He was wrong. She wasn’t going back to work at Knight Inc. tomorrow, or ever again.
Lucien watched Sophie walk up her garden path, dishevelled and delicious. He couldn’t help her fight the battle that raged inside her head right now; he understood that she needed to be alone tonight to work her feelings out for herself.
He turned the engine over and eased the car away without glancing back. She’d be back in his office come two o’clock tomorrow. She just didn’t know it yet.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Inside the house, Sophie locked the door and leaned her back against it, unsure her legs would hold her up much longer. She’d changed so much since she’d left home yesterday lunchtime.
The flashing red light on the answer-phone caught her eye, and she dragged in a sharp, painful breath.
It had to be Dan. She crossed and sat on the floor next to the hall table and pressed the button, her head in her hands.
“Hey Soph…” Just the sound of his voice brought a heavy pain to Sophie’s chest. “It’s me… where are you, babe? I really wanted to hear your voice tonight, it’s been a fucking long day… I miss you… it’s all pretty crap here... the usual shit. Bob’s being a dick as usual with unreasonable demands and screwing up the negotiations… anyway..." he sighed audibly down the line, and Sophie squeezed her eyes tight shut.
"Wish you were here. Or I was there. Whichever… Love you, babe. See you soon, yeah?”
The message clicked off, and Sophie gulped for air as tears streamed down her face. She reached up and pressed rewind, hearing more from Dan’s lengthy silences than his words. He sounded desolate.
Where had she been when he’d needed to hear her voice? She checked the recording time on the machine. Eight o’clock. Fresh hot tears of shame coursed down her cheeks. She couldn’t bear to think of Dan standing somewhere, alone, hoping she’d pick up, when all along she’d been at The Gateway Club letting Lucien fuck her with his big silver vibrator. She wanted to scratch her own eyes out with shame as she headed straight upstairs, shedding her clothes as she went and chucking them in a ball on the landing. All except for her knickers, which were still in Lucien’s pocket.
She swallowed hard, sick with disgust at herself as she stepped under the steaming shower. For well over ten minutes she stood stock-still with her face turned up into the sting of the spray, hoping it could wash away her shame along with the film of sweat that still lay on her skin from the club.
She was sleazy. She squeezed half the bottle of shower gel into her hands and scrubbed herself, gritting her teeth against the sensation of her hands on her breasts. Even touching herself brought back uncomfortable memories of Lucien’s hands on her.
"No. No. No." The sound wrenched out of Sophie’s chest, an animal cry of frustration as she thumped her fists against the tiled wall. She refused to let the memory dictate that it had felt good. It should have been hideous because he wasn’t Dan.
Tears mingled with the shower spray on Sophie’s face as she soaped her body harshly. She was shabby, and filthy, and she’d made a mockery of her wedding vows. And for what? A fumble with a stranger in a sex club? What kind of woman did that make her? How had Lucien so effortlessly managed to reduce her to her sexual essence, to reveal a woman inside that she didn’t even recognise? A woman with kinks and perversions, a woman without sexual inhibition or respect for the sanctity of her marriage.
But then, wouldn’t any woman have crumbled as easily, faced with the Viking force of Lucien Knight and his crusade for the sexual liberation of unfulfilled wives?
Wouldn’t the threads of anyone’s relationship have been unpicked by the nimble fingers of such a beautiful, charismatic man?
Wouldn’t every woman have discovered her dark, carnal side when faced with Lucien? Or was she just an emotional lightweight?
Burdened by guilt, Sophie slid down the wall and let the shower rain onto her bowed head. It was hopeless. No amount of water could cleanse away the self-loathing from her skin and her self.
It didn’t even matter at that moment that Dan might be screwing someone else, because the horrible truth was that it would have changed nothing. From the moment she’d kissed that envelope and posted off her job application, Sophie had set the seal on her affair with Lucien Knight.
She passed out soon after her head hit the pillow, exhausted physically by Lucien and mentally by guilt. She’d expected to toss and turn, so was surprised to find herself blinking against the spindly fingers of dull morning light as they crept between the hastily dragged-together curtains.
The alarm clock beside the bed informed her that it was a little after nine. She could get up, but her bones and her heart felt too heavy. She wanted to close her eyes and stay in bed, in her own bed, until she felt like herself again.
How long would that take? A couple of days? A few weeks? A lifetime? Sophie turned on her side and pulled the quilt over her shoulder, rolling herself into a cocoon against the outside world. She might not be able to spend forever in bed, but she could damn well spend this morning there, and this afternoon too if she felt like it, because she had no intention of going anywhere near Knight Inc.
Had Derek already filled her old job? The idea of going back, cap in hand to him, made Sophie burrow even deeper into the quilt with misery, but at least it would be a step towards pulling her life back from the brink of disaster. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe deeply. In. Out. In. Out. Sleep crept back through her bones, and Sophie relaxed gratefully into it. In. Out. In. Out.
And that was when the telephone rang.
Sophie sat on the bottom stair and pressed rewind on the answering machine for the third time. Dan’s secretary’s panic-tinged voice broke the silence again.
“Hi Dan, it’s Elise… I’m so sorry to bother you when you’re on holiday, Bob’s having one of his emergencies.” Elise’s dramatic sigh spoke volumes. “Do you have any idea where the Matteson report is? Please say yes. I can’t find it anywhere and he needs it for a meeting in ten minutes. You know how he gets. Call me if you can. I tried your mobile but it’s off so I was just hoping you might be around at home. Sorry again.”
The line clicked as Elise hung up, and Sophie slumped against the wall. Dan wasn’t on holiday. Why would he be on holiday? He was supposed to be in Milan for negotiations. With Bob. But Elise would know that, wouldn’t she? There could be no mistake. There was no imaginable possibility of a misunderstanding.