But he noticed something else that evening he’d never experienced before. He’d just had sex with a stranger and he hadn’t been drunk this time. And though he felt a little guilty about it, the overwhelming feeling of self-hate did not rush through his body and fill him with anxiety. The bad feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t happen. The craving for alcohol would never disappear. He knew this deep down and he would have to figure out a way to live with it. But at least he wasn’t falling apart this time, running down the steps to the nearest bar. And for the first time since he’d moved out of the townhouse, he wondered if Jeffery might not be right about having an open marriage. At least it was something to consider.
Chapter Six
“I can’t stay much longer,” Cadin said. “I’m meeting the same guy I saw last night.”
“The one with the big ass?” Evan asked.
Cadin smiled and pretended to fuck the chair. “I prefer full hips, thank you.”
“Please stay until he gets here,” Evan said. “It will help break the ice.” He’d asked Cadin to come over to be there when Kenny arrived.
Cadin glanced at his watch, frowned, and said, “I can stay another half hour. But that’s it.”
Evan decided to change the subject and ask Cadin more about his date. He knew his best friend better than anyone and he knew how much Cadin liked talking about himself. “So do you think this could be something serious?” In spite his own disillusions with love, Evan still believed in the concept of love and he wanted his best friend to live happily ever after. This concept of living happily ever after for gay people was still so new, half of the gay people Evan knew weren’t completely convinced it even existed.
“I don’t want to talk about it too much,” Cadin said. “You know how I feel about Kina Hora.”
Evan laughed. Cadin tended to be superstitious and he used the phrase Kina Hora often. Though Cadin was not Jewish, it was a Yiddish word that was supposed to protect people from jealousy and bad luck when something good happens to them. “You can tell me the basics, without the details. I’m not going to wish you bad luck. I love you.” He was smiling the entire time, but he was so nervous about Kenny moving in that night he felt like running down to the corner bar and having a martini. He actually had to lace his fingers together to keep his hands from shaking.
Cadin went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and said, “He’s thirty-five, he’s a schoolteacher in Brooklyn, and he’s recently divorced.” Evan kept a pot of coffee going all day. He hadn’t replaced alcohol with caffeine; nothing could do that. It just helped him get through the day.
Cadin frowned. “From a man or a woman?”
“A woman,” Cadin said, carrying a fresh mug of coffee into the living room.
“Does he have kids?”
Cadin shrugged and took a sip of coffee. “Two boys,” he said. “Ages eleven and thirteen.”
This was interesting to Evan because Cadin had never been particularly fond of children. “Are you sure you should be getting involved with a guy who has kids?”
“No. But I like him a lot.”
“Good for you,” Evan said. “I think it’s wonderful that you’re willing to keep an open mind. Five years ago you wouldn’t have done that.”
“Five years ago I was only twenty-five and I thought I’d be young forever,” Cadin said. “Five years ago I had no idea how fast five years would fly by and I’d be thirty.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
The phone rang and Cadin picked it up first because he was standing next to it. Evan got up from the sofa and watched him. The only person who would call at that hour would be Jeffery. And he’d already checked in with Evan from the West Coast a few hours earlier.
Cadin said, “I’m not sure, but I’ll check and see,” and he covered the receiver with his palm and said, “It’s a guy named Carson Savione. He wants to talk to you.”
Evan’s head turned sideways. “What in the world does he want?” He’d probably found Evan’s number in Kenny’s school records. The school had both his and Jeffery’s contact information in case of an emergency.
Cadin glanced at his watch and said, “Don’t ask me.”
“He’s Kenny’s English teacher,” Evan said. “I met him the night I went to hear Kenny do a reading at his school. He flirted with me.” Evan hadn’t mentioned the way Carson had flirted with him that night to anyone up until now, the same way he hadn’t mentioned he’d had sex with the delivery guy from the grocery store. He shared some things with his good friends, but not everything. He’d always believed there were certain things everyone had a right to keep to themselves and no one else had a right to know them.
“What should I say?”
The buzzer sounded and Evan said, “That’s Kenny downstairs.”
“Should I tell this dude you’re not here?” Cadin said. “It might not be a good idea to get involved with your son’s teacher.”
Evan thought for a moment, and then said, “It could be about Kenny, not about me. Maybe it’s something to do with school. Tell him I’ll be right there. I’ll take it in the bedroom. Would you buzz Kenny up?” He felt a twinge of guilt for not putting Kenny first. When Evan went into his bedroom, he closed the door and picked up the phone. “Hello, this is Evan Littlefield.” He hoped Carson was calling about Kenny.
“Hey, this is Carson Savione. We met at your son’s school. I’m his English teacher.”
“Yes. I remember,” Evan said. “Is everything okay with Kenny? He’s not in trouble or failing something, is he?” Although Kenny had always been an A student, he decided to ask just in case.
“No. He’s fine,” Carson said. “I called to speak to you about something else. I was wondering if you’d like to get together one night next week.”
This wasn’t something Evan wanted to deal with that night. He took a quick breath and pressed his palm to his stomach, wondering what to say now. “Can I call you back tomorrow? It’s kind of busy around here tonight. Kenny is moving in full time with me tonight and he just arrived.” This was actually the first time anything like this had come up and he wondered if accepting a date with a guy was allowed in an open marriage. But more than that, he found it both flattering and unnerving that Carson Savione would actually call him and ask him out.