Then he turned to Fareed, shrieking his triumph and throwing his trophy back to him.
He caught it, stuffed it beneath his arm and treated Ryan to a boisterous round of applause. Ryan zoomed to him, sought the haven of his arms. After having enough of Fareed’s validation, Ryan wriggled off and crawled away as if eager to resume their game.
Before following, Fareed spared her a glance, eyes twinkling with pride. “See? Nothing is beyond him. He’s creative and problem-solving and ambitious and he’ll always surpass your expectations.”
She barely stifled the cry. Stop surpassing mine! Stop making me want you more when I can’t even dream of you.
But it was already too late.
She’d come to depend on him when it was the worst thing she could have done. She couldn’t think of a time when he wouldn’t be in her life, their lives, when it was inevitable.
She’d fallen in love with him when it would mean destruction.
Yes, she loved him.
And she would have preferred it if he didn’t realize she was alive. But she could no longer escape what she’d known from the moment he’d captured her gaze at that conference. He’d made it clear, in a hundred nuances, what he wanted from her, that he was only waiting until any doctor/patient’s parent trace of their relationship had faded, to act on his desire.
His desire to have her in his bed.
And even though guilt and dread haunted her, this was the only place she wanted to be.
But it didn’t matter what she wanted. She couldn’t act on her desire. She wouldn’t.
“I’m surprised he hasn’t melted yet.”
Rose. Sitting right beside her and she hadn’t even noticed her come in.
Rose elaborated, “I’ve seen hunger blazing in eyes before, but the solar flares in yours…yowza!”
Her gaze moved nervously to Fareed, who was far enough away not to catch Rose’s comments. Thank goodness. If Rose had seen it, had he…?
Who was she kidding? He had. He knew he had her on the brink of mindlessness. And he’d been letting her know, subtly, inexorably, how he’d leave her no place to run when he made his move, how earth-shattering it would be when he claimed her.
She let out a resigned exhalation. “Don’t start, Rose.”
Rose repaid her with a fed up look. “Then why don’t you stop? Jumping away as if he scalds you each time he comes near?”
“What do you expect? The man has a magnetic field that could upset a planet’s orbit.” After a moment’s hesitation, she admitted, “He does scald me.”
Rose nudged her. “Then help yourself to his inferno, girl.”
She squeezed her eyes. “I can’t, and you know it.”
“So you’ve been mourning. Now enough.” Rose turned fully to her, scowling. “Let the dead rest and get on with your life.”
Gwen bit her lip, memories a shard embedded in her heart. “It’s not only mourning.”
“What else is it? Can’t be Ryan because Fareed is the best thing that has ever happened to him, present company included.”
“You’re talking as if Fareed is in Ryan’s life in anything more than a temporary way, when you know he’s just his surgeon.…”
“He’s not just his surgeon, and you know it.”
For a heart-wrenching moment, Gwen thought Rose knew. Who Fareed really was to Ryan.
But there was no way that she did. She hadn’t been in her life for the past five years, had missed all the developments and upheavals that had ripped through her life. Rose knew only what she’d told her once everything had been over. She didn’t know about Ryan’s parentage. And she must never know.
Rose turned her eyes to the man and baby who possessed Gwen’s heart. “I mean…just look at them.” Gwen didn’t want to look. It hurt too much. “Look at you. You’re burning for him.” Gwen averted her eyes, damned being so transparent. “Then look at him. He would devour you whole if you didn’t flit around like a hummingbird on speed.”
A chuckle burst out of Gwen. Only Rose could cut to the truth, yet make it somehow bearable, even lighthearted. “And you recognize the symptoms because you and Emad are suffering from the same condition?”
Rose wouldn’t be distracted. “Emad and I have nothing like the same condition. I don’t have melodramatic tendencies and I’m not letting self-perpetuated worries stop me from taking whatever happiness I can now. We’re free grown-ups with nothing to stop us from having whatever we want together. Apart from your baffling reluctance, I can say the same about you and Fareed.”
Gwen exhaled dejectedly. “I’m not free.”
“Because you’re a single mother? And I can’t fathom your position because I’m not? So enlighten me, what are women in your situation supposed to do? Sacrifice your personal lives at the altar of your children’s upbringing?”
Gwen stared sightlessly at the mansion’s gardens. She wished with all her heart that she could share her burden with Rose, that everything wasn’t so complicated, so impossible.
Why had Fareed of all men turned out to be the one who awakened the woman in her? And so completely, so violently?
To add to her heartache, Rose added, “And anyway, don’t knock temporary. You of all people know that nothing, starting with life itself, is permanent. Think about that and make up your mind.”
She swallowed a lump at another impending and permanent loss. “My mind is made up, Rose.”
Before Rose could counterattack, Fareed’s rich baritone curled around Gwen’s sensitized nerves, filling her with regret for what would never be.
He was walking toward them, with Ryan in his arms. He’d said, “I have an announcement to make.”
Her heart pounded so fast that she felt the beats merging like the wings of the hummingbird Rose had compared her to.
Fareed stopped before them, so beautiful and vital that a fist of longing squeezed her heart, stilled it into its grip.
“I’ve done and redone every test there is. And the verdict is in. This magnificent boy is on his way to a full recovery. I expect he’ll walk in a few months’ time.”
Gwen’s hands shot to her lips, stifled her soundless cry.
She’d been monitoring Ryan’s every notch of improvement obsessively, and from her experience with neurological progress, she’d been hoping for the best. But to have Fareed spell out such concrete conviction, put a time frame on it, made it all real.