“Is it enough?”
“If it’s all we have, we’ll use it and try. But, it’s all circumstantial. The judge might give you an extension but the moment we ask for it, Blake will burn those records. He’s only keeping them now so he knows how to lie and not get caught. He has to know what he did in order to know how to frame it. We need to get that folder.”
Mark hugs me tighter, his hands running up and down my arms.
“We need to get in Blake’s office and we’re running out of time. The good news is the closer the deadline gets, the cockier Blake gets. Still, if he’s closing down Lynx, you can bet he isn’t going to let anyone waltz around through his office–especially me.”
Suddenly, he blinks and smiles. He has an idea, I can tell. But I’m in no way prepared for what comes out of his mouth next.
“Do you trust me?”
“Um… of course, I… well… ” I struggle and realize submission means giving him my honesty, not just my body. “I’m trying to trust you. I trust you most of the time.”
“But, you’re open to trusting me?”
“Yes,” I laugh with one of those maniacal giggles that says I no longer have any idea what we’re talking about.
“How well do you deal with pain?”
“What?”
“Not the bang your head on the counter pain or I just lost my best friend pain, but pain that leads to something better. How well can you endure something if you know it leads to something else? Would you accept pain if you trusted the person giving it to you? Could you trust them not to hurt you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like pain so I avoid it, like most people.” I struggle to answer because I’m trying to figure out where this is coming from, and where it’s going. It went the last place I expected.
“I want us to have anal sex.”
“Are you crazy? NO!” I say standing up. “As usual, I’m dealing with the worst crisis in my professional life and you’re thinking with your dick. Typical man!”
“Hear me out.” He rises and takes my hand, pulling me toward the playroom we’ve used before. “Sometimes we have to put ourselves in a position that’s painful, that’s humiliating, or that we fear. But after we go through it, we get what we need in the end. If we can get through that position with someone we trust, it makes it easier with someone we don’t.”
I allow Mark to walk me into the room and sit on the bed. No hairbrush. Thank goodness.
“Look, Mark,” I say matter-of-factly. “I’m not having anal sex with someone I trust, someone I don’t, or anyone else, because I’m not doing that with anyone ever! Never did it, never going to. Case closed.”
“Why?”
“Because, no. I’ve reached my limit.”
“Why is it a limit? Look Julia, I’m not going to force you. I’m not going to abandon you. But let’s just talk. Why won’t you have anal sex?”
“Because it hurts.”
“How do you know it hurts? You just said you never had it.” He sits up straight, clearly in rational mode. I’m leaning back against the headboard trying to work up a good answer to an honest question.
“Everyone knows it hurts. It’s common knowledge. Sun starts in the East, water is wet, anal sex hurts.”
“But what does it feel like after the hurt?”
“I… I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ve never really thought past the hurt.”
“That’s exactly what I’m getting at, Julia. I think I know a way to get you to trust me. But in order to do it, you’re going to have to get past the hurt. You’re going to suffer the pain, but you’re going to have to keep going because the reward is so much better. You need to trust me enough to know I wouldn’t hurt you, even when there’s some present pain. You’ve got to trust me past the hurt.”
I want to trust him. God knows I do. I consider what he’s saying and it makes a lot of sense. Still, I’m terrified by the prospect of this. I’ve never been this open, this intimate with anyone. Can I really do it with him?
“And,” he adds, “If you can learn to get through the hurt because of the rewards–I think I know how we can get that folder out of Blake’s office.”
“Look.” I raise my hands in surrender. “I know he’s an ass**le, but I really can’t think about Blake and having anal sex with you at the same time. It’s really too much.”
Mark laughs and kisses me gently.
“Then let’s leave Blake out of it for now, and work on that trust.”
I sigh and nod, more to feel his body against mine again than an urgent desire to test the limits of my trust of Mark. We undress in a slow and luxurious manner, with Mark kissing and caressing me as our clothes come off. He reaches down, rubbing my mound and getting me aroused. His lips pulling at mine and his hands over my body send shivers throughout my entire being.
I rub his c**k and lean down to take it in my mouth, my lips pursing on his head, sucking with purpose and passion, hoping to bring him to such a quick place of pleasure he’ll forget all about this ‘plan’ for the night. He leans back allowing me to take more and more of him in. I feel him growing inside my wet, warm, welcoming mouth. Then he gently lifts my chin.
“That was beautiful,” he says sincerely. “Now I want you to let me guide you. I want you to trust me.”
My body trembles, and I bite my lower lip. I have no idea what to expect. I nod my head yes.
Mark guides me onto my stomach, lifting my hips slightly. He rubs my br**sts and kisses the back of my neck, at one point letting his tongue lick all the way down my spine. He massages my bu**ocks and runs his finger up the sensitive tissue toward my small virgin hole. I jump a bit the first time his finger runs across it.
He opens the drawer of the nightstand and brings out a bottle of lubricant. I hear the cap snap open but don’t feel any on me. Then I feel his wet finger once again rubbing at my anus.
“Try to relax. This part isn’t going to hurt,” he coos as his lubricated finger presses against me.
“Is this a medical exam or sex?” I try to joke, hoping to ease the tension. I feel his finger enter me, and my body gives way. He rubs the inside of my opening with lube and takes a long time, allowing me to become used to the sensation.
“It’s trust, Julia. It’s trust.” He squeezes more lubricant out and soon his finger is joined by a second. My body spasms slightly, the stretching needed to fit both in. He continues exploring and moving in me and I understand what he was trying to say. After the discomfort of the unfamiliar presence, my body is responding to the feeling of him in me. I begin to move my hips, enjoying the sensation of my body rubbing against his fingers.