Gary switched the channel on the TV and we all watched a few rounds of a breakdancing competition sponsored by Red Bull. Hunter grunted a few words here and there, but he wasn’t his usual self. Sitting there next to him, and not being able to talk about it was painful.
After an hour, I made an excuse about needing to hang out with Daniela and took my leave. Hunter didn’t protest and just nodded slowly. We could barely meet each other’s eyes. We’d already admitted our attraction to one another and now we had kissed. It was easier to pretend a sleepover never happened and move on but how could we pretend that a kiss never happened?
Chapter Fifteen
HURT
The next day I sat in Psych 102, trying not to zone out while Professor Muller droned on about something to do with marshmallows and Harvard. I didn’t know what to make of the kiss between me and Hunter. Whose fault was it? What did Hunter think about it? Things between us were a mess and I had no idea how we were going to fix it. Even though we had become much closer over the past weeks, I still had my baggage. And Hunter had his as well—Gary and Mitch had practically pointed to it with a neon sign.
It was one thing to be friends, it was another to be in a relationship. Two unstable people like us shouldn’t get together.
I looked over at Daniela, who was as focused on the lecture as she had been every other. Hopefully she would end up becoming a psychologist; I couldn’t think of anyone who loved any subject as much as she seemed to love psychology. It made me a little jealous that she had found something she loved so much. So far all I had was drawing, and that was more of a hobby than my life’s passion.
She looked over at me and seemed to read my expression. “What’s up?” she whispered.
I shook my head and looked down, but saw her watch me another few seconds out of the corner of my eye. She eventually turned back to the front of the class and paid attention to the rest of the lecture. Twenty minutes later, the class ended. I was packing my stuff up when she grabbed my arm. “Something happened,” she said matter-of-factly. “We’re going to Starbucks.”
“You don’t have to meet your group early for Geology or anything?”
“Nope. Come on, let’s go.”
We chatted idly on the walk over and continued chatting while waiting in line at the Starbucks next to the Barnyard. I got black coffee as usual; Daniela went for a mocha. Our drinks came, and we found a seat on an open couch.
“Okay, what’s up?” she asked.
I looked out the window at the snow falling lightly to the ground. Where should I start with that question? My whole world felt upside down.
“This has to do with Hunter doesn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I was at his place to feed the kittens on Valentine’s Day and . . . well . . . something happened between us.”
Her face lit up. “Holy shit, you guys kissed, didn’t you?”
I blinked and looked back at my friend. Was I that easy to read? Looking around to see if anyone was listening to our conversation, I pressed my lips together into a thin line and nodded. It looked like people were minding their own business.
Her eyes widened. “I knew it!” She smirked. “You said you thought of him as your older brother and now you kissed him. Not so high on your moral-horse now aren’t you? But I can’t blame you, it’s Hunter. Tell me everything. How did it happen?”
“We were sitting on his couch watching TV and he started tickling my neck. After that we were kind of going back and forth in a tickle fight for a little while, and he ended up on top of me. Then we bit down on this chocolate together and somehow that turned into making out.”
“Was it hot?” she asked breathlessly.
I felt myself blushing fiercely as I remembered the warm, smooth feeling of his lips locked on mine. When we kissed, I hadn’t resisted at all. I’d wanted more. What would have happened if Gary hadn’t come through the door at that moment?
“It was a mistake,” I said through my teeth.
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “What happened after he kissed you?”
I grimaced. “Gary came in.”
She gasped.
“But I don’t think he saw anything,” I added quickly. I took a sip of my coffee. It was so hot it burnt the roof of my mouth. I swallowed it painfully, feeling it travel all the way down to my stomach.
“Whoa, you okay?” Daniela asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” I choked. “Coffee’s just a little hot, that’s all.”
“Okay, so what happened after Gary came in?”
“Nothing. It looked like he was watching me to see how I would react, but he didn’t say anything. I hung around for a little while after Gary came, then left.”
“So you have no idea what he thinks about it right now?”
I shook my head.
“Were you drunk?”
“No! And neither was he.”
She tilted her head in apparent thought. “So he was hanging out with Gary on Valentine’s Day?”
“Yeah, I thought that was weird too.”
“Maybe he wanted to hang out with you on V-Day rather than Gary,” she said before taking a sip of her mocha.
“I don’t know, I guess. Does it matter? I’m not going to get romantically involved with him. You were there when I yelled at him for exploiting the kittens. He’s used to getting BJs whenever he wants from anyone he wants. I’m not that kind of girl.”
She shrugged. “What if he wants to be exclusive with you?”
I remembered Hunter asking me for a date back when we walked through that abandoned amusement park together, and I had declined. Although Hunter and I had admitted our mutual attraction for one another since then, dating was one thing, exclusivity was another. “Like boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“Yeah. I mean, hypothetically, what would you think?”
I took a deep breath. Most of the girls at Arrowhart would think that question was a no-brainer, but I wasn’t sure. Hunter was gorgeous, there was no denying that. Plus, we had a lot of fun together just goofing off and hanging out. Still, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have a romantic relationship with anyone, let alone Hunter.
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “When I decided to come back this semester, all I wanted to do was make it through without having a breakdown and failing any of my classes.”
“Those are good goals.”
I laughed. “Yeah, and I’m not sure dating someone is going to help. I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready for that right now, you know?”