Simply put, she was afraid and she was having difficulty coping with the fear.
There was a drawer in his desk that he never opened. She was vaguely aware of it, although she’d never had the nerve to look through its contents.
Gabriel had caught her opening it one day while she was in search of some printer paper, and he’d closed it under her hand, saying there were memories in that space that he did not wish to relive. Then he’d distracted her by pulling her onto his lap on the red velvet chair and making love to her.
Julia hadn’t touched the drawer since. But today, frustrated and concerned, she sat behind his desk, examining its contents. If Gabriel would not give her answers, perhaps his collection of memories would.
The Botticelli illustrations, which he’d kept in a locked wooden box in that same drawer, were no longer there, displayed as they were now in the Uffizi. Julia quickly and quietly retrieved the first item, holding it in her hand.
It was his grandfather’s pocket watch. He’d worn it on occasion, back in Toronto, but since they’d moved to Cambridge it had remained in the drawer. The watch was made of gold and attached to a long chain that had a fish-shaped fob on it. She opened it carefully and read the inscription:
To William,
My beloved husband
Love, Jean
She closed the watch, placing it on top of the desk.
The next item she retrieved was an old cast-iron train engine that had clearly seen better days. She imagined Gabriel as a little boy, clutching his train, perhaps demanding that he take it with him when he and his mother left New York.
Her insides twisted.
She placed the train on the desk and returned her attention to the drawer.
There was a wooden box, which she opened. In it, she found a string of large South Sea pearls and a ring with diamonds set into the band. Julia picked up the ring to look for an inscription, but there wasn’t one. She saw two silver bracelets and a necklace, all of which were marked from Tiffany.
The jewelry had to have been his mother’s. But she wondered about its source. Gabriel had told her several times of the poverty they’d lived in. How could someone who was so poor have such expensive jewelry? And why didn’t his mother sell the jewelry when money grew short?
Julia shook her head. Gabriel’s childhood was tragic, to be sure, but so was his mother’s life.
She closed the box and turned her attention to the photographs, which had been sorted into envelopes. She leafed through them quickly, finding pictures of Gabriel and his mother, and a few snapshots of a man and a woman who must have been Gabriel’s parents. Surprisingly, however, there were no photos of Gabriel’s parents together.
Like Gabriel, his mother had dark hair, but her eyes were dark too, against pale, milky skin. She was fine featured and very beautiful.
In contrast, Gabriel’s father was gray haired with piercing sapphire eyes. He was attractive for an older man, but there was an overall harshness to his expression that Julia didn’t like. In the pictures, he rarely smiled.
At the back of the drawer, underneath a worn teddy bear, was a diary. Julia opened it and looked at the flyleaf.
This is the Property
of
Suzanne Elizabeth Emerson.
On impulse, she opened it to a random page. Her eyes alighted on the sentence written at the very top:
I’m pregnant.
Owen wants me to have an abortion.
He gave me money and said that he’d make the appointment.
He said that if I did this for him, he’d find a way for us to be together.
But I don’t think I can do it.
Julia slammed the book shut and hurriedly shoved it to the back of the drawer.
Gabriel could come looking for her at any moment. He’d be incredibly angry at what she’d done.
She already regretted it. Suzanne Emerson’s words flashed before her eyes. If Gabriel were to read them, he’d hate his father even more.
She placed the teddy bear back where she found it, along with the photographs and the jewelry box. She was about to return the train to the drawer when she noticed what was next to it, sitting atop the pile of unopened mail.
It was a letter.
She hadn’t recognized the handwriting, but it didn’t matter. Paulina’s name and address were neatly written in the top left corner of the envelope. Somehow, she’d discovered Gabriel’s address and sent the letter to their home.
Their home. The home Gabriel shared with his wife.
Julia wanted to fling the letter into the fireplace.
She was already beginning to keep secrets—reading his mother’s diary when he wasn’t looking. She couldn’t throw Paulina’s letter away, too.
Holding the envelope away from her body, she walked to the bedroom and handed it to him.
“Thanks, but I’ll go through the mail later.” He moved to toss the envelope on the bed, but she stopped him.
“Look at the return address.”
Gabriel glanced at the letter.
He cursed.
“Why is she writing to me? Not even Carson, my lawyer, hears from her now.”
Julia remained motionless, watching him.
He ripped open the letter, expecting to find a long, handwritten missive. He was surprised to find a single piece of cardstock.
He read the printed words quickly.
“It’s a wedding invitation.” He turned the card over, finding Paulina’s flowing script on the back.
Gabriel,
I would never be gauche enough to invite you to my wedding.
I simply wanted you to know that I’m getting married.
After all these years, I’ll finally be a wife and a mother, to two wonderful girls.
Now that we’re both happy, things are as they should be.
XO,
P.
He handed the invitation to Julia for her perusal.
Julia skimmed it.
“She’s getting married.”
“Yes.”
“How do you feel?” Julia searched his face.
He placed the invitation back in the envelope. Then he tapped it against the open palm of his left hand.
“She expressed it correctly—we’re both happy. She’s found the family she wanted.”
His blue eyes trained on Julia’s.
“She has you to thank.”
“Me?”
“You were the one who persuaded me to let her go. That she’d never find her own happiness while she was dependent on me. You were right.”
Julia shifted her weight at his praise, all too conscious of the fact that she’d been snooping through his personal effects only minutes earlier.
“You were right about Maria, too.” Now his eyes were sad.