She was pissing me off. I could feel the vein in my forehead bulge.
“Delaine,” I corrected her.
“No, she asked me to call her Lanie. I guess she prefers that to her given name, but you should know that since you two are so in love,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s the deal between you and her? ’Cause I’m not buying the whole ‘we met outside a drag queen show in LA and fell in love’ bullshit. You’re a lot of things, but into dudes you are not.”
My eyebrows shot up into my hairline and I nearly choked on my own saliva. “She told you we met at a drag queen show?”
It sounded like something Delaine would say. I wasn’t really all that surprised. In fact, it was kind of funny. That was when I got an idea that would help me fuck with both of them—Polly for snooping when she should have been minding her own damn business, and Delaine for making the drag queen comment in the first place.
“Did she tell you she has a penis?”
“Shutthefuckup!” Polly’s mouth dropped open in shock, and then she quickly snapped it shut as she got a thoughtful look on her face. “Wait a minute.” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and put a hand on her hip. “I’ve seen her naked. She definitely does not have a penis.”
“Not anymore,” I added. “What do you think the money in the account was for?”
I could practically see the hamster running on the wheel inside her head as she processed what I was saying. “Oh. My. God! Lanie’s had a sex change?”
I shrugged. “I don’t see what the big deal is. Her name was Paul. She looks pretty convincing now, though, doesn’t she?”
“But you’re not into dudes.”
“She’s not a dude … now.” I laced my fingers together and cupped the back of my head as I reclined in my chair. “Any more questions?”
Polly stared off into the distance, dumbfounded, until finally she shook her head. She started for the door, but I stopped her before she could leave.
“Oh, and Polly?” She turned to look at me. “This has to be our little secret. You can’t say anything to anyone, especially not to Delaine. She’s pretty sensitive about the subject and just wants to be accepted as the woman she’s always felt she was on the inside.”
“Oh yeah, right, no problem.” She nodded vehemently while giving me a look that said “pfft, as if,” then grabbed the doorknob to leave.
I was pretty damn proud of myself for being able to think so quickly on my feet. When Delaine found out what I’d done, she was going to be mega-pissed. For me, that translated into another epic sexcapade. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Triple whammy.
I stopped her again. “One more thing. I’m fucking kidding.”
“About what?”
“The whole thing, Polly. I made it all up. Delaine has never been a man named Paul, and she most certainly does not now, nor has she ever, had a penis.” I laughed. “But God, you should’ve seen the look on your face.”
“Ugh! Noah Patrick Crawford!” She seethed between clenched teeth as she marched toward me. “I should knock the piss out of you!”
She swung her purse and smacked me in the back of the head.
“Ow!” I laughed, and ducked to avoid further blows.
“I’m going to tell her about this!” she said, taking another shot at me.
I was hoping for that.
She backed away and the coast appeared to be clear. “Look, it doesn’t surprise me that she said she met me at a drag queen show. She has a very odd sense of humor, Polly. You never know if what she’s saying is true or if she’s bullshitting you,” I explained. “It’s one of the many things I love about her. But the truth is, we met at a conference.”
The real truth was that most of what I said actually was true.
“Apparently she’s not the only one who bullshits around here,” she said with her hands on her hips. Then she sighed and said, “Okay, confession time. When I saw that big transfer, I started thinking, and nothing was adding up right. So I did some research, and lo and behold, I couldn’t find any trips that you’ve booked to LA over this supposed time you’ve been seeing her. And even though I had no last name to go by, I also didn’t find anyone named Delaine or Lanie on any of the flights from LA the day she showed up.” She took a breath. “What I did find was a receipt from a very posh club that just so happens to be owned by one Scott Christopher. A further background search on him revealed charges for trafficking. Human trafficking. Women, to be specific. So,” she concluded with a sigh, “you wanna tell me who Lanie really is?”
Fuck my life! The motherfucking jig was definitely motherfucking up.
“It’s complicated, Polly,” I said, defeated. Damn it, I needed a cigarette and a shot of Patrón.
“Noah.” Her voice was much lower, and she gave me this pitying look as she took a seat in front of me again. “You bought her, didn’t you?”
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek and just looked at her. She obviously took that as an affirmative.
“I’m not going to ask you why, because I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that one already. But Lanie … she’s a good girl. Why would she do something like that?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “We agreed not to discuss it.”
“Well, don’t you think you should find out?” she asked incredulously, flailing her hands in the air. “Just because you can’t discuss it with her doesn’t mean you can’t do some digging on your own. Jesus Christ, Noah. Use the head on top of your shoulders instead of the one between your legs. Who knows what sort of trouble she might be in?”
She was walking a very thin line with the way she was talking to me, but if anyone could get away with that shit, it was Polly. She was just too cheery and cute to go all ballistic on. It would be like attacking a fourth-grader.
Plus she was right. And if I hadn’t been so distracted lately, I would’ve done exactly what she’d suggested. Delaine had this way of making me forget who I was. It wasn’t like I didn’t have the connections to find out more about her, possibly even the reason she’d agreed to that contract in the first place. Maybe part of me only wanted to live in the fantasy world I’d created with her.
I mean, it didn’t change anything. I’d bought her fair and square. But if she was in trouble, maybe I could help her out. After all, a large part of what I did at Scarlet Lotus was managing our charitable donations. My mother would’ve helped her. She wouldn’t have purchased her or taken her virginity, and she probably would’ve killed me if she’d known I had, but nonetheless …