“He’s flaming? So that means he’s gay? Aw, I’m sorry, hon,” she laughed.
“No, he’s not gay. At least, I don’t think he is,” I said, trying to smooth out my hair. “He buried his face between my thighs, so I’m guessing he’s really into girly bits.”
Dez gasped, obviously excited by this news. “He got his carpet munch on? Oh my God! Did you love it? You loved it, didn’t you? Wasn’t it the best thing—”
“Dez! Focus!” I said, trying to get her attention. “My pants were still on, so I still don’t have a clue, nor do I have much time on the phone. Let’s spend it talking about something important, yes? How are my folks? Did the money go through to the account?”
“The money is there, and damn, bitch … you went for two million? You’d think those pervs would want a woman of the world who knows how to show them a good time, but no, they want little Miss Innocence. I can’t say I understand that logic.”
“Dez,” I said, trying to rein her back into the conversation before she could go off on one of her tangents. “How is Faye?”
“I went by there earlier today to check on her. She’s the same, sweetie. No change,” Dez’s voice was more solemn. “But now we have the money for the operation, thanks to your courageous effort.” Dez sighed. “I really admire you, Lanie. Sacrificing your goodies like that and all? That’s really heroic. I’m serious as a heart attack.”
“Well, as long as it helps Mom it’s worth it, right?”
“Mmm-hmm. And there’s no shame in enjoying a little rat-a-tat-tat on your vag while you’re at it.”
I smiled and gave her a half laugh. “Yeah, I guess you would see it that way. Look, I have to go. Tell my folks that I’m swamped with freshman stuff, but I’ll call them the first chance I get, okay? And I sort of like you.”
“Sure thing, babe. And I sort of like you, too,” she said with a hint of sentimentality to her voice. At least, as much as she was capable of. “Clit licks and tit nips, bitch!”
I hung up the phone and decided to grab a quick shower. When I was done, I walked into the bedroom to dress, but I couldn’t find my things anywhere. I even looked in Noah’s massive closet and still nothing. So I grabbed one of his dress shirts, which thankfully was long enough to cover my nakedness. Yeah, I knew it was probably going to tick him off, seeing as how he was all OCD over his clothes, but surely he didn’t expect me to walk around naked all the time.
I brushed my teeth and looked myself over in the mirror, satisfied that he was going to flip his wig, but he would definitely tell me what he did with my things if for no other reason than to get me out of his. Then I hightailed my ass down the stairs before I ended up pissing him off for keeping him waiting so long. Again, not because I cared, but because I wanted to see his pretty, pretty face when he did get pissed.
He was sitting at the head of the table when I entered the dining room—er, excuse me, dining hall. The placement to his right was set for me, I presumed, and I took my seat. Noah looked me over from head to toe, taking in my current state of undress, and I watched him swallow hard.
“I hope you don’t mind. I really had no choice since all of my things are gone. What did you do with my clothes?” I asked.
“I’d planned on taking you shopping this afternoon, so I had the help dispose of your other things,” he said, picking up his napkin. “I didn’t realize you’d be sleeping all day. My apologies.”
He disposed of my things? “You can’t just get rid of my stuff!” I screeched.
“I didn’t get rid of everything. Just the clothes,” he said dismissively. “They weren’t up to par with my lifestyle.”
“Well, aren’t we just the elitist? I’m sorry I didn’t come prepared for your ritzy lifestyle.”
“No apologies necessary,” he said, quite seriously. “We’ll take care of that tomorrow. Although I have to admit that you do look rather delicious in my shirt.”
The way he was looking at me, you’d think I was an all-you-can-eat buffet and he hadn’t had a meal in days. It was at the point where he licked his lips that I forced myself to look away, suddenly becoming very interested in the actual buffet before me. All three courses of the meal were already laid out: salad to start, a juicy steak and baked potato, and a slice of three-layer chocolate cake with a side of vanilla ice cream for dessert.
I unfolded the napkin and laid it in my lap. “Did you make all this?”
“I’m a multimillionaire. I don’t have to cook,” he said, picking up his fork and stabbing his salad. “I pay people to do this for me.”
“I see. Sort of like how you pay for pussy?” I asked, and then took a sip of water from the goblet in front of me.
Noah choked on the bite of salad he had just taken, and I gave myself a mental high five while smirking around the rim of my glass.
“Why is that, anyway?” I asked, not the least bit concerned for his welfare.
“That subject is not up for discussion,” he said, taking a drink of wine. “How are you feeling? Any bleeding or cramping?”
Until he mentioned something about it, I’d almost forgotten about my little excursion to the twat doc. “Well, that’s a personal question, but if you must know—”
“I must, and nothing about your body is a secret from me for the next two years. The sooner you get used to that idea, the better this situation will be. Now, you were saying?”
I gritted my teeth together, trying my damnedest not to tell him to go fuck himself, even though that might have actually been sort of hot. Mentally picturing that scene, I needed to do a quick count to ten in my head before I felt reasonably calm enough to answer his question. “The cramps have subsided, and I haven’t had any bleeding at all. So does that mean you’re going to fuck me now?”
“Yes. How about right here on the table?” he said facetiously as he made a show of testing its durability with a shake. He gave me a crooked grin to make sure I knew he was only joking. “I think I can allow you to have the evening off to recuperate. I know you hate me and must think some pretty terrible things about me, but I’m not a monster. I am capable of showing a little compassion every now and then, you know.”
Double Agent Coochie was already strapping on her hooker heels to perform her table dance and was beyond disappointed when he took it all back. She was threatening a revolt, but I mentally stomped that slut in the face and told her to simmer down.