"If that's true, why hasn't he come forward? Used them to put one of us on trial? They certainly establish a strong enough motive."
"They also reveal what a monster Barker was. Maybe Portenski has sympathy for the thirteen-year-old child in those pictures."
She'd spoken as if that thirteen-year-old child was a stranger to her. Clay wondered if that was how she coped, by divorcing herself from the little girl she used to be.
"He said if I ever decide to come back to church, he'd love to see me in his congregation,"
she murmured. "That God can heal all wounds."
"What'd you say?"
"I told him I'll never set foot inside a church again, particularly that one."
"How'd he respond?"
"He nodded, as if he understood, and shuffled away."
Like Grace, Clay had stopped attending church after what had happened with Barker. He'd tried to pretend he didn't need religion in his life, but the beliefs and rituals were too big a part of his upbringing, and he couldn't deny himself indefinitely. Intellectually, he recognized that a preacher could be bad without making the doctrine he taught bad. This understanding was what had led him back. But Clay's emotions sometimes got the better of him and he occasionally walked out in the middle of the sermon, if a word or phrase or even a look reminded him of Barker. The kind of hypocrisy he and his mother and sisters had witnessed changed a person, and once that innocence was lost, there was no reclaiming it.
Grace touched her stomach, and a hint of a smile instantly replaced the haunted expression of a moment earlier.
"The baby's kicking?" Clay asked.
"More like he's rolling over. If your hands were clean I'd let you see for yourself. I know how much you like it."
"Who says I like it?" he teased.
"You might fool other people, but you don't fool me." She laughed. "Are you sure Beth Ann isn't the woman for you?"
"Absolutely." His life seemed to exist in shades of gray, but at least here he was speaking God's honest truth.
"I want you to find someone to love, Clay. I want you to find someone and be as happy as I am."
Her earnest words tugged at his heart. "Quit worrying about me," he said gruffly.
"I can't help it," she said. "I worry about you, Molly, Madeline, Mom." She rolled her eyes.
"Especially Mom."
"I've got Mom covered."
Her eyebrows shot up. "You do? Then why did she just tell me she's going out of town for the weekend?"
He blinked at her. "You're kidding, right?"
"I wish I was."
"With Chief McCormick?" He kept his voice low, in case someone was coming down the driveway.
"She says she's going alone, but you and I know that's highly unlikely."
"This wouldn't be happening if she lived here with me."
"She couldn't take living here," Grace said with a grimace. "I don't know how she lasted as long as she did. Or how you do it."
He wouldn't have remained at the farm, either, except that he had no other choice. It was his duty to look after his mother and sisters, and staying was the only way he could do it. "Maybe it wouldn't be fun to have her here all the time, but I'd be able to keep her out of trouble."
"You're both better off living on your own."
As much as Clay felt obligated to take care of his mother, maybe Grace was right. He wasn't sure he could tolerate living with her again. He'd grown too used to rambling around the farm by himself. "How's Chief McCormick getting away from his wife this weekend?"
"I have no idea. How does he do it any time?"
Clay shook his head. "Why won't Mom listen to me?"
"I'm sure she wants to. She just...can't."
"Can't?"
"I couldn't give Kennedy up if my life depended on it."
"Kennedy's your husband. Dale's committed to someone else."
She smoothed her dress. "I'm not saying what Mom's doing is right. I'm saying she's never been so completely in love, and that's why it's tough to make the sacrifice."
"She's more in love with him than she was with our father?"
"Chief McCormick is everything Dad wasn't. Solid, dependable, responsible, down-to-earth."
"He's not exactly a man of sterling character. He's cheating on his wife!"
"Of course that part's not admirable. But it's understandable--to a point. Mom's several years younger and far more attractive than Evelyn. Sex is...new and exciting again, and all that."
"At his age, it's as much about ego as it is about sex," Clay said. "Being able to get Mom probably makes him feel like a real man."
"And Mom's finally found someone who's treating her as if she's special."
"But it can't go anywhere," Clay said. "Imagine the scandal once everyone finds out."
"The backlash will be severe," she agreed, cringing visibly. "I feel so sorry for Kennedy.
Sometimes I wonder if he understood what he was getting into when he married me."
"Don't say that! He's lucky to have you."
"I hope he thinks so after Mom's affair is exposed."
"You say that as if it's inevitable."
"You can vouch for how hard it is to keep a secret in this town."
"Is Kennedy aware of it?"
"Yes. I thought it was only fair to warn him." Standing, she dropped a quick kiss on his cheek, and he knew she'd already stayed at the farm as long as she could tolerate. "Thanks, big brother. I'll try to convince Mom not to go this weekend."
"Good luck," he said. Lord knew that what he'd told Irene hadn't made any difference.
She paused on the steps. "By the way, Molly's coming out here for the birth."
"It'll be great to have her back. She hasn't been home since Christmas."
"She's seeing someone new. Have you heard?"
"No. Do you think this relationship's got a future?"
"I doubt it. She's only interested until they start making demands, and then she moves on."
She tossed him a grin. "I wonder where she gets that from."
"Not me," he said.
"If you say so," she scoffed.
"Grace?"
Brushing the loose hair out of her eyes, she glanced back at him. "What?"
"Would you want to talk to Dad if you had the chance?"
She didn't take even a moment to think about it. "No," she said and gave him a final wave.
Allie was at the police station, sorting through the Barker files, when Lucas Montgomery's call came in. She had Whitney with her, coloring near her desk. Her father hadn't stopped by today, thank goodness. They hadn't spoken since breakfast and she wasn't ready to talk to him yet.