Ali thought of Ian, then of her and Spencer’s game to kiss as many older boys as they could. She’d made out with a few eighth graders, and once even a ninth grader, but they’d just been simple kisses, nothing more. “Not really,” she admitted. “Have you?”
Nick ducked his head. “To be honest, I haven’t gone out with very many people. I’ve only had one girlfriend, and she . . .” He trailed off. “It didn’t work out.”
“You’re kidding,” Ali blurted out. “I thought girls would be all over you.”
“I haven’t found the right girl, I guess.” He turned his liquid-blue eyes to Ali and looked like he was going to say something else, but then he shut his mouth.
“What?” Ali asked, her heart pounding hard.
A blush rose up Nick’s neck. Ali waited, a fizzy feeling of anticipation mixed with excitement swirling in her stomach. But then someone bumped her bag, and some of her Polaroids, which she kept in the front pocket, fluttered out to the floor. Ali looked up and saw a girl with short blond hair striding away. It was Spencer’s sister. Ali glared at her. Had she bumped into Ali on purpose?
“Wow, cool,” Nick said as he bent down to help her pick them up. “What are these?”
He held up one of Ali and Aria in art class. They’d positioned their big, bushy paintbrushes under their noses to look like mustaches. Then he looked at one of Jason lounging on the couch, a cheese curl hanging out of his mouth. She’d taken it on the sly yesterday and planned to use it as blackmail later.
“Oh, just something I do,” Ali said. She rummaged through the photos. “I have one of you from the day we re-met.” She found it and held it up.
“You carry around a picture of me?” Nick looked touched. “I want a picture of you, too.”
Ali leafed through the photos and found one that Spencer had taken of her outside Rosewood Day. Her blond hair gleamed in the sunlight. Her smile was wide and sly, like she had a secret she wasn’t telling. “Here you go,” she said shyly, passing it to him. It felt significant to exchange photographs with a boy. Almost as big as friends exchanging half-heart necklaces or friendship rings.
They rounded the corner and the merry-go-round materialized, its calliope playing a circusy song. The wooden, elaborately painted horses bobbed up and down. A kid rode in the little sled behind the horses, and a father stood next to a young boy on a roaring lion.
Nick grabbed her hand. “Want to go on?”
“Sure,” Ali said, not even bothering to look around to see who might be watching. Normally, a girl like her would never ride the merry-go-round. But with Nick, these sorts of things were cool.
They paid for tickets, and when the carousel stopped, the attendant lifted the chain and let them select horses. They chose two white ponies next to each other and climbed on. As Ali put her feet in the straps, she was suddenly flooded with nostalgia and sadness. A memory flashed into her mind of the last time she’d been on a merry-go-round. It was back when she and her sister were friends, before anything terrible happened. The two of them had been dressed in identical pink skirts and white tops; they’d both asked for pink balloons from the balloon cart. The horses were so tall that their father had to boost them on, and they’d sat side by side, just as she and Nick were doing now. As the music started, they both squealed and grabbed hands across the aisle.
What had made her sister change? Why, suddenly, was she so jealous, so desperate to be the only girl in the house? It was probably an answer Ali would never know.
As she ran her fingers over the horse’s molded mane, a surprising thought struck her: She missed her sister. Not the crazy person she’d become, not the threatening presence in the bathroom, but that little girl she once was, her old best friend. Sometimes, in the middle of the night at the Radley and even now, she found herself reaching for something in the darkness. She’d wondered more than once if it was her sister’s hand.
The music started up, and the carousel began to turn. Ali smiled at Nick, wiping the thoughts from her mind. Nick gripped the pole with one hand and held her hand with the other. He didn’t take his eyes off her the whole time. Ali’s heart beat along with the bass drum that accompanied the carousel’s old-timey song.
The merry-go-round rotated several full turns before either of them looked away from the other. As the ride slowed, Nick’s phone chimed, and he pulled it out of his pocket and started texting.
“Who are you writing to?” Ali blurted, then wanted to clap a hand over her mouth. She wasn’t supposed to care who he was texting. She was supposed to act cool and aloof. Guys couldn’t stand girls who wanted to know every detail of their lives.
But Nick turned the phone screen around so Ali could see. “My buddy Jeff.” He pointed to the text-message thread. A guy named Jeff G. asked him what he was up to, and he’d replied, I’m hanging out with my new crush, Alison.
Ali’s mouth dropped open. “I’m your new crush, huh?” she said, trying to sound untouchable and apathetic. But her voice was too full of joy for that. Her fingers were shaking. There was a voice inside her screaming, Yes!
“I hope you are,” Nick said, helping her off the horse and walking her out of the little fence that surrounded the carousel. “I want to know everything about you, Ali.” He laced his fingers through hers. “I like you a lot.”
“I-I like you, too,” Ali heard herself saying, her voice sounding small and nervous—and thrilled.