"You don,t know that it is Felix."
"Oh, it has to be one of the Nidecks," he said. "It has to be. This creature knew Marchent, had protective feelings for Marchent, was told to guard this house. How could it not be a Nideck?"
But there were so many unanswered questions.
He went into the master shower and let the water stream over him for a long time. It washed the blood of the mountain lion in pale reddish rivulets down the copper drain. But he barely felt this water. His hairy body craved the icy water of a forest stream.
The morning was brightening. The view from the window wall of the shower was marvelously clear. He could see the sea to the far left, pale and colorless and glittering under the white sky.
Just opposite and to his right, the cliffs rose, blotting out the view of the ocean and its winds, as they extended further north.
Something could be up there on the cliffs, Felix Nideck, up there watching, waiting to avenge the dead Marrok.
But no. If Felix was near at hand, why would Marrok have come? Marrok had clearly indicated that he feared the eventual meeting with the one who,d appointed him as guardian, that he meant to annihilate his "mistake" before that meeting came to pass.
And if Felix Nideck was living, why did he allow his death to be made official, and his property passed on?
Too many possibilities.
Think about the good news. You,ve left nothing at the site of any kill. Absolutely nothing. Your fears on that score are over; there is no threat now from "the world" to you or Laura. Well, almost. There was the matter of Marchent,s autopsy, wasn,t there? - and their intimate contact before his DNA had begun to change. But what did that matter if they had nothing, absolutely nothing, from the kills? He wasn,t thinking clearly anymore at all.
Reuben folded his arms around himself and willed the change to come. He willed it with all his strength, feeling the heat teem in his temples, and feeling his heart beat faster in his ears. Change now, leave me, dissolve into me and outside me.
It was happening, as if his body had obeyed him, as if the power had acknowledged him. He was almost weeping at this small progress. The pleasure crawled over him, subduing him, making him groggy, the hair dropping off of him, the convulsions stretching him and making him shudder divinely even as he reverted to his regular form.
Laura was waiting for him when he came out. She,d been reading a book. It was the little book by Teilhard de Chardin that had belonged to Felix - given him by Margon. Reuben had found it in his jacket pocket when he,d moved his clothes in here from Felix,s old room.
"Did you see the inscription?" he asked. She had not. He opened to the third page and held it out for her to read.
Beloved Felix
,
For You!
We have survived this;
we can survive anything
.
In Celebration
,
Margon
Rome ,04
"What do you think it means, ,We have survived this; we can survive anything,?"
"I can,t imagine."
"What the book means to me at any rate is that Felix is a theological thinker, a person interested in the destiny of souls."
"Perhaps, perhaps not." She hesitated, then. "You do realize ..."
"What?" he asked.
"I hesitate to say it, but it,s true, really. Catholics, sometimes, seem to be all a little insane."
He laughed. "I suppose that is true," he said.
"Well, Felix Nideck might not be Catholic," she said soberly, "and he might not be a theological thinker. The destiny of souls might not mean a thing to him at all."
He nodded. He smiled. But he didn,t believe it. He knew Felix. He knew something of Felix. Enough to love him, and that was quite a lot.
She put her arms around him and gently urged him towards the bed.
They fell into each other,s arms.
Then they climbed under the covers of the big bed and went to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Three
JIM ARRIVED in the late afternoon.
Reuben had been out walking in the woods with Laura. They,d found no vehicle or backpack or anything to connect with Marrok. And they still did not know how he,d gained access to the house.
Jim had managed to get the evening off at St. Francis, which was quite a rare thing, and he had prevented Grace and Phil and Celeste from coming on the promise that he would go and see why Reuben wasn,t answering his cell, or e-mail, and if everything was all right. He had time for an early dinner, yes, but then he,d have to be on the road for home.
Reuben had to confess he was glad to see him. Jim was in his full clerics, and Reuben couldn,t prevent himself from hugging Jim as if he hadn,t seen him in a year. It felt that long. It felt wretched. The whole separation from his family felt wretched.
After a fairly perfunctory tour of the house, they took a pot of coffee with them to the eastern breakfast room that opened off the long kitchen and sat down to talk.
Laura understood this was "Confession" as Reuben had explained, and she,d gone upstairs to answer e-mails on her laptop. She,d chosen the first western bedroom behind the master as her office, and they would have this cleared out for her as soon as possible. In the meantime, she,d set up her books and papers in there, and was more than comfortable, with a partial view of the sea, and a splendid view of the wooded cliffs.
Reuben watched as Jim took out the small purple stole and put it around his neck to hear Confession.
"Is it sacrilege for me to allow you to do that?" Reuben asked.
Jim said nothing for a moment and then in the softest voice suggested, "Come to God with your best intentions."
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," said Reuben. "I,m trying to find my way to contrition." He looked out the eastern window as he spoke, into the dense but airy grove of gray live oaks that ran on out to the redwood forest. These trees were thick and gnarled, and the ground beneath them soft and speckled with yellow and green and brown leaves, and the ivy grew rampant over many a massive trunk and up into the winding, reaching branches.
The rain had stopped before dawn. The blue sky shone through the mass of enclosing foliage that was the treetops. And warm sunlight came from the west, slanting down on the pathways through the trees. Reuben was lost in thought for a moment looking at it.
Then he turned and, resting his elbows on the table, and his face in his hands, he started talking, telling Jim absolutely everything that had happened. He told him of the strange coincidence of the names Nideck and Sperver. He explained everything in minute and obviously horrifying detail.
"I can,t tell you that I want to give up this power," he confided. "I can,t tell you what it,s like to be moving through the forest as this thing, this beast, this creature that can run for miles on all fours and then go up, up there into the canopy and climb for hundreds of feet, this thing that can so easily satisfy its needs...."