people that I barely recognized anymore. What would another two months do to us? What would more losses take from us? Would we still care for each other, or would each new loss make us less and less human until the only thing we cared about was ourselves?
I felt weighted down by the questions and frightened by the lack of answers. There was no way to know what would become of us. No way to know if we would live or die, or if we would even be worth saving in the end. I certainly hoped we would be. We had to be stronger, remorseless, but if we were like the aliens in the end I would prefer it if we just simply died out ourselves. I felt that death may be less of a loss than the actual loss of our compassion and everything else that made us human.
If I ever became like that then it would mean that Aiden, Abby, Cade, and every other person with us now would be dead. There would be no point in carrying on after that. I loved life, even this twisted version of it, but when there was no one and nothing left to live for, I didn't think I could continue to love it. It was a future I didn't want to think about, but it was a very real possibility and it could be waiting for all of us at the bottom of these stairs.
Lloyd started moving again. Cade rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it as he sensed my sudden distress. "Door," Lloyd announced.
"Large enough for two to go through?" Darnell inquired from the rear.
"Yes. Frank and I will go!"
We were stuck in the middle of the stairwell, completely trapped if there was something beyond that door. I leaned over the side of the railing but I could barely see Lloyd and Frank on either side of the door. There was no way I would be able to see what was on the other side of it. Frank nodded to Lloyd, twisted the handle and flung the door open. They disappeared into the void beyond.
I leaned over the rail, bending awkwardly as my feet came off the ground a little. Cade wrapped his hand into my waistband and held me against the rail as I leaned over even further. I held my breath in anticipation; the only sound I could hear was the loud thump of blood rushing through my ears. Molly and Justin, a young man in his twenties, were pressed firmly against the wall at the bottom of the stairwell.
Mark stood behind them, his sons Sam and Matt were protectively pushed behind his body. They were the only family unit, besides my own, that had opted to stay with us when others in the group had chosen to leave after Ian's unexplained death. Mark, a man in his early forties, had decided that the benefit of staying with the guns and troops was better than the risk that one of us may be a killer.
I was well aware of the fact that a few of them suspected Cade, and though they were right, I wasn't about to tell them that he had killed Ian, but he had only done it to save my life. They would understand that, but they would not understand that Cade wasn't like us, that he wasn't human and I worried that they would be scared of him and hate him. They may even try to hurt him. Maybe, after time, they would come to understand and accept him but I wasn't going to do anything that would risk Cade's life, or anyone else's.
Matt held a hand back for Abby, who grasped hold of it. He was a year younger than her at fourteen, but he was cute with his light brown hair and twinkling brown eyes. The relationship between them had grown since we'd entered Boston. At first I'd thought I should be concerned, but I'd realized that although she was only fifteen, Abby was far older and wiser than her years. She knew what she was doing, but even still I was going to talk to her as soon as I got a chance alone with her. Aiden seemed to have come to the same conclusion as I'd caught him watching them closely too, but he had yet to say anything about it.
"Bethany!" Cade growled.
I realized that I was nearly flipped over the railing now as I strained to see anything outside of the door. I silently thanked his strength as I used my arms, and his helping hand, to pull myself back over the railing. I cast an apologetic smile at him that he returned with a raised eyebrow and an admonishing shake of his head.