Ty’s expression softened into sadness, but it passed so quickly that Zane could have imagined it. “Sometimes I… I just need a break. Up here,” he said, tapping his forehead. “I have to go somewhere on my own to let life hit me. If I don’t, too much piles up and… I end up not really able to deal. I just have to get away sometimes.”
Zane didn’t understand; he wasn’t sure he could without having seen the things Ty had seen or living the things Ty had lived. He supposed that when he had to take something apart and analyze it from all sides, it was his way of coping with an issue that would otherwise be too big to deal with. Ty’s way of coping was to walk into an open space, either figuratively or physically, and let the problem hit him with its full force. It was one of the ways he and Ty were wired so differently.
Ty sighed and rolled to his back again. “Running for a few days is better than the alternative.”
“Meltdown.”
“Yes. It’s happened before, and it’s not pretty. Taking off gives me time to think, gives me clarity.”
Zane totally believed that. He couldn’t imagine living inside Ty’s head was easy. He laid his cheek against Ty’s chest, listening to the steady heartbeat as he tried to convince himself not to brood about it. His hand clenched on the small box he still held.
Ty’s arm snaked around him, pulling him close and tight. Zane shifted and moved his head to Ty’s shoulder.
“Zane?”
Zane realized he’d been staring at the headboard without really seeing anything, and he blinked back into focus to look up at Ty by resting his chin on Ty’s chest. Ty’s fingers curled around a lock of Zane’s hair to play with it.
“Next time… next time I need to go, will you go with me?”
Whatever remnants of anger still lingering had no chance against a request like that. Zane would have sworn that he felt what remained of that hard knot he’d carried in his chest for the past several days melt away. “Yeah,” he said, reaching to trail his fingers over Ty’s cheek.
Ty gripped his hand and smiled, looking relieved. “Even if it involves the wilderness?”
Zane couldn’t help but laugh. “Even if it involves the wilderness.”
Ty hugged him tight and let out the breath he’d been holding in a rush. “I love you. I will always be yours, Zane—no matter where I am or where you are. I promise you that,” he said, the words as serious as Zane had ever heard Ty utter.
Zane felt flushed all over, light-headed, and more than a little off-kilter. What Ty promised… it was more than Zane had ever expected to want from anyone ever again. But he did want that from Ty, desperately. He drew breath to speak, but it caught, and he had to try again before he could get anything out. “You—you grovel pretty damn well.”
“I do everything well.”
“Ha!”
“See, that was one thing I thought a lot about while I was gone,” Ty said as he rolled Zane to his back and gave him a quick kiss.
“Groveling?”
“No”
“Being awesome?”
“No, Zane, shut up and let me talk.”
Zane bit his lip to keep from smiling. He looked up into Ty’s hazel eyes and found himself getting lost in them as Ty spoke.
“See… there’s no reason you shouldn’t know exactly how I feel about you. Or how I feel about bagels or loafers or the color blue.”
“Bagels?”
“Yes. There’s nothing we need to hide from each other. And I know it’ll be hard for both of us, and we might need to share some things gradually, but I think we should give it a try.”
Zane settled, his arms curving around Ty’s waist, his gaze still riveted to Ty. “I think that sounds pretty damn good,” he said, knowing it would help keep insecurity—and jealousy—at bay. He slid his hand over Ty’s hip and up his side. “How do you feel about bagels?”
“Zane.”
Zane smirked and ran his hand down Ty’s arm.
“But that means you have to do the same for me,” Ty continued. “No more hiding from me.”
“I don’t hide.”
“Yes, you do.”
Zane looked up into his eyes, wondering how he’d found a man who knew him so well inside and out. “You know, once I make my mind up about something….”
“I know.”
Zane nodded. “I love you.” Then he lifted his head enough to press a kiss to Ty’s lips.
“I know,” Ty said with a smirk as he pulled Zane closer. “And what the hell do you have that’s poking me?”
The hand still clutching the box was pressed against the small of Ty’s back, and Zane shifted enough to pull his arm free, propping himself up on that elbow as Ty lay back and watched him. “You know how I spent all that time… crunching the numbers?” he asked as an odd calm swept over him.
“I was aware, yes. Why?”
Zane smiled and then placed the little wrapped box on Ty’s belly. He’d been envisioning this moment for months. In every permutation of his imaginings, they’d been wearing more clothing.
Ty had to duck his chin to see what it was, and he was looking at Zane oddly when he reached for the box. “What’s this?”
“I bought it for you while we were on the cruise ship.”
“And all I got you was this stupid T-shirt,” Ty said as he lifted the tape at one end of the box.
“Don’t fuss.” Zane poked him in the ribs. Ty grunted and jerked away, reminding Zane that he was probably still sore from his collision with a very large fireman at home plate a couple of weeks back.
Ty glanced at him and opened the box like it might be rigged to explode. He set the lid aside and opened the case.
Set off against gray velvet and still gleaming after all those months was an elegant, polished white gold slide pendant hung on a length of tightly wound black cord. The slide was about the size and shape of a nickel, and the inset boasted a two-tone compass rose. Each of the eight points terminated in a tiny diamond chip set into the round seal.
Ty stared at it, speechless as he took in the intricate, uneven detailing of the hand-tooled piece. The imperfections reflected that it was one of a kind. Just like Ty.
“Zane,” Ty finally managed to say. He sat up, not seeming to notice that he’d disturbed Zane’s lounging, and looked down at Zane, agape.
Zane waited, feeling a slight trepidation niggling at him as he tried to decide what the reaction meant.