She smiled. “Good plan. Now that’s out of the way, can we talk about the medical stuff?”
He nodded.
“When are the docs starting the coma reversal process?”
“I’m meetin’ with them sometime today to hear their recommendation.”
“You’ll keep in touch with me so I can pass on the information?” Keely nudged him. “It’d be easier if you learned to text.”
“No, missy, I surely do not need to learn that. If I need to tell you something I’ll call ya.”
“Stubborn.”
“I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
She laughed and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
Carson slammed the tailgate shut. “Should I prepare myself for visits from your brothers?”
Her smile vanished. “Like I said, I don’t speak for anyone besides myself. But they need to clear the air with you before you let them see Mom. Not as a stipulation for seeing her, but because they owe you an apology. And we both know Mom will pick up on any bad family vibes. She’ll need to concentrate on getting herself better, not worry that her sons have redefined jackass in dealing with you. I’ll tell them that if you’d like me to.”
“Do what you have to, punkin. Your mom will want to see her sons regardless if they’ve been pissed off at me or not.”
“You’ll call? As soon as you know anything?”
“I promise. Give Pipsqueak and Katie-bug a hug from me. Same for JJ and LC.” He was the only one who called Liam LC, but the boy was his namesake, so he was entitled.
“I will. Love you Daddy.”
“Love you too, Keely girl.”
His appetite had disappeared so he skipped the cafeteria and stepped into the elevator. He needed to shower and change his clothes but he couldn’t get it done in the twenty minutes before he could visit Carolyn again.
He froze inside the ICU waiting room door, seeing Cord gazing out the window.
His son turned toward him. “This is a shitty view.”
“Most of the time when I’m staring out I don’t see nothin’ anyway.”
“Wish I coulda heard what you and Keely were talkin’ about down there,” Cord said.
Carson noticed Cord’s hands were jammed in his pockets. An indication of his oldest son’s nerves. “That wasn’t a bait and switch? Keely talks to me while you sneak up here?”
“Keely don’t know I’m here. I was surprised to see she’d shown up at the same damn time.”
“She came to apologize.”
“I came to apologize too.” He blew out a breath. “Straight up, no excuses, Dad, I was an ass**le. I don’t know what the hell I was thinkin’. It’s like I stood outside my body and watched myself reverting to that twenty-something kid who didn’t like what you were tellin’ me so you had to be wrong. The only reason you were actin’ like that was because you had to show us that you still had power over us and weren’t—”
“A retired rancher with nothin’ better to do than deny my kids access to their mother when she’s in a life or death situation?”
Been a long time since he’d seen his son blush, but he did.
“Sounds like we’ve got some things to talk about. Have a seat.”
“Feels like I’m ten years old getting called into your office for some stupid stunt.”
“You spent plenty of time on the bench over the years. Not as much as Cam and Carter.” Carson lowered into the chair opposite Cord.
“How is Ma?”
“No change. I’m meetin’ with the docs today. I imagine they’ll start bringing her out of it in the next twenty-four hours.”
“She’s…” Cord closed his eyes. “Fuck. I can’t imagine how you’ve held it together.”
“Who says I have? I’m a f**kin’ mess.”
“Not that I’ve known since I haven’t been around to offer any support. None of us have.” Cord looked at him with anguished eyes. “The worst part is when I hear Mom’s voice in my head: I raised you better than this, Cord West McKay. Your father needs you. Jesus. You’ve been there every goddamned time I’ve needed you. Even sometimes when I haven’t wanted your help. And when you need me—you need us—you’re forced to go it alone. How in the hell are you ever gonna forgive us?”
“I’da been alone in this even if you’d all been here. In some ways, this was my choice.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Look. I ain’t one for that psycho-babble crap, but I think there’s more to how you reacted than you wanna admit. Yeah, I know you’re scared for your mother. I know you’re scared for your kid. Ky is bucking your authority, so the way you deal with it is by bucking mine.”
“That’s the definition of mature,” he said dryly. “Ky said he talked to you. You told him that he needed to ask me about when I up and moved to Seattle. Did you really admit to him that you’d handled the situation wrong?”
“I told you I was in the wrong back then and I’m tellin’ you now. You were right to go but it was hell when you left. I swore I’d never do to my kids what my dad done to me. But I did it to you. And because I’m a stubborn fool, I didn’t learn my lesson, I did the same thing to Colt.”
Cord rubbed the back of his neck. “What goes around, comes around, huh?”
“Yep. So I’m askin’ you to be the bigger man and the better father. Don’t make the same mistake with Ky that I made with you.”
“What if he goes off to college and he doesn’t ever come back here?”
There was the real fear and Carson remembered it clearly. “You’ll survive. We did with Carter. I miss seeing him as often as I do you kids that live around here, but we keep in touch. Carter is doin’ what he’s meant to do. Ky will too. You’ll find a way to deal with it. For now, let him decide where he wants to spend his college years. Your job is to enjoy the time you’ve got left with him here. And I will point out that you did come back.”
Cord sighed. “When did you get so damn smart?”
“Learned it the hard way after years of bein’ stupid.”
He laughed. “I resemble that remark. You gonna tell Ma that I was a total dick to you?”
“I ain’t gonna lie to her. She’ll find out, but it won’t be the first thing I tell her. And it shouldn’t be the first thing none of you tell her neither.”