She woke in the night sometimes unable to believe that her children had ever really existed, let alone died in those cruel ways.
They went back to the mysterious life in which Reuben now found himself, and to the night Reuben had been attacked in the hallway of the Mendocino house. They speculated on what might have happened.
He confided to her his wild theories about the name Nideck, but the connection seemed quite feeble. He circled back to the fact that the creature who,d passed on the "gift" to him, as he called it, might well have been a vagrant monster passing through this part of the world on a journey to parts unknown.
He went over every detail of the transformation. He recounted his confession with his brother, Jim.
She wasn,t Catholic. She didn,t really trust the Seal of the Confessional, but she accepted that he and Jim believed in it, and she certainly respected his love for Jim.
She had a slightly better grasp of science than he did, but said several times that she was no scientist. She asked questions about the DNA testing that had been done which he couldn,t answer. He figured he,d left DNA evidence at the scene of every little massacre over which he,d presided. He couldn,t begin to understand what the tests would reveal.
They both agreed that the DNA testing was the most dangerous tool that others possessed against him. And neither of them knew what he should do.
Certainly going to the Mendocino house was the best thing right now. If the creature was up there, if the creature had secrets to divulge, well, then they should give the creature a chance.
Yet Laura was fearful.
"I wouldn,t assume," she said, "that this thing is capable of love and conscience as you are. That might not be true at all."
"Well, why not?" Reuben asked. What could that mean - that he himself perhaps was progressing beyond conscience and emotion? That was his worst fear.
They stopped for supper in a little inn on the coast right before dark. It was a glorious spot, even with the relentless rain and the featureless gray skies. They had a table by a window over the sea, and a view of desolate yet majestic rocks.
The tables were draped in lavender linen, with lavender napkins, and the food was subtly spiced, special. He ate ravenously, consuming everything offered down to the last crumb of bread.
The place was rustic with a low sloping ceiling, the expected roaring fireplace, and old weathered plank floors.
It comforted him, made him a little too happy. Then there came the inevitable gloom.
The sea beyond the glass was darkening. The waves below looked black with silvery-white foam.
"You realize what I,ve done to you," he whispered.
Her face had a soft radiance in the light of the candles. Her eyebrows were just dark enough to give her a definite serious expression and her blue eyes were always beautiful even when they looked a bit cold. He,d seldom seen blue eyes so light yet so intense. Her face was wonderfully expressive, full of obvious fascination and what certainly seemed to be love.
"I knew the things you,d done when I first saw you," she said.
"You,re an accessory now, after the fact."
"Hmmm, to a very strange series of violent incidents, indeed."
"This is not a fantasy."
"Who knows that better than me?"
He sat there in silence wondering, inevitably, if he left her now would she be free? He had a vague sense that it would be a disaster for her if he left her. But maybe he was simply confused. It would be a disaster for him if he were to lose her.
"Some mysteries are simply irresistible," she said. "They have components that alter a life."
He nodded.
He realized he felt utterly possessive of her, proprietary, in a way he,d never felt with anyone, not even Celeste. It was stoking his passion to think of it. There were rooms upstairs in this inn. He wondered what it would be like, the two of them just as they were.
But how long did he have tonight? He was longing for the transformation; he was yearning to be more fully and completely himself.
Now that was one horrible revelation. She was saying something but he didn,t hear her. Who and what am I now, he thought, if the other is my true self?
"... ought to get going now."
"Yes," he said.
He stood to help her with her chair, to hold her coat.
She seemed touched by these gestures. "Who taught you your Old-World manners?" she asked.
Chapter Nineteen
IT WAS NINE O,CLOCK.
They were sitting on the leather couch in the library, with the fire going, watching the large television to the left of the fireplace. Laura had changed into one of her white nightgowns. And he,d put on one of his old sweaters and a pair of old jeans.
The man in the red tie on the television screen was in deadly earnest.
"This is the worst kind of psychopath," he said. "There can be no doubt of it. He thinks he,s on our side. The public adulation is no doubt feeding his obsessions and his pathology. But let,s be very clear on this: he rips his victims apart without mercy; he devours human flesh."
The man,s name and credentials flashed beneath his picture: CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGIST. The camera cut to the interviewer, a familiar face on CNN news, though at the moment Reuben could not recall his name:
"But what if this is some sort of mutation - ?"
"Out of the question," said the expert. "This is a human being like you or me, using a series of sophisticated methods to surround his killings with the aura of an animal attack. The DNA is unequivocal. He,s human. Oh, yes, he has access to the bodily fluids of animals - this is most certainly true. He,s contaminated the evidence. And certainly he,s using prosthetic teeth, or fangs. That part is certain. Some sort of sophisticated mask covers his entire head. But he,s a human being, and probably the most dangerous human being that criminal pathology has seen in recent times."
"But what accounts for the man,s strength?" asked the commentator. "I mean this man clearly overpowers two and three people at a time. How is a man in an animal mask supposed to - ."
"Well, the element of surprise, for one thing," said the expert, "but his strength has probably been wildly exaggerated."
"But the evidence, I mean three bodies left mangled and one decapitated - ."
"Again, we are rushing to conclusions here." The expert was getting testy. "He may well use some sort of gas to disorient or disable his victims."
"Yes, but he threw a woman out of a window so that she landed over seventy-five feet from the house - ."
"It does us no good to hyperbolize what this man is capable of. Witnesses can,t be counted on - ."