“We’d be overrun.” Curran pondered the flames. “We could split now and run. There’s a chance they’ll come at us in smaller groups. It takes time and maneuvering to get two hundred vampires moving. But as soon as we stopped to fight one group, the rest would catch up.”
“Also, Robert and Christopher die.”
We looked at the fire. “This is one hell of a date,” I said.
“Trapped by a horde of vampires in the middle of a snow-covered field, huddling around a tiny fire on thin blankets,” Curran said. “Drink it in, baby. All this luxury just for you.”
“At least it’s not raining.”
We both looked up just in case a freak downpour decided to drench us, but the night sky was clear. Nothing but stars and desperation.
I didn’t want to die.
“If we make it too expensive for the Golden Legion, would they cut their losses?” Curran asked.
“No. I think Roland has made up his mind. As long as Landon has a single vampire left, he will try to get me.” Our options were shrinking with every word. I leaned against him. “Robert told me that if you didn’t come back and the question of my leadership of the Pack came up, some alphas might vote no confidence.”
Curran growled low under his breath. “Robert says a lot of things.”
“Ted had locked us in a cage at the chapterhouse and Hugh had killed all of the knights. He got a hold of Ascanio and threatened to kill him. He was healing him and then unhealing, back and forth, and I told him if he saved the boy, I would come out of the cage.”
“Sounds like you.”
“Robert thought that I lacked the ruthlessness to be in charge. I should’ve let Ascanio die, because Hugh getting his hands on me would’ve been a disaster for the Pack.”
“He was right,” Curran said.
“I agree. But I can’t do it. I can’t turn my back on Robert and Christopher. I just can’t. It’s not in me.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s who you are. But I’m ruthless enough for both of us. Roland thinks you might be his daughter. He wants you to come to him. He wants a big show. Either you’re an impostor and you’ll die in front of an audience, or you’re real and he gets to show you off. Even if you walk out of there, there will be no more hiding. That’s why you’re not going.”
“I have to go and see him, Curran. If it’s not Christopher and Robert, then the next time it will be Julie, or Derek, or you in the photograph. I can’t keep doing this.”
He faced me, his eyes hard. “No.”
“Yes.”
His eyes sparked with gold. I looked into his irises. The urge to freeze gripped me. There it was, the Beast Lord’s famous alpha glare. I hadn’t seen it for a while.
His voice came out deep and ragged, as if the leonine snarl cut the words to pieces as they tried to break out of his mouth. “Kate, no. You’re not going. I mean it.”
I had to convince him or this thing between us would be over. I racked my brain trying to scrounge up smart, persuasive words, the right words, but I had nothing.
He was still staring at me, waiting.
Fuck it. “I love you. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to argue. I have to do this, because like you said, this is who I am. I don’t abandon the people who fought for me. If I compromise on this, soon I’ll compromise on other things and then I won’t be me anymore. I can’t let my father bend me into something I’m not. I won’t. I know it’s stupid and reckless, but I have to at least try, Curran. I have to try and I’m afraid.”
The alpha stare died.
“I won’t ask you to stand with me,” I said. “I don’t want you to come, because he’s forcing me to challenge him and if you come with me, you would be challenging him, too. I’m not sure I’ll come through this alive and even if I do, he’ll come after me with everything he has. I want you to live and be happy, Curran. I want you to survive. I want to marry you and have your children, but if I die, I want you to marry and have kids with someone who would make you happy. I want you to live. All I ask is that you let me have what’s left of this night with you. Don’t leave me now over this and don’t fight with me about it. I need you. Please.”
Curran pulled me to him. His arms closed around me and for a moment I felt safe. It was an illusion, but I didn’t care.
“We go together,” he said.
“No.”
“I don’t tell you what battles to fight. Don’t tell me when to fight mine.”
“Curran, there is no turning back after this . . .”
He shook his head. “I love you. We go together.”
“But . . .”
“No,” he said. “Not up for discussion.”
Oh, you stupid idiot. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
“Yes. But I’m a demon in the sack.”
I laughed. “Okay then. That fixes everything.”
“That’s right, it does.”
I fell asleep in his arms by the slowly dying fire in the cold snowed-in field. I wouldn’t have traded it for the most luxurious palace.
• • •
THE MORNING BROUGHT a magic wave and even harsher cold. I opened my eyes. The sky above me was crystalline blue. I pulled back the blanket, leaving the warmth Curran and I had shared through the night, and sat up. Pure white snow stretched as far as I could see, sparkling in the morning sun like crushed crystal.
Beautiful day.
Curran jumped to his feet. I rolled one blanket up, he rolled the other, and we checked the backpacks.
Andrea watched us. “Both of you have your business faces on.”
“We have someplace to be,” I said.
“Rise and shine,” Curran called out.
The rest of the group awoke instantly, all except Ghastek, who seemed dead to the world. One, two, three . . . Naeemah was missing. Well, we rescued her, she helped us get out of Mishmar. I suppose that made us even. Hopefully Landon’s vampires had let her pass.
Andrea was on her feet. “What are you doing?”
“I have to visit Roland,” I told her. “He has Robert and Christopher.”
“Robert is dead,” Thomas said, his voice raw.
“There is a possibility he isn’t,” Curran said.
Thomas froze. A muscle in his face jerked. “Then I’m coming with you.” Thomas grabbed his pack.
“You can’t go,” Curran said, his voice calm. “If you go, he dies. Roland’s condition, not ours.”