So Elroy leaned forward, reached for Kyle’s hand, and said, “You can tell me anything, man. I’ll never repeat it. What is said in this room tonight will never leave it. I swear on my life.”
Kyle took a deep breath and exhaled. “It’s just not something I feel comfortable talking about. There was one guy, just one, but it’s complicated.”
Elroy squeezed his hand and spoke in his sincerest tone. “You can trust me. You’ll feel better after you talk about it.” Oh, he was dying to know now.
Kyle looked into his eyes. “You swear you’ll never tell anyone?”
Elroy crossed his heart with two fingers and said, “I swear on my life. To prove it, I’ll tell you my deepest darkest secret after you tell me yours.”
This time Kyle finished his drink, put down his glass, and swallowed a huge gulp of booze right from the bottle. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and said, “I’ve never told anyone this before. Jeremy was my secret boyfriend all through high school. He seduced me one night and I wanted him to. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. If you ever saw Jeremy, you’d understand.”
Elroy’s eyes opened wider. “You did your stepbrother? Dude.” Elroy had not portended Kyle’s story would be this entertaining. He’d been imagining some dull story about two geeks in braces with tons of acne.
Kyle took on a defensive attitude. “It’s not like I killed a kitten. We didn’t grow up together. We were already in high school when we were thrown into the same bedroom. We weren’t biologically related and I didn’t even start it. One night Jeremy climbed into my bed and we started making out. After that, we did more and it became a regular thing. At the time, I didn’t mind at all. I liked it and couldn’t get enough of it.”
Elroy shook his head. “But you just said Jeremy is straight.”
Kyle shrugged. “I guess he’s bi-sexual. I don’t know. I can’t get into someone’s head. He would never talk about what we did or go into detail. He slept with me every night and dated girls all through high school.”
“Were you in love with him?” Elroy found this unusually arousing, but he didn’t want to ask for details he knew Kyle would never give.
Kyle laughed this time. “I thought I was for a while. I couldn’t think of anything but making love to Jeremy. But I finally realized I wasn’t. I told Jeremy I wanted more and I was tired of sneaking around with him. This happened at the end of our senior year and I knew it was time to either move forward or end it once and for all.”
“What did Jeremy do?”
“He laughed in my face and called me a fucking fag,” Kyle said. “Then he told me he wasn’t a fag and that if I ever told anyone what we did together he’d kill me with his bare hands. He even grabbed me by the throat and showed me how he’d do it. He was stronger and I was scared. I was devastated for a while, but I got over it. I wound up meeting a guy at my part-time job in a restaurant and we started seeing each other. But we never had sex. I wouldn’t let him have sex with me until I knew for sure he was the right man. I think people have too much sex. That’s when I officially came out of the closet. It was the first time I actually brought a guy home to meet my family. My mom and stepdad didn’t know how to react. And Jeremy was livid that day. He seemed to resent the fact that I’d come out and that I had a boyfriend, as if he were embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“Well, it stands to reason,” Elroy said. “After all, the guy was boning you.”
Kyle tiled his head sideways. “Why would it matter?”
“He was probably jealous,” Elroy said. “Guys like Jeremy are possessive that way. They don’t want you, but they don’t want anyone else to have you. I’ve seen that before.”
“I don’t know,” Kyle said. “Looking back on it all, I now see Jeremy is just an asshole. And I was a bigger asshole for not seeing it sooner.”
“What happened to the boyfriend from the restaurant?” Elroy asked. “You never had sex with him?” This was hard to believe.
“We’re still friends,” Kyle said. “He went to school in Los Angeles and we still keep in touch. But we weren’t in love. We made out and did safe things, but never anything with penetration. He wanted to have sex, but I refused. After what happened with Jeremy, I found it hard to trust any man. I still cringe when I think of him calling me a fag. I’d never felt that way before or since— like trash.”
“I understand doing the safer things in bed,” Elroy said. “I have a lot of friends like that. We just jack each other off.”
Kyle sent him a look and said, “I’ll bet you do. Now tell me your deep dark secret. I told you mine.”
Chapter Ten
Elroy finished his drink and moved closer to Kyle. He was so close he could smell the Southern Comfort on his breath. He lowered his head and said, “I’m not sure I can talk about it. It’s just too painful for me.”
Kyle put his arm around him and spoke in a soft, comforting tone. “You can tell me. It’s okay. You should never be afraid of your innermost emotions.”
He leaned into Kyle’s side and rested his head on Kyle’s soft shoulder. This was turning into an Oprah Winfrey show. “It’s just that it was so traumatic I get all filled up thinking about it. I’ve never told anyone about this before. I don’t want to cry in front of you.” He hadn’t cried since his mom’s and dad’s funerals.
Kyle seemed to enjoy this. He caressed Elroy’s head and said, “Don’t ever be afraid to cry. I think that’s a sign of strength in a man. You need to release your emotions sometimes.”
“You do?”
Kyle stroked his head again. “Yes, it’s sweet, too.” Elroy took a quick breath and said, “Okay, here goes. But
would you please put your other arm around me? This is so hard.” He wanted to feel Kyle’s body up against his. “Sure, I will,” Kyle said. He put his other arm around Elroy as if he were cradling him against his chest. “And cry all you want. I don’t mind.”
Elroy inhaled his spicy scent and said, “It happened my senior year while I was in boarding school. I fell in love with an older man who had a wife and kids. One weekend his wife and kids went to visit his wife’s mother in Boston and my older boyfriend had the house all to himself. He asked me to come over and spend the weekend with him and I refused at first.”