“I’m starving, how about you?” He gives me a devilish grin as I stand pouting up at him. The ass knows exactly what kind of fire he’s started within me. I know that it would only take a few well-placed strokes to change his mind, and I’m seriously debating my next course of action when it hits me. We can’t have sex again until we talk about birth control, or rather the lack of it recently. I had managed to put it out of my mind for the last hour while cooking, but now the fear has reared its head once again. He seems disappointed when I pull away and take my seat at the bar. I feel certain that guilt is written all over my face even though I haven’t put us in this position on purpose. I feel as though there is very little likelihood that we’ve conceived, since I’ve been on birth control for quite a while, but we can’t take any more chances.
“So, how was your day?” I ask when he sits next to me and takes a long sip of his beer. We sound so domesticated in that moment that I find myself trying to swallow a smile. Has there ever been another woman in Lucian’s life who had this with him? I feel a pang as I think of Cassie. Lucian said that no other woman has been in this apartment, but Cassie was obviously a big part of his past. He has promised to tell me about her soon, and I feel as if this will be the last key to understanding who he really is and what he’s been through because I know it’s something horrible from his nightmares.
“It was good…busy. Aidan’s done a great job of keeping things running, so there weren’t many problems to deal with. How about you?”
“It was fine,” I say brightly…going just a tad overboard on the enthusiasm. Between obsessing over my birth control oversight and jumping at every single sound, it has been an exhausting day. I’m wiped out, even though I did nothing physically taxing…well, other than in the shower this morning.
Lucian puts his hand over mine, squeezing it. “I’m proud of you,” he says quietly. I feel my eyes well up, and I’m so grateful when he starts eating without adding anything further. Kindness has been so rare in my life that I still have a hard time processing it when it happens.
When we finish dinner, Lucian insists on cleaning up and orders me to the couch to rest for a while. I fidget nervously, waiting for him to join me. I know the time has arrived for me to talk to him about my doctor’s appointment this morning, but I’d rather have a tooth pulled than have this conversation.
I’ve worked myself into a jittery mess by the time he sits down next to me. When he picks up the television remote, I put my hand over his, stopping him from turning it on. “I…need to talk to you about something,” I begin. He immediately sets the remote back down and turns to give me his full attention. Shit, it’s even worse now. Maybe I should have emailed or texted him instead.
When I don’t say anything else, he finally prompts, “Lia? What is it, baby?”
I normally love his tendency to call me ‘baby,’ but at this moment, I find myself wincing at his choice of endearment. He is beginning to look worried as I sit here floundering, so I close my eyes briefly and fight for composure before speaking. “I…when I saw Dr. Kay this morning, she asked me some questions, and one of them was concerning birth control.” I feel his hand twitch beneath mine and his expression looks frozen.
“Are you pregnant, Lia?” he asks, sounding panicked. His eyes are locked on mine, as if searching for the answer.
“No!” He relaxes minutely before I add, “I mean, I don’t think so.”
He drops my hand, jumping to his feet. “What the hell do you mean, ‘you don’t think so’?’ You either are or you aren’t,” he says in a voice just under a shout. Suddenly, it feels as if he and I have switched places and I’m the calm one and he’s off the deep end. It’s crazy, but the shift has helped to center me. I can’t focus on my own emotions when I’m worried about him.
“Luc,” I say soothingly. “Calm down and just listen for a moment. There is no need to freak out.” He snorts at my statement, and I feel the urge to do something Rose-like and flip him off, but that wouldn’t go over well in his present mood. “When Dr. Kay was reviewing my medical records this morning she noticed that I’m on birth control pills. It hit me when she mentioned it that I hadn’t taken the pills while I was in the hospital.”
“We weren’t exactly having sex in the hospital, Lia,” he says condescendingly. My foot twitches as I hold myself back from throwing something at him. He is always so gentle and considerate with me that I find it hard to believe the person vibrating with tension mere steps away is my Lucian. Quite obviously, pregnancy is a trigger for him…a big one.
“I know that,” I snap back, unable to hold my temper. I bluntly finish what I had been trying to say when he rudely interrupted me. “We have had sex for four days, and I haven’t taken my birth control pills since the day of my attack.” I watch him in alarm as he turns completely white, weaving on his feet unsteadily. I rush to add, “Dr. Kay said she can give me a prescription for a morning-after pill which is actually effective for up to five days. It would keep a pregnancy from happening.”
If I thought my words would comfort him, then I’m dead wrong. “What!” he roars. “You want to terminate the pregnancy?”
I jump to my feet, placing my hands on his heaving chest. “Luc, there is no pregnancy yet, and it’s quite possible there wouldn’t be even without the pill. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize I’d missed my pills, and I promise you that it was an accident.” I don’t know why I feel the need to assure him of that, but he’s so upset that I’m just trying to calm him down.
He steps back, causing my hands to drop to my sides. “I’ve got to get out of here for a while,” he says over his shoulder as he walks toward the door at a fast clip. My jaw drops in shock as he leaves the apartment as if the hounds of Hell are nipping at his heels. I sag weakly to the couch, trying to figure out what just happened. I knew he would probably be upset, but this was more than that; he went all to pieces. Oh, God, what if he has an accident? I get back to my feet and start pacing the floor. I run to the entryway table and grab my cellphone from my purse. I call his number, but it goes to voicemail after a few rings. My texts to him go unanswered, as well. Another few minutes pass before I look through my contacts and click on Sam’s name. He’s the only person I know other than Aidan who might be able to help me.