This is how life should be. No more emptiness in three-month affairs with women I don’t care to know. I can’t believe I once found—whatever the right word is—in what I used to do. It certainly wasn’t happiness or fulfillment. I don’t have a label for it. L is my everything and there’s no going back. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I run my hands along her hips, massaging them under the water. I feel something stuck to one of them. It feels like a sticker and the corner pulls up more and more as I rub so I give it a yank.
She gasps and I immediately know I’ve done wrong. “Jack Henry!”
Oh hell. I think I’m in trouble. “Should I have not done that?”
“No. You shouldn’t have.”
“I’m sorry, L.” I hold up the flesh-colored square and she goes pale. “I thought it was some kind of sticker accidentally stuck on your bum. What is this?”
“It was my birth control patch.”
“Oh.” She’s going to think I took it off on purpose because of the baby talk. She’s probably going to be pissed off at me the rest of our honeymoon—or cut me off so she won’t get pregnant. Shit. “I didn’t know. I swear. Do you have another one to put on?” I move to get out of the tub. “I’ll get it for you right now.”
She stops me by grabbing my hand. “I have one left but it’s for next week. I’ll be short one week of hormones so that’s probably as good as not wearing one at all.”
“Please don’t be mad. It was a stupid move but I didn’t know.”
She relaxes against me again and I breathe a sigh of relief. “It’s okay. I told you I started new birth control so I’m sure you assumed it was the pill. I guess I should’ve told you what kind so we’d be on the same page.”
I didn’t know the ramifications of my actions but it doesn’t stop me from feeling as though I’ve wronged her. “I told you I refused to wear condoms on our honeymoon but I will. I deserve that for being stupid enough to yank off that patch without asking what it was first.”
“Baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that. Rubbers aren’t fun for you or me. I used a spermicide as backup last night. We’ll just use that the next couple of weeks and I’ll restart the patch next month. I hadn’t been on it long anyway.”
I’m lucky. She could seriously be giving me shit right now. “Thank you for not being angry with me.”
“There’s nothing to be angry about, McLachlan.”
“You say that now but what will your feelings be if you end up with a bun in the oven because I ripped that thing off your arse?”
She leans her head back and tilts her face to kiss my chin. “I would think it takes two to tango and it’s meant to be.”
3
I’m confused. I’ve always associated dark sand with unattractiveness but this isn’t. It’s … breathtaking. “Black sand.” I hear the surprise in my own voice. “This isn’t at all what I expected to see on a Hawaiian beach.”
Jack Henry laughs at me, apparently entertained by my astonishment. “It’s another reason I love this place so much. It’s different from the beach at my Auckland house. Polar opposites.”
I rake my toes through it. “Had I known it was black, I wouldn’t have expected much so I’m glad you didn’t mention it.”
He prepares my lounger, spreading a towel across the cushion. “The lava of an erupting volcano rushes into the ocean and it cools when it hits the water. The waves force it back onto the beach and that’s why the sand is black.”
I sit on the chair. “My husband, the environmental scientist. Who knew?”
Jack Henry repeats the same process on the second lounger and then joins me. He’s wearing my favorite sunglasses and I can see my reflection when he looks my way. “So this little piece of heaven is your private beach?”
“It’s our private beach, Laurelyn. Everything of mine is now yours. You’re going to need to get used to that.”
I unfasten the back of my bikini top and allow it to drop. “Then it’s okay for me to do this?”
“Damn, L,” he laughs while scanning the property for prying eyes. “It’s ours, and it’s private, but that doesn’t stop the occasional beachgoer from stumbling across here.”
“Well, I guess they’ll think they’ve happened upon a topless beach.” I toss my bright red top over and it lands on Jack Henry’s chest. “Because I’m not putting it back on.”
“Damn rebel.”
“Damn right.”
I lie on the lounger, basking in the sun. I love the outdoors; it’s still the only place where I feel completely free. As a child, going outside was my only escape from her. My mom was always hungover—except when she was high—so the house was forever dark, dreary, and cold. I wasn’t allowed to open the curtains for sunlight. The brightness hurt her eyes and prevented her from sleeping all day so she could party all night. Lifting a window for fresh air was out of the question since it allowed her precious, frigid air conditioning to escape.
Those were bad days. Bad years. I don’t want to think about those times and ruin this perfect moment. The weather is beautiful and I’m soaking in the sunshine. I have my man by my side; therefore, I want for nothing. Everything in the world is right.
“You’re doing some serious thinking over there.”
How can he possibly tell? I turn to look at him. “How do you know?”
He points toward my thigh. “You’re tracing the infinity symbol on your leg with your fingertip. It gives you away every time. ”
I didn’t realize I was doing that, but he did. He always does.
“What’s on your mind, babe?”
Do I brush the thoughts of my childhood away, keeping it to myself so I don’t ruin this perfection? Or do I put it out there so Jack Henry can know a little more about the wretched past that makes me who I am today?
He already dislikes my mom. I’m certain this will only add fuel to his contempt—but he’s straight up asking, so it doesn’t feel right to keep it from him. “When I was a kid, the outdoors was one of my only escapes from my mom when she was high or hungover. I feel my freest when I’m in the sun.” He doesn’t reply and I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s fuming. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ve ruined this beautiful moment.”