When Sherman kissed him—a long, wet kiss—Jase frowned and stepped back. He opened the door wider and said, “Good morning. I was up late last night.” His voice was dead even and his face remained expressionless. He hadn’t seen Sherman since they’d had sex in the shower. Jase noticed the tone in Sherman’s voice had changed. He sounded more like a lover than a friend.
Sherman went inside and placed the bag and the coffee on table beside the sofa, then kicked off his running shoes and said, “I was hoping we could take another shower together. I have an itch this morning that I just can’t seem to scratch alone.” His voice was low and seductive. When he spoke, he stared at Jase’s crotch.
Jase sighed and closed the door. After being with Luis, he had no interest in having sex
with Sherman again. He was sorry he’d even had sex with Sherman in the first place. He should have been stronger, and he should have said no when he’d had the chance. Sherman had been passing seductive innuendoes by him for weeks and he’d been ignoring them. That night when Jase thought Luis was getting back with Dr. Barton from Tennessee, he’d indulged himself. Now he had to set the record straight.
When Sherman started to pull down his pants, Jase reached out with both arms and said, “Stop, Sherman. I was serious when I said I wanted to keep it casual. I’m sorry if you misunderstood. I didn’t want that to happen. We’re not taking a shower today, or ever again.”
Sherman laughed. “But it is casual, sexy. Stop worrying. I’ll just take off my clothes, get down on my knees, and service you. You don’t even have to do anything. Just stand there and let me suck you off. You can’t get more casual than that.” He leaned forward and said, “I swallow, too.”
Jase took a quick breath and walked to the other side of the room. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s not going to happen again.” The arrangement he’d made with Sherman seemed obsolete now. Disappearing in New York to experience what it was like to be gay seemed almost laughable. Being gay, for Jase, wasn’t all that different from being straight. He wasn’t a different person; nothing about him had changed. The only significant difference was he’d actually fallen in love with a man instead of dreaming about it. But more than that, he missed his real life and he wanted to stop pretending. He didn’t have to hide anymore. He wasn’t afraid to let the entire world know who he was.
Sherman smiled. He tilted his head to the side and hesitated for a moment. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” he asked. “That’s why you’re so quiet this morning.”
“I want to be honest with you,” Jase said. “You’ve helped me out a lot, and I’m grateful for that. But I know who I am now, and I’m tired of running. I want my life back, and on my own terms. I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
Though Sherman was telling him their relationship was casual, Jase knew Sherman wanted more from him than just sex. And now that Jase had fallen in love with Luis, Jase wanted Sherman to know they weren’t going to be together again. “I’d like for us to remain friends,” he said, maintaining a stoic tone of voice. “I’m going to turn the private bank account I started over to you. I won’t be needing anymore withdrawals from that account and I want you to have what’s left. Think of it as a gift, for helping me find out who I am.”
“Who is he?” Sherman asked. He was smiling; he sounded coy now. “Some little boy you met in a bar? It must have happened fast, because you couldn’t wait to fuck my brains out in the shower the last time I saw you. He must know how to suck dick very well.”
Jase didn’t want to give Sherman details. This was his life and he didn’t feel obligated to discuss anything intimate with anyone other than Luis. “I didn’t meet him in a bar,” Jase said.
“Please don’t make it sound ugly. It’s something beautiful.”
Sherman slowly crossed the room. He walked up to Jase’s side and placed his hand on Jase’s naked shoulder. “Poor baby,” he said, “You just came out of the closet and faced who you are. It’s not smart to get involved with anyone too seriously at first. Trust me, I know. These guys are only in it for fun and games. They are going to come in and out of your life for a long time. But you can’t take them seriously. And I don’t think you’re ready to go public yet anyway.
It could be damaging to your image, not to mention your businesses. Once you come out, there’s no going back.”
Jase pulled away. “This isn’t just fun and games. This is my life we’re talking about.
We’re in love with each other. I hope you’re happy for us.” He didn’t care about his businesses or his public image anymore. The only thing he cared about was being with Luis.
Sherman went back to the sofa and put on his running shoes without saying a word.
When he stood up, he smiled at Jase and said, “I have feelings for you. Strong feelings, Jase. I thought you were starting to feel the same way about me. Don’t be foolish. We could be good together. I know how to handle a man like you.”
Jase didn’t want to be handled. He wanted to be loved. “You’re a good friend,” he said.
“But I’m in love with someone else. I was hoping you’d be happy for me. I was hoping you’d take the news with the same elegance and grace you apply to every other aspect of your life.”
Sherman’s eyebrows went up. “And what if I don’t?” he said. “I could just walk out, slam the door, and tell the entire world what you’ve been up to. I’m sure all the tabloids and magazines would love to know what their favorite pop culture billionaire has been doing lately since he dropped off the face of the earth. I’ll bet they’d be thrilled to find out that he’s fallen in love with some trashy little bar queen.”
Jase frowned. “I thought you were better than that,” he said. “I thought we were friends.”
Sherman took a deep breath and exhaled. “As it turns out, I am better than that,” he said.
“And yes, we are friends. So let’s just do this. You take all the time you want to fuck your cute little bar friend. When it’s over, and he’s taken all he can get from you, I’ll be waiting for you.
I’m in no rush.”
“You’re not getting it,” Jase said. “This is the real thing. This is what I’ve wanted all my life. He’s just as much in love with me as I am with him, and he doesn’t even know who I am.