He wasn't entirely sure he'd heard her words right until she lowered her eyelids. He twirled her hair around his finger as he pondered how best to phrase his next words. "It wasn't a human Cassie."
"At one time it was more human than I have ever been."
"What is inside of you, what is inside of all of us, is dark Cassie. It's dangerous, and it takes what it wants, and what it wants most is blood and death. It makes the whole world seem like a much better place when the blood is filling you, when it's healing the hunger and frustration that resides in all of us.
"Trust me Cassie I know, we all know how it feels. Even Liam and Annabelle tussle with what is inside of them. Annabelle slaughtered half a dozen cows before she was finally able to regain control of herself. By the time Liam was changed, Annabelle and I had enough restraint over ourselves to teach him how to maintain himself. Julian is struggling with not killing humans, and he's had centuries to learn how to keep his baser instincts under control in order to ensure his survival. Just as you will learn to control it better, and you will learn Cassie. This is partly my fault."
Her eyes fluttered up to his as she shook her head. "No Devon, I..."
"Yes Cassie," he interrupted as he pulled her chin up so that she had to look at him. "You were adjusting so well, you've only had a few brief instants of instability. You've exhibited so much control that I forgot that you are still new, still uncertain, and confused. I forgot that you don't understand what is going on inside of you."
He relaxed a little as her hand rested on his thigh. It was the first time she'd touched him since they had come back here, and he hadn't realized just how much he craved that touch, until now. "What is inside of me Devon? What am I becoming?"
"A demon, a monster, it's been labeled so many things before, but it is definitely darkness. A darkness that is only ever completely satisfied when it's killing. A darkness that you can fight just as you have helped me to fight it. I will teach you how to control it, how to keep it at bay. Feeding well, and on a regular basis helps with this, as does age and maturity. It will come in time Cass, I promise."
"I have plenty of that."
He smiled down at her. "Yes, you do. We both do."
"What if I can't control it though? What if it's like the powers and just rips out of me at certain times? What if I become one of the worst monsters to hunt this earth like Matthew saw?"
"You could never be that Cassie."
"No one knows what I could be now."
"I know," he retorted more fiercely than he'd intended. "You are the best part of me, and no matter what your doubts are, I know what you truly are Cassie. And that is good. We may not know, or understand everything that you are capable of but with time we will teach you how to control it."
Her forehead furrowed as she stared at the wall. "If something happened to you, I would be uncontrollable," she muttered.
He started in surprise. "Cass..."
"Don't deny it Devon. I saw you when you thought that I was dead. You were crazed with fury and grief. You would have destroyed anyone in front of you, anyone you could get your hands on. No matter who it was. If something happened to you I would be the same way. Liam and Annabelle would be the same way if something happened to one of them."
"Yes," he agreed. "If a mate is lost..."
"Then so is the other," she finished.
He ran his fingers through her hair as he thought over her words. The vision Matthew had seen could very well be the direct result of his destruction. The Elder's were still a threat to all of them, and if something happened to him Cassie would explode. What she could do after that was something he didn't even care to imagine.
He felt no concern over his own safety at this realization, only her own. Just as he knew that she no longer feared Matthew's vision because of what she was in it. Her love for him was absolute and as pure as his was for her. He had felt it through the sharing of their blood, and the cementing of their bond. She would no more survive his loss than he would survive hers.
"The others are afraid of me."
He couldn't lie to her. "Yes."
"But not Julian."
"No."
"And not you."
"Never me."
She managed a listless smile as she cuddled closer to him. Her eyes drifted closed, he could feel her exhaustion, yet she still fought against it. He understood that she didn't wish to lose one second with him, but she had to take care of herself. He shifted her so that he could lie down beside her. Pulling her against him, he rubbed her shoulders and back as she cuddled against him. She continued to struggle against sleep, but eventually exhaustion finally took her under.
***
Cassie blinked dazedly as she took in her surroundings. She was fleetingly baffled by the strange nightstand beside her. Then, the events of the night crashed back over her. She had been so peaceful, so happy, and even somewhat buzzed in the restaurant. It had felt amazing to be normal, surrounded by her friends and people once more. It had all unraveled so fast, all spiraled rapidly out of control and into hell.
The worst part had been her realization about Matthew's vision. Even when she'd been draining the vampire she hadn't felt anywhere near the level of destruction radiating out of her that she'd seen in Matthew's premonition. She knew now that level of wrath had come from somewhere else, and the only thing that could have inspired it was the loss of Devon.
She shuddered at the thought, a bubble of anger and protection welled up at just the thought of such a thing happening. But if what Matthew had seen wasn't stopped, then it was quite possible that this small bubble would become something far more. It could not happen, no matter what she had to do, she could not allow Matthew's vision to come true.
She would do whatever it took to ensure that, even if it meant losing more of herself to the darkness creeping through her. She had to learn more about her abilities, had to learn what she was capable of, and she had to get more of them. She had yet to acquire Dani, Joey, Annabelle, and Liam's powers. She would have to make sure that she did so soon.
Cassie had been so absorbed in her thoughts, and the new plans swarming through her mind, that she hadn't realized Devon was no longer in the room. She scurried across the room and threw the door open. It crashed loudly against the wall and bounced back at her. Chris and Julian's mouths dropped as their heads snapped toward her. Chris stepped away from the hotel wall, but Julian remained leaning against the rail with an amused quirk to his full mouth.