"I know you're not happy about this," Derek said.
"You're my shadow, I'm not upset."
"Not about that. I mean the lessons with Lucas."
Kylie sighed. "I don't see where I have a choice."
"You could have insisted Burnett find you another teacher."
"I didn't think about that." But why hadn't I? Am I wanting to be with him?
Derek glanced at her. "It's probably best this way, though."
"Why?" Kylie asked, sensing there was something he wasn't saying.
He smiled, but it came with a small touch of sadness. "You love him. I felt it so strongly in there. I also felt your anger."
"I have a right to be angry," she muttered, even when she knew her anger wasn't the biggest issue. Not that it was exactly a small issue either.
"Yes, you do," Derek said, and he stopped walking and just looked at her. "But what you were feeling was bigger than that."
She thought he meant her knowing that Lucas would eventually resent her, but then Derek continued.
He made a sheepish face. "I felt it. The same anguish you used to feel when we first met. When you were hurt over that ol' boyfriend of yours. Then it was the pain you feel toward your stepdad-you know, for cheating on your mom. Then there was the feeling of being betrayed by me."
She wanted to deny it, but couldn't. "So I guess this just means all guys are pieces of shit!" Her heartknotted and she swallowed to keep the tears from rising to her eyes.
He sighed and reached out and touched her shoulder as if wanting to console her. "What Lucas did was wrong, Kylie. Hell, what we all did was wrong. And I'm not saying Lucas doesn't deserve your anger, but he doesn't deserve to pay for everyone else's mistakes."
In spite of her efforts tears blurred her eyes. Damn Derek for being right! Her anger at being betrayed by others was all wrapped up in her anger at Lucas.
Derek's warm touch soothed her emotions, but it didn't fix things. Because this wasn't fixable. "Even if I could get over being mad, our relationship wouldn't work."
"Why not?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I already told you. He'll lose everything. His family. His pack. And even more importantly, his dreams. I refuse to be the reason he loses all that." She took off walking again. Fast.
Wishing she could run, run away from everything she felt. From everything she'd lost.
He caught up with her, and she slowed down as they cut to the path back to her cabin. The sun seemed to come at a different angle than a few weeks before. There was a fall feel in the air and it seemed to say that life was changing.
Change was hard.
He cleared his throat and spoke into the fragile silence. "Then you just find a way around that."
She looked at him, unsure exactly what he meant. "Around what?"
"Around him losing everything."
"I don't think that's possible," she said.
"Anything is possible. You're Kylie Galen." He offered her a sincere smile.
She shook her head. "You know, people give me way more credit than I deserve."
He grinned. "You just don't see yourself like we do."
She let go of a frustrated puff of air and the earlier issues rose in her chest. "I'm not cut out to be a warrior, Derek."
"You are going to do fine," he said. "Besides, remember what you told me about accepting my gifts when we first got here?"
"It was probably bad advice," she said.
"No it wasn't. You told me I needed to embrace the gifts. You were right. I can't imagine not using my powers now. They are a part of me. And this whole sword thing and being a warrior is part of who you are."
She shook her head. "I have so much on my plate, I don't need something else."
"What's on your plate?" he asked.
"My resident ghost. I need to get her crossed over before she makes me crazy. And my quests," she said.
"But don't you think the whole sword thing is part of your quests? I'd think it glowing when you touch it is a sign that it has to do with you."
"Well, it's not the part of my quest I would choose to work on right now," she snapped.
After a second, he asked, "Can I help you in any way?"
She actually considered it. "I don't think so."
"Tell me about your ghost," he said.
She told him about the spirit. About the head and the sword."Shit, that would be freaky," Derek said. "They have to be connected somehow. She's got a sword and then a sword shows up." He paused. "I know that Lucas is going to bring those books from his grandmother's but I'm still going to do some research on the Internet. Maybe I'll find something."
"Thanks," she said, and then glanced at him. "For everything, too."
"Everything?" he asked.
"I don't deserve your friendship."
"Oh yes you do." They walked a few minutes in silence. The sound of their footfalls on the rocky path joined in the melody of nature. A few bird calls, insects buzzing.
"You want to know something?" he said.
"What?" she asked.
"You did the right thing ... with us. I needed you to tell me that. As crazy as it sounds, I actually feel better."
"Are you just trying to make sure I don't feel guilty?" she asked.
"No. I'm serious. This is right."
She looked at him and sensed he was being completely honest. "We'll be okay, won't we?" she asked.
"Yeah, I think we will. But I'm also serious about being your friend."
"Me too," she said.
They walked a little way in silence again.
"What are your other quests?" he asked.
She didn't want to explain everything about coming out of the closet to Derek, so she explained the other half. "I want to help the other chameleon teens. The elders keep them secluded from everything. It's no way to grow up."
"Like that girl Jenny?" he asked. "She seemed ... pretty normal."
"Yeah, like her, and she's normal, she's just ... very secluded from the world." She told him about them not having cell phones or friends outside the compound.
"That's sad. Jenny seemed ... nice."
"Yeah, she is," Kylie said, and remembered seeing Jenny clinging to Derek's back as he ran around in circles trying to buck her off. Kylie almost smiled.
"I know what you're thinking about," he said.
"It was funny," she admitted.
"It was not. I could have hurt her."